What could possibly go RIGHT???
Calico Entertainment/Accolade: 1993
"one more note. Battletoads wasn't teh only cartoon to have a pilot air on TV. in the mid 90's, another video game character tried his hand in the animated series department, but failed to get past the pilot. his name? Bubsy the bobcat."
What I just quoted was the end paragraph of the very first Tooncrap article done all the way back in 2008. Complete with my severe lack of a spell check, and likely my overuse of "it's". I had mentioned the Bubsy cartoon, but never got around to it. Now, today is that day to put this bobcat to rest.
A little back story. Back in the mid-90's, the gaming industry was taken by storm by Sonic the Hedgehog, who's anthropomorphic design, and hip attitude won the hearts of so many gamers. With the success of Sonic, would naturally come several infamous knock-off mascots for various game companies. These included the likes of Awesome Possum, and Aero the Acro-Bat.
Even Mr. Nutz had his moment in the sun. Because when I think video game mascots, I want to be reminded of my testicles.
But none were as mildly successful as Accolade's wacky bobcat in the white shirt, Bubsy. His debut title "Claws Encounters of the Furred Kind" proved to be a solid seller for both the SNES and Genesis consoles respectively. So, naturally Accolade planned to strap the rocket to their chatterbox cat with his own animated series.
Though all we would end up getting was a one-shot special. And thankfully, that's all we got because the world is a better place without an animated series based off a really shitty Sonic knockoff. So, what could possibly go wrong? Let's see for ourselves as we review this thing.
Yeah kids. Listen to the psychotic cartoon bobcat. Nothing could possibly go wrong.
He then gets sent spinning into his kitchen where he... eats cereal, and throws his dishes in the sink. Then he goes down a slide, and breakdances, and that's the intro. So, out of that near minute we learn really nothing about the character, other than he's hyperactive, and reckless. We then see the bumper which reminds us again "What could possibly go wrong?"
Already I hate this character, I'm already sick of his catchphrase, and I'm only at the intro folks.
At least it's not the name of the episode or...
OH, COME THE FUCK ON!!!
Seriously, it's not even that catchy a catchphrase. It's no "What's Up Doc?" or "Yabba Dabba Do". All it is, is a really lame statement, that clearly is used as a way to prove Murphy's Law right. And that's just kinda dumb. I dare say it, "What Could Possibly Go Wrong" is worse than YOLO. Yeah, I said it. Okay, now back to the actual episode.
We sprawl througha land of houses made of geometric shapes, into the home of our purrtagonist, Bubsy (voiced by Rob Paulsen? Oh no. What manner of evil is this?). We see an armadillo named Arnold having bad dreams about being hit by a truck. Bubsy wakes him up by blowing into his tail, which I'm guessing will be the least of his harassment worries for this episode. Bubsy reminds Arnold that he wants him to be his sidekick, which Arnold immediately freaks out because he doesn't want to be his sidekick. So Bubsy kidnaps people and holds them against their will? Our hero folks. Ain't he lovely?
Bubsy's nephew and niece (named Terry and Terri. Creative :P ) show up, which freaks Arnold out, because they're surprisingly worse than Bubsy. Bubsy hides him under the couch, then immediately rats him out, like any best friend would. While they pull at Arnold, Bubsy turns on the TV, which just happens to air a news report about armadillos being hit by a truck. He turns into a ball, to which the twins then use as a basketball.
Jesus fucking christ, I feel so bad for this guy. He's being held against his will, and tortured, and beaten on. Clearly this was meant to be because he's the comic relief, but I'm not laughing. It sheds the other protagonists in a bad light, and really makes Bubsy and his terror tots even more detestable. Our heroes folks.
We then get an interview with a scientist by the name of Virgil Reality (ha), who has created a helmet that can make anyone's imagination come to life. This pleases Bubsy, and scares me. Becuase most likely his imagination involves armadillo sacrifices. Oh, and the twins use Arnold as a bowling ball. Lovely.
With Virgil needing a lunatic who'd test his helmet, Bubsy gladly answers the call, because even he admits that he's a fucking loony. Also, because he's brave, craves adventure, and has to go where no bobcat has gone before. All of which is littered with stock footage clips. Oh, and he's a hero for crying out loud "If that's a crime, then book me"
No, but animal abuse, and kidnapping. Those are big crimes.
Oh, and he utters the catchphrase. Ugh.
But of course, Bubsy isn't the only one interested in the helmet, as we meet our villain, a rotund evil rich cat named Allie (Allie Cat? Get it? WELL DO YOU???). She sends for her two minions, a buzzard chef named Boswell, and a hungry and brain damaged shrew named Sid. She tells them that despite being the richest creature in the world, she still wants more. Don't they all.
Meanwhile, Bubsy and his crew show up to test the helmet, all while Virgil and his assistant Oblivia constantly mispronounce Bubsy's name. Because, you know, it's so hard to remember. Virgil tells Bubsy that by thinking of something, then blinking twice, whatever you want will come to life. And of course, while warning Bubsy to be precise with his thoughts is interrupted because the asshole is too much in a rush. Bubsy says he wants to fly, because "What could possibly go wrong?"
God dammit, every time I hear that phrase, I want to punch something.
Yeah, forget that you almost killed yourself, your relatives, and innocent people. Fuck you Bubsy, just fuck you.
And if Bubsy wasn't bad with the helmet, his nephew and niece then take it the helmet, and sneak off. Hopefully they imagine themselves drowning.
While they fight over possession of the helmet, Boswell and Sid arrive, noticing that they have the helmet, and plan to kidnap the two to eat, while giving Allie the helmet. As the two bobcats imagine ponies in powerboats (I don't believe the bronies have done art of that yet), the villainous duo try to capture them. Only to end up on a roller coaster due to the helmet.
Finally realizing the twins took the helmet, Bubsy and the rest of the "heroes" exit the lab, only to see they're standing on roller coaster tracks, while the world has become an amusement park. Bubsy tries to calm down Arnold. How? BY SAYING THAT FUCKING CATCHPHRASE!!!
Which leads to Arnold being hit by the car the twins are riding. Seriously, Arnold. If I could get you out of there, I would.
Bubsy suggest that he and Arnold be heroes, and take the bull by the horns.
Not literally dammit.
"These stock footage jokes doin' anything for.."
No! No! Seamus, this is not the fucking time! In fact, just go! You're fired! We're not doing that tired joke any more!"
I give them an A for something different, but literal jokes centred around stock footage aren't funny. They just aren't. Especially not in the context of this piece of garbage cartoon. They also seem out of place in a show that's entirely animated, and has no bearing to the real world. Plus, since there aren't humans in this show, doesn't that just make things even more nonsensical. Fuck, this show...
It's time to be heroes, for crying out loud! Because... GRRARARAAHAHHHH "WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG??"
*deep breath*
"EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING IN THIS FUCKING CARTOON HAS GONE WRONG! STOP FUCKING TRYING TO FORCE THAT DOWN OUR THROATS! IT'S NOT CATCHY, IT'S NOT CREATIVE, IT'S NOT IMAGINATIVE! IT'S A LAME SAYING BY A LAME CARTOON CHARACTER, ON A LAME CARTOON, TRYING TO PRETEND THAT IT'S COOL, FUNNY, OR CREATIVE! AND IT'S NONE OF THOSE THINGS! SO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, CUT IT THE FUCK OUT!!!!!!!!!!"
*deep breath*
You know what. Anything I ever said about YOLO, I take it back. That's a far more creative saying. Or how about one I just came up with. "Murphy's Law, Mofos!"
"I'm going to go make a campfire near these full oil drums, because Murphy's Law, Mofos!"
"I'm gonna pet this rabid dog. It's okay, because Murphy's Law, Mofos!"
"I'm gonna review a cartoon about a shitty, forgettable 90's cartoon character. Will it affect my sanity? Murphy's Law, Mofos!"
...And the worst part is... there's still 12 minutes left. Let's continue...
Bubsy and Arnold end up getting stuck behind the Twins' roller coaster car, as it goes up and down the tracks, while wondering if Boswell (who they keep referring to as a turkey, because LAUGH!!!) will puke. They use the helmet to stop the car, causing everyone but Terry and Terri to fall to their deaths, which the duo approve of. If their reign of terror couldn't get any worse, they turn into giants and step on Bubsy and Arnold.
Now, I approve on the Bubsy abuse, but leave the poor armadillo alone.
Bubsy and Arnold chew the two out for their recklessness and the fact that they could have destroyed the world. Well, you know, you brought them along asswipe, you're just as much to blame. Sid and Buzz try to nab the helmet, and they fail again. Bubsy proclaims that he's saved the entire planet, What could poss....
(8 more minutes. Just eight more. You can do it. You survived Madballs, you can survive this!)
Even Arnold finally chews him out on that fucking catchphrase as Boswell and Sid finally get the helmet and the twins by just bumping into them and taking it. Rather underwhelming, but then again, it's progress in this damn cartoon. Now with possession of the helmet, Allie, you know, the villain from earlier? I could imagine you forgot her amongst this chaos? Anyway, she imagines everything from giant rings, to love seats. Bubsy finally starts to realize that things actually CAN go wrong,and uses Arnold to hit himself on the head.
And then electrocutes Arnold. Do I even have to say anything any more?
This act clearly is enough to raise Bubsy's spirit, as he goes off to save the twins. All while Arnold is still being electrocuted mind you. Because, you know, it's such a larf. Instead of using a tracking device, he just calls up Sid and Boswell, and tricks Sid into just giving their address to him.
Buzz and Sid inform Allie of Bubsy's impending arrival (which she finds as big an issue as her helmet hair). Bubsy arrives and asks Allie to give the helmet back, before he has to humble her. Old country way? They all fight over the helmet, but it ends up on Sid's head. To which he uses to make a bee and a corn dog (zuh?).
What follows is an extremely rushed bit where almost everyone gets a shot at the helmet. The twins imagine a birthday party, Boswell imagines cooking everyone up. Oblivia imagines marrying Bubsy (Where the fuck did that even come from?) Arnold imagines the truck (Again) and Oblivia imagines her own TV show. Can't possibly be worse than this TV show.
Bubsy regains the helmet, but unfortunately for him it's in overload, and set to explode on his head. So, he imagines something crazy (which we never see), and manages to tie up the villains. Bubsy has saved the day, and tells Arnold that you have to live on the edge, and be a hero (accompanied, of course with stock footage). He puts the helmet on, ready for his next adventure, only to be electrocuted. But that's okay... Say the line...
What could possibly go wrong?
What could go wrong is this cartoon lasting longer than a shitty Thanksgiving special that went nowhere. But thankfully it didn't. And I can see why.
The protagonists are unpleasant, unlikable, cruel, wacky without any real substance, and just shit. Pure shit. The story isn't interesting, the villains aren't interesting, the show feels too long, with too much pointless crap going on. It never feels funny, nor exciting. The animation is bland and ugly. And most importantly, that god damn catchphrase isn't catchy. it's annoying.
When I brought Tooncrap back from the grave, I started slow, I'll admit. The last few really didn't deliver the doody. But this? This one is definitely a topper, that stands along Madballs: Gross Jokes as the cartoons I almost tapped out on. But it's done and finished. And this long teased Tooncrap is inducted, and I never have to bother with it again.
And yet, I'd still pick this over Bubsy 3D...