Drugs are bad, MMMkay?
Turner: 1991
Oh Captain Planet. I've made you my big blue whipping boy ever since I started this blog. That's not to say he hasn't deserved it sometimes, but honestly, it's getting kinda sad now.But considering that my most viewed induction was the infamous Aids episode, I guess it's only appropriate to take one more ride with the Planeteers. So, what crazy non-environmental adventure are we on today? Street gangs? Cancer? Ma-Ti getting a more useful power?
No, this one is on drugs.
Ah yes, back when every cartoon and sitcom had that "very special episode" that taught you the evils of drugs. I'm sorry, but if Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue proved anything, it's that these are always poorly handled, cliched, and extremely nonsensical. So, going into the cartoon which focuses mainly on environmental protection, that doesn't exactly bode well for me when it comes to having high hopes.
So let's get to dealing with mind pollution. Let's review this thing.
We open the episode with a young teen in Washington D.C running the streets, even past the White House. He ends up in an alley, as a pusher offers him a drug called Bliss.
The pusher is none other than our old pal Verminous Skumm, who offers the kid yellowish pills for the right price..The drug turns the kid's eyes red, and puts him into a fit of the giggles. Blissfully unaware that he was almost hit by a bus during his good vibes. So, the main plot of this tale involves Skumm getting kids high on drugs? Well, it's a step up from "Let's all hate the aids kid" I guess.
Meanwhile at Planeteer HQ, the group are working on their plane, as Soviet Hardass Linka supervises. Linka is acually taking a week long break to visit her uncle and cousin Boris at the Soviet Embassy in Washington. Though one has to wonder, what if the Planeteers had an emergency, and couldn't get Linka ASAP? #1, they wouldn't have wind power, and 2nd, they wouldn't be able to summon Captain Planet.
I get family comes first, but come on now.
She is welcomed happily by her uncle, but notices her cousin Boris (the kid we saw earlier) isn't acting all "Charmink" as she once knew him to be. He takes another Bliss pill and covers his eyes with shades. At least he didn't put them on in front of CM Punk. And that fills in this induction's "Topical wrestling joke that will be dated in a week" joke.
While conversing with Boris, Linka notices a cut on his forehead, that occurred when he hit the curb after nearly being splattered by a bus the previous night. Linka tries to clean the wound, but Boris knocks the alcohol on the stove, while Boris' father was making food. This causes the entire room to explode into flames. Linka uses her wind ring to spray baking soda in the room to clear up the flames. I dunno. For a big blaze, and such a small box of baking soda, I don't think this would have fully worked. But this is the same guy who didn't think dragging your hand on a maze would help you get out.
Tooncrap: Not a viable source for fire safety tips or solving maze puzzles.
While cycling to the Russian cafeteria for blintses, Linka tells Boris about her ring's power of wind, which he would gladly exchange some Bliss to use. Linka flips over the sight of the drugs, and accidentally causes the bag to rip, spilling the pills down a conveniently placed sewer grate. Boris cycles off for more...
Changing his shirt from black, to red, and back to black in the process
"I should probably chase after him... After I get those bleentzes"
Boris tries his damnedest to score more Bliss, but Skumm jacks the price higher than what Boris currently has. However, Skumm changes his tune when Boris reveals that he can find a way to get Linka to him. Boris refuses, but Skumm gives him quite the conundrum to think about.
"You're a wizard...err, druggie Boris"
Linka returns to her uncle's to learn that the embassy has been vandalized by Bliss-popping druggies. Boris shows up and embraces his cousin, and offers her a snack of a Bliss-roofied Blintz. A week passes by, and the Planeteers begin to worry due to no signs of Linka throughout the week. Gaia decides to wait the whole friggin' week to tell them about the Bliss epidemic in Washington, as the streets are in a state of anarchy due to the people wanting more of the drug. They begin to worry that Linka has fallen prey to Skumm's trap, but of course Wheeler doubts that she would do drugs.
The Planeteers waste no more time and They stop in Washington, while taking a quick visit to see honest Abe, to which Ma-Ti has no clue of. So, they've hopped the planet a lot, and THIS is the first time in Washington? Well, their sight seeing tour is put on hold, by a group of strung out Bliss-zombies. Wheeler tries to keep them at bay with his fire ring, but they'd gladly walk through the fire if it meant more Bliss. The only way to stop these druggies is with the blue man in the speedo...
Yeah, slight hitch in that plan.
Cornered by junkies, and now down one member, suffice is to say our heroes are screwed. Until they remember, oh yeah, we have other powers. So, Kwame and Gi summon water and earth to help get the junkies off their backs, while Ma-Ti manages to get Linka away from Skumm. because, you know, I don't think Heart will do jack shit. Then again, it always does jack shit.
Linka is too messed up to be of any help to Ma-Ti as the two try to run from the Junkie mob. But the rest of the Planeteers charge her, and get her to safety. They enter the capitol building, which is now deserted, and Wheeler brings up a good point."Why is it that when a city is under siege by zombies, you can never find a cop?" Ma-Ti, using his heart ring discovers that everyone who isn't on bliss has fled the city, in other words, what we already frigging knew!!!
No, I'm not gonna post the pic again. Once was enough.
Boris leads the mob to the capitol building, as the Planeteers barricade the door. All while Linka is still high as a kite. She tries to let Boris in, but Wheeler stops her. While trying to tell Linka that the drug is screwing her up royal, she sees nothing wrong, and that it's making her happy, when she was once so sad. While that goes on, Boris jumps through the window. So what? This is a Y7 show. He'll likely get up without a scra...
HOLY CRAP!!!
The Planeteers head to higher ground while Gi tends to Boris' wounds. The mob makes it inside the building, as Wheeler and Gi take Boris with them. Stuck atop the capitol building, they're sitting ducks. They try their best to fend off the zombies, all while Boris and Linka are suffering from withdrawls over the lack of Bliss. Skumm gives Boris added incentive with a full bottle of Bliss, which Boris downs half a bottle of. Not wanting him to Bogart the whole thing, Linka takes the rest, while the planeteers stop her.
But sadly, Boris is dead.
I'm not even joking this time. Boris is devoid of a pulse.
That's right. Captain Planet and the Planeteers, a show intended for 8 year olds, just showed a young teenager die of an overdose on television. Not to mention a family member of one of the main characters. Christ almighty. I'll be talking about this later.
Devastated by the death of Boris, Linka manages to snap out of her drug induced state, and finally after like 19 minutes of show, we finally get Captain Planet summoned to help save the day.
Yay, Captain Planet! Hey Boris, why aren't you cheering? Oh... Right...
He gets the Planeteers off the capitol building, while leaving Boris' corpse up top (classy), and deals with Skumm. He creates a tornado and fire combo which not only destroys the Bliss, but the recipe as well. He also sends Skumm flying out of his helicopter into the water below. The episode ends with the zombies recovering, and Linka lamenting over the loss of Boris, as Skumm eats a piece of cheese that was laced with Bliss making him trip out.
So... yeah. That whole show happened. My thoughts?
A lot of this episode was very corny, and suffers from a lot of the lame Captain Planet shlock that you'd expect. But I gotta admit, the set of balls that they had for this episode, especially the grim outcome that we got at the end with them actually killing a character on a children's TV show, that's actually impressive. It was silly with the whole zombie junkie gimmick, but they still managed to convey the extremely scary side of drug addiction in a way that was fairly well done.
Compare this to Cartoon All-Stars. That cartoon didn't really show the true dark side of drugs, but felt like a weird mental trip that only vaguely got into the evils of addiction. This did it a little better. But, I'm sorry. I still can't shake off the fact that one of the darker "special episodes" dealing with drug abuse, that actually featured blood, breaking windows, drugging loved ones with food, explosions, and a televised death, came from an environmental cartoon intended for little kids.
Which hurts this too because in the end, I think they did go too serious with this. I get why, and shows like this do need to exhibit some dose of reality, especially with something as serious as drug abuse. But I think they set it up a bit too dark considering the show's normal subject matter. Like the aids episode, it doesn't feel like it fits what this show's modus operandi was. Just stick with fighting Looten Plunder over him draining lakes for bottled water, or battling Duke Nukem or something. Just please, tone it down a little.
In the end, it's far from the worst of the bunch. It's certainly no "Formula for Hate". But still, this is some pretty dark Tooncrap.
But hey, it could be worse. It's not like the Planeteers were put on trial by a yeti...
I gotta stop setting myself up for these.