Bubsy

What could possibly go RIGHT???

Calico Entertainment/Accolade: 1993

"one more note. Battletoads wasn't teh only cartoon to have a pilot air on TV. in the mid 90's, another video game character tried his hand in the animated series department, but failed to get past the pilot. his name? Bubsy the bobcat."

What I just quoted was the end paragraph of the very first Tooncrap article done all the way back in 2008. Complete with my severe lack of a spell check, and likely my overuse of "it's". I had mentioned the Bubsy cartoon, but never got around to it. Now, today is that day to put this bobcat to rest.

A little back story. Back in the mid-90's, the gaming industry was taken by storm by Sonic the Hedgehog, who's anthropomorphic design, and hip attitude won the hearts of so many gamers. With the success of Sonic, would naturally come several infamous knock-off mascots for various game companies. These included the likes of Awesome Possum, and Aero the Acro-Bat.

Even Mr. Nutz had his moment in the sun. Because when I think video game mascots, I want to be reminded of my testicles.

But none were as mildly successful as Accolade's wacky bobcat in the white shirt, Bubsy. His debut title "Claws Encounters of the Furred Kind" proved to be a solid seller for both the SNES and Genesis consoles respectively. So, naturally Accolade planned to strap the rocket to their chatterbox cat with his own animated series.

Though all we would end up getting was a one-shot special. And thankfully, that's all we got because the world is a better place without an animated series based off a really shitty Sonic knockoff. So, what could possibly go wrong? Let's see for ourselves as we review this thing.

The intro to the show is, well.. pretty damn pointless honestly.Oh sure things happen in it, but nothing that would make you even laugh, or look at Bubsy as a cool dude. Bubsy wakes up out of bed (after kissing the alarm clock with his face on it), and goes to brush his teeth. He decides that a regular toothbrush is for pussies, and goes for a buffer instead, after giving us his catchphrase of "What could possibly go wrong?"

Yeah kids. Listen to the psychotic cartoon bobcat. Nothing could possibly go wrong.

He then gets sent spinning into his kitchen where he... eats cereal, and throws his dishes in the sink. Then he goes down a slide, and breakdances, and that's the intro. So, out of that near minute we learn really nothing about the character, other than he's hyperactive, and reckless. We then see the bumper which reminds us again "What could possibly go wrong?"

Already I hate this character, I'm already sick of his catchphrase, and I'm only at the intro folks.

At least it's not the name of the episode or...

OH, COME THE FUCK ON!!!

Seriously, it's not even that catchy a catchphrase. It's no "What's Up Doc?" or "Yabba Dabba Do". All it is, is a really lame statement, that clearly is used as a way to prove Murphy's Law right. And that's just kinda dumb. I dare say it, "What Could Possibly Go Wrong" is worse than YOLO. Yeah, I said it. Okay, now back to the actual episode.

We sprawl througha land of houses made of geometric shapes, into the home of our purrtagonist, Bubsy (voiced by Rob Paulsen? Oh no. What manner of evil is this?). We see an armadillo named Arnold having bad dreams about being hit by a truck. Bubsy wakes him up by blowing into his tail, which I'm guessing will be the least of his harassment worries for this episode. Bubsy reminds Arnold that he wants him to be his sidekick, which Arnold immediately freaks out because he doesn't want to be his sidekick. So Bubsy kidnaps people and holds them against their will? Our hero folks. Ain't he lovely?

Bubsy's nephew and niece (named Terry and Terri. Creative :P ) show up, which freaks Arnold out, because they're surprisingly worse than Bubsy. Bubsy hides him under the couch, then immediately rats him out, like any best friend would. While they pull at Arnold, Bubsy turns on the TV, which just happens to air a news report about armadillos being hit by a truck. He turns into a ball, to which the twins then use as a basketball.

Jesus fucking christ, I feel so bad for this guy. He's being held against his will, and tortured, and beaten on. Clearly this was meant to be because he's the comic relief, but I'm not laughing. It sheds the other protagonists in a bad light, and really makes Bubsy and his terror tots even more detestable. Our heroes folks.

We then get an interview with a scientist by the name of Virgil Reality (ha), who has created a helmet that can make anyone's imagination come to life. This pleases Bubsy, and scares me. Becuase most likely his imagination involves armadillo sacrifices. Oh, and the twins use Arnold as a bowling ball. Lovely.

With Virgil needing a lunatic who'd test his helmet, Bubsy gladly answers the call, because even he admits that he's a fucking loony. Also, because he's brave, craves adventure, and has to go where no bobcat has gone before. All of which is littered with stock footage clips. Oh, and he's a hero for crying out loud "If that's a crime, then book me"

No, but animal abuse, and kidnapping. Those are big crimes.

Oh, and he utters the catchphrase. Ugh.

But of course, Bubsy isn't the only one interested in the helmet, as we meet our villain, a rotund evil rich cat named Allie (Allie Cat? Get it? WELL DO YOU???). She sends for her two minions, a buzzard chef named Boswell, and a hungry and brain damaged shrew named Sid. She tells them that despite being the richest creature in the world, she still wants more. Don't they all.

Meanwhile, Bubsy and his crew show up to test the helmet, all while Virgil and his assistant Oblivia constantly mispronounce Bubsy's name. Because, you know, it's so hard to remember. Virgil tells Bubsy that by thinking of something, then blinking twice, whatever you want will come to life. And of course, while warning Bubsy to be precise with his thoughts is interrupted because the asshole is too much in a rush. Bubsy says he wants to fly, because "What could possibly go wrong?"

God dammit, every time I hear that phrase, I want to punch something.

Because of Bubsy's A.D.D-addled brain, he sends everyone in the lab falling to their imminent deaths. Virgil knocks the helmet off of Bubsy, which falls onto Arnold's head. And since Arnold is forever tormented by being run over by a truck, this is instantly what he thinks of, sending a truck falling towards them. Bubsy imagines them to all be back in the lab safely.. except for Arnold, who crashes through the roof. Bubsy then steps on Arnold's tail and procesds in self fellation about how nothing went wrong.

Yeah, forget that you almost killed yourself, your relatives, and innocent people. Fuck you Bubsy, just fuck you.

And if Bubsy wasn't bad with the helmet, his nephew and niece then take it the helmet, and sneak off. Hopefully they imagine themselves drowning.

While they fight over possession of the helmet, Boswell and Sid arrive, noticing that they have the helmet, and plan to kidnap the two to eat, while giving Allie the helmet. As the two bobcats imagine ponies in powerboats (I don't believe the bronies have done art of that yet), the villainous duo try to capture them. Only to end up on a roller coaster due to the helmet.

Finally realizing the twins took the helmet, Bubsy and the rest of the "heroes" exit the lab, only to see they're standing on roller coaster tracks, while the world has become an amusement park. Bubsy tries to calm down Arnold. How? BY SAYING THAT FUCKING CATCHPHRASE!!!

Which leads to Arnold being hit by the car the twins are riding. Seriously, Arnold. If I could get you out of there, I would.

Bubsy suggest that he and Arnold be heroes, and take the bull by the horns.

Not literally dammit.

And that they should beat the odds (to footage of an underwater boxing match), and throw caution to the wind.

"These stock footage jokes doin' anything for.."

No! No! Seamus, this is not the fucking time! In fact, just go! You're fired! We're not doing that tired joke any more!"

I give them an A for something different, but literal jokes centred around stock footage aren't funny. They just aren't. Especially not in the context of this piece of garbage cartoon. They also seem out of place in a show that's entirely animated, and has no bearing to the real world. Plus, since there aren't humans in this show, doesn't that just make things even more nonsensical. Fuck, this show...

It's time to be heroes, for crying out loud! Because... GRRARARAAHAHHHH "WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG??"

*deep breath*

"EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING IN THIS FUCKING CARTOON HAS GONE WRONG! STOP FUCKING TRYING TO FORCE THAT DOWN OUR THROATS! IT'S NOT CATCHY, IT'S NOT CREATIVE, IT'S NOT IMAGINATIVE! IT'S A LAME SAYING BY A LAME CARTOON CHARACTER, ON A LAME CARTOON, TRYING TO PRETEND THAT IT'S COOL, FUNNY, OR CREATIVE! AND IT'S NONE OF THOSE THINGS! SO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, CUT IT THE FUCK OUT!!!!!!!!!!"

*deep breath*

You know what. Anything I ever said about YOLO, I take it back. That's a far more creative saying. Or how about one I just came up with. "Murphy's Law, Mofos!"

"I'm going to go make a campfire near these full oil drums, because Murphy's Law, Mofos!"
"I'm gonna pet this rabid dog. It's okay, because Murphy's Law, Mofos!"
"I'm gonna review a cartoon about a shitty, forgettable 90's cartoon character. Will it affect my sanity? Murphy's Law, Mofos!"

...And the worst part is... there's still 12 minutes left. Let's continue...

Bubsy and Arnold end up getting stuck behind the Twins' roller coaster car, as it goes up and down the tracks, while wondering if Boswell (who they keep referring to as a turkey, because LAUGH!!!) will puke. They use the helmet to stop the car, causing everyone but Terry and Terri to fall to their deaths, which the duo approve of.  If their reign of terror couldn't get any worse, they turn into giants and step on Bubsy and Arnold.

Now, I approve on the Bubsy abuse, but leave the poor armadillo alone.

Bubsy and Arnold chew the two out for their recklessness and the fact that they could have destroyed the world. Well, you know, you brought them along asswipe, you're just as much to blame. Sid and Buzz try to nab the helmet, and they fail again.  Bubsy proclaims that he's saved the entire planet, What could poss....

(8 more minutes. Just eight more. You can do it. You survived Madballs, you can survive this!)

Even Arnold finally chews him out on that fucking catchphrase as Boswell and Sid finally get the helmet and the twins by just bumping into them and taking it. Rather underwhelming, but then again, it's progress in this damn cartoon. Now with possession of the helmet, Allie, you know, the villain from earlier? I could imagine you forgot her amongst this chaos? Anyway, she imagines everything from giant rings, to love seats. Bubsy finally starts to realize that things actually CAN go wrong,and uses Arnold to hit himself on the head.

And then electrocutes Arnold. Do I even have to say anything any more?

This act clearly is enough to raise Bubsy's spirit, as he goes off to save the twins. All while Arnold is still being electrocuted mind you. Because, you know, it's such a larf. Instead of using a tracking device, he just calls up Sid and Boswell, and tricks Sid into just giving their address to him.

Buzz and Sid inform Allie of Bubsy's impending arrival (which she finds as big an issue as her helmet hair). Bubsy arrives and asks Allie to give the helmet back, before he has to humble her. Old country way? They all fight over the helmet, but it ends up on Sid's head. To which he uses to make a bee and a corn dog (zuh?).

What follows is an extremely rushed bit where almost everyone gets a shot at the helmet. The twins imagine a birthday party, Boswell imagines cooking everyone up. Oblivia imagines marrying Bubsy (Where the fuck did that even come from?) Arnold imagines the truck (Again) and Oblivia imagines her own TV show. Can't possibly be worse than this TV show.

Bubsy regains the helmet, but unfortunately for him it's in overload, and set to explode on his head. So, he imagines something crazy (which we never see), and manages to tie up the villains. Bubsy has saved the day, and tells Arnold that you have to live on the edge, and be a hero (accompanied, of course with stock footage). He puts the helmet on, ready for his next adventure, only to be electrocuted. But that's okay... Say the line...

What could possibly go wrong?

What could go wrong is this cartoon lasting longer than a shitty Thanksgiving special that went nowhere. But thankfully it didn't. And I can see why.

The protagonists are unpleasant, unlikable, cruel, wacky without any real substance, and just shit. Pure shit. The story isn't interesting, the villains aren't interesting, the show feels too long, with too much pointless crap going on. It never feels funny, nor exciting. The animation is bland and ugly. And most importantly, that god damn catchphrase isn't catchy. it's annoying.

When I brought Tooncrap back from the grave, I started slow, I'll admit. The last few really didn't deliver the doody. But this? This one is definitely a topper, that stands along Madballs: Gross Jokes as the cartoons I almost tapped out on. But it's done and finished. And this long teased Tooncrap is inducted, and I never have to bother with it again.

And yet, I'd still pick this over Bubsy 3D...

Captain Planet: Mind Pollution

Drugs are bad, MMMkay?
Turner: 1991

Oh Captain Planet. I've made you my big blue whipping boy ever since I started this blog. That's not to say he hasn't deserved it sometimes, but honestly, it's getting kinda sad now.But considering that my most viewed induction was the infamous Aids episode, I guess it's only appropriate to take one more ride with the Planeteers. So, what crazy non-environmental adventure are we on today? Street gangs? Cancer? Ma-Ti getting a more useful power?

No, this one is on drugs.

Ah yes, back when every cartoon and sitcom had that "very special episode" that taught you the evils of drugs. I'm sorry, but if Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue proved anything, it's that these are always poorly handled, cliched, and extremely nonsensical. So, going into the cartoon which focuses mainly on environmental protection, that doesn't exactly bode well for me when it comes to having high hopes.

Besides, you can clearly see, this was a TV-Y7 series, so it's not like they could show much anyway, so clearly I'm going in on this one with low expectations. But who knows, maybe this could surprise me. doubtful, but stranger things have happened on this blog.

So let's get to dealing with mind pollution. Let's review this thing.

We open the episode with a young teen in Washington D.C running the streets, even past the White House. He ends up in an alley, as a pusher offers him a drug called Bliss.

The pusher is none other than our old pal Verminous Skumm, who offers the kid yellowish pills for the right price..The drug turns the kid's eyes red, and puts him into a fit of the giggles. Blissfully unaware that he was almost hit by a bus during his good vibes. So, the main plot of this tale involves Skumm getting kids high on drugs? Well, it's a step up from "Let's all hate the aids kid" I guess.

Meanwhile at Planeteer HQ, the group are working on their plane, as Soviet Hardass Linka supervises. Linka is acually taking a week long break to visit her uncle and cousin Boris at the Soviet Embassy in Washington. Though one has to wonder, what if the Planeteers had an emergency, and couldn't get Linka ASAP? #1, they wouldn't have wind power, and 2nd, they wouldn't be able to summon Captain Planet.

I get family comes first, but come on now.

She is welcomed happily by her uncle, but notices her cousin Boris (the kid we saw earlier) isn't acting all "Charmink" as she once knew him to be. He takes another Bliss pill and covers his eyes with shades. At least he didn't put them on in front of CM Punk. And that fills in this induction's "Topical wrestling joke that will be dated in a week" joke.

While conversing with Boris, Linka notices a cut on his forehead, that occurred when he hit the curb after nearly being splattered by a bus the previous night. Linka tries to clean the wound, but Boris knocks the alcohol on the stove, while Boris' father was making food. This causes the entire room to explode into flames. Linka uses her wind ring to spray baking soda in the room to clear up the flames. I dunno. For a big blaze, and such a small box of baking soda, I don't think this would have fully worked. But this is the same guy who didn't think dragging your hand on a maze would help you get out.

Tooncrap: Not a viable source for fire safety tips or solving maze puzzles.

While cycling to the Russian cafeteria for blintses, Linka tells Boris about her ring's power of wind, which he would gladly exchange some Bliss to use. Linka flips over the sight of the drugs, and accidentally causes the bag to rip, spilling the pills down a conveniently placed sewer grate. Boris cycles off for more...

Changing his shirt from black, to red, and back to black in the process

"I should probably chase after him... After I get those bleentzes"

Boris tries his damnedest to score more Bliss, but Skumm jacks the price higher than what Boris currently has. However, Skumm changes his tune when Boris reveals that he can find a way to get Linka to him. Boris refuses, but Skumm gives him quite the conundrum to think about.

"You're a wizard...err, druggie Boris"

Linka returns to her uncle's to learn that the embassy has been vandalized by Bliss-popping druggies. Boris shows up and embraces his cousin, and offers her a snack of a Bliss-roofied Blintz. A week passes by, and the Planeteers begin to worry due to no signs of Linka throughout the week. Gaia decides to wait the whole friggin' week to tell them about the Bliss epidemic in Washington, as the streets are in a state of anarchy due to the people wanting more of the drug. They begin to worry that Linka has fallen prey to Skumm's trap, but of course Wheeler doubts that she would do drugs.

The Planeteers waste no more time and They stop in Washington, while taking a quick visit to see honest Abe, to which Ma-Ti has no clue of. So, they've hopped the planet a lot, and THIS is the first time in Washington? Well, their sight seeing tour is put on hold, by a group of strung out Bliss-zombies. Wheeler tries to keep them at bay with his fire ring, but they'd gladly walk through the fire if it meant more Bliss. The only way to stop these druggies is with the blue man in the speedo...

Yeah, slight hitch in that plan.

Cornered by junkies, and now down one member, suffice is to say our heroes are screwed. Until they remember, oh yeah, we have other powers. So, Kwame and Gi summon water and earth to help get the junkies off their backs, while Ma-Ti manages to get Linka away from Skumm. because, you know, I don't think Heart will do jack shit. Then again, it always does jack shit. 

Linka is too messed up to be of any help to Ma-Ti as the two try to run from the Junkie mob. But the rest of the Planeteers charge her, and get her to safety. They enter the capitol building, which is now deserted, and Wheeler brings up a good point."Why is it that when a city is under siege by zombies, you can never find a cop?" Ma-Ti, using his heart ring discovers that everyone who isn't on bliss has fled the city, in other words, what we already frigging knew!!!

No, I'm not gonna post the pic again. Once was enough.

Boris leads the mob to the capitol building, as the Planeteers barricade the door. All while Linka is still high as a kite. She tries to let Boris in, but Wheeler stops her. While trying to tell Linka that the drug is screwing her up royal, she sees nothing wrong, and that it's making her happy, when she was once so sad. While that goes on, Boris jumps through the window. So what? This is a Y7 show. He'll likely get up without a scra...

HOLY CRAP!!!

The Planeteers head to higher ground while Gi tends to Boris' wounds. The mob makes it inside the building, as Wheeler and Gi take Boris with them. Stuck atop the capitol building, they're sitting ducks. They try their best to fend off the zombies, all while Boris and Linka are suffering from withdrawls over the lack of Bliss. Skumm gives Boris added incentive with a full bottle of Bliss, which Boris downs half a bottle of. Not wanting him to Bogart the whole thing, Linka takes the rest, while the planeteers stop her.

But sadly, Boris is dead.

I'm not even joking this time. Boris is devoid of a pulse.

That's right. Captain Planet and the Planeteers, a show intended for 8 year olds, just showed a young teenager die of an overdose on television. Not to mention a family member of one of the main characters. Christ almighty. I'll be talking about this later.

Devastated by the death of Boris, Linka manages to snap out of her drug induced state, and finally after like 19 minutes of show, we finally get Captain Planet summoned to help save the day. 

Yay, Captain Planet! Hey Boris, why aren't you cheering? Oh... Right...

He gets the Planeteers off the capitol building, while leaving Boris' corpse up top (classy), and deals with Skumm. He creates a tornado and fire combo which not only destroys the Bliss, but the recipe as well. He also sends Skumm flying out of his helicopter into the water below. The episode ends with the zombies recovering, and Linka lamenting over the loss of Boris, as Skumm eats a piece of cheese that was laced with Bliss making him trip out.

So... yeah. That whole show happened. My thoughts? 

A lot of this episode was very corny, and suffers from a lot of the lame Captain Planet shlock that you'd expect. But I gotta admit, the set of balls that they had for this episode, especially the grim outcome that we got at the end with them actually killing a character on a children's TV show, that's actually impressive. It was silly with the whole zombie junkie gimmick, but they still managed to convey the extremely scary side of drug addiction in a way that was fairly well done.

Compare this to Cartoon All-Stars. That cartoon didn't really show the true dark side of drugs, but felt like a weird mental trip that only vaguely got into the evils of addiction. This did it a little better. But, I'm sorry. I still can't shake off the fact that one of the darker "special episodes" dealing with drug abuse, that actually featured blood, breaking windows, drugging loved ones with food, explosions, and a televised death,  came from an environmental cartoon intended for little kids. 

Which hurts this too because in the end, I think they did go too serious with this. I get why, and shows like this do need to exhibit some dose of reality, especially with something as serious as drug abuse. But I think they set it up a bit too dark considering the show's normal subject matter. Like the aids episode, it doesn't feel like it fits what this show's modus operandi was. Just stick with fighting Looten Plunder over him draining lakes for bottled water, or battling Duke Nukem or something. Just please, tone it down a little.

In the end, it's far from the worst of the bunch. It's certainly no "Formula for Hate". But still, this is some pretty dark Tooncrap. 

But hey, it could be worse. It's not like the Planeteers were put on trial by a yeti...

I gotta stop setting myself up for these. 

Tiny Robots

A Mechanized Mess

Video Brinquedo: 2008

Okay, I couldn't bring back Tooncrap without making another visit to the Asylum of Animation. Oh Toyland Video... I mean Video Brinquedo. How I have missed your blatant ripping off of far better animated products. How I've longed for more of your hatred of the Chinese, your 4Kids voice actors, and your eloquent, yet disgustingly poor references. I shed many a tear in my absence knowing I never had to talk about you, your rottenness...

And this cock flute.

Actually, fuck that. I've never been happier to not even have to think about these Brazilian buttholes. But, since I am back to talking Tooncrap, then I must bring it back. Every time I think I'm out, Dr. Crumb pulls me back in, like the spawn of Satan he is.

So, on our hands this time is Tiny Robots, an amalgamated ripoff of both Wall-E, and Robots, which has the entertainment value of neither. So, get ready for a future scarier than us all getting too fat, and Earth being a junk yard. Let's review this thing. 

We open our tale far far into the distant future, two weeks from Sunday A.D, on a planet where all the buildings look like bundled building blocks, and actually make Superman 64's graphics look amazing, is a world populated by robots, that live on a planet devoid of the human race, because apparently the robots replaced them. 

We learn of the mass genocide of a species, and we ain't even 30 seconds in folks.

So, the robots live about their lives doing jobs and such that they were programmed to do, even without the understanding of why they're to do it. They also don't eat, so they survive by plugging themselves into machines to get a regular jolt of energy. This planet (Let's be honest, it's supposed to be Earth) has two factories, one being a solar power station, and the other being the Robo Manufacturing Plant, where the story begins, and our exposition finally goes the hell away.

We meet the hero of our story Wall-E, I mean Trank. Unlike the other robots, this robot, who isn't really all that tiny, was actually made by a human. I'm certain this won't be awkward later in the story. He works at the solar station, in charge of upkeep. Though let's be honest, he's just buffing the panels, that's all. Suddenly a pair of speakers show up telling all robots to cease work, as the leader is about to make a "grand announcement". Fuck big announcements, this baby's a grand! The robots head to the square, where a pokeball splits in two, and release a view screen where our leader appears.

Okay, where's the real leader? Don't tell me they actually follow the almighty Dildo Vader? 

The leader (voiced by Yugi himself Mr. Dan Green) tells the workers that they have for many years provided the energy for the world, but now it's time for a newer and more efficient energy source. The scientists of this world (Hopefully not a Robo-Crumb), have unearthed a brand new source of energy, that will be distributed for everybot. 

Oh, and everyone's shit canned too.

The leader Ro-Blows

And to ensure total dependency to the leader, he upgrades the systems of all the robots. They go from thinking he's a bit of a douche, to suddenly concurring that the leader is good, the leader is great, they surrender their will, because he made us do it. The only one not affected of course is Trank, or titular minuscule automaton. 

Trank goes to see his grandfather, and tells him in detail all the stuff we just learned about a minute ago. Grampa doesn't like this new energy idea, and hopes they're not going back to oil and electricity. Also, that he's seen this type of dickery before, and it leads to no good. We also get backstory on the leader, who shocked everyone when he overthrew management. He also tells Trank not to trust the leader. He's corrupt. But then again, what people in power aren't, amirite? 

Grampa then tells Trank to not bother with just getting a job, and instead go find the human that built him. You know, despite humans apparently being overthrown and whatnot. After this four minute conversation, Trank gets some much needed robo-sleep. He awakens and tries to tell his Grampa of a dream he had about being stuck in a pile of oil that he couldn't get out of. Seems like a cool dream to see... too bad. 

However, his old man-err, bot is nowhere to be seen, and all that's left is a computer chip and a hole in the wall, as well as a button of somekind. We then go into a very slow and boring  chase scene where Trank gets chased after by a pair of security bots. Almost 10 minutes in, and the first big scene is a dud. Oh, Video Brinquedo. 

He ducks around a corner so the bots can't find him, despite still being in plain friggin' sight. The two bots can't detect him because he's man-made, and because they're too stupid to TURN AROUND. They leave, and Trank is safe. He manages to jump over the fence of New Iron City, and escapes into the desert. As the narrator tells us, Trank  travels through the desert for miles and miles. 

Until he died. Movie over, YAAAAY!!!

Unfortunately, we still have at least a half hour left, so sadly that outcome didn't happen. He's scooped up in a dump truck being driven by a pair of robots. A sissy robot named Tron 2B, and a small, annoying robot named Neve 1. 

They picked up Trank believing him to be useless scrap metal and... Wait a second...

Waaaaaait a second, it can't be.

Oh dear lord it is!!!

IT'S DR. CRUMB'S RACIST ALARM CLOCK!!!

AND IT'S VOICED BY THE LATE VOICE OF MEOWTH, MADDIE BLAUSTEIN!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY GOD WHY?

Sigh...

So Trank wakes up, which scares Tron and "Neve" into crashing their scrap truck. He assures the two that he's on the level. Neve questions on if he's a robot like they, and if he sees the words "Chong Bu Chin Ba Chang" in the future. Okay, I'll drop it for now. But this film is still, sadly, young.

He gives the pair his backstory, only to learn that the duo have had this happen to them as well. He tells them that he's looking for his creator at the electric forest, and in an act of convenience, the pair are also headed to the recycling plant on the other side of the forest. They head to the junk yard, and after not being caught by a guard, they dump their scrap in the pile, including our scrap of a hero Trank. They tell him to stay until they're done. 

But this plan turns out to be pretty stupid as Trank instantly gets caught by a giant crane claw, and sent dangling to his doom over a vat of that looks like red molten liquid, but I guess it's oil, apparently just like that dream he mentioned previously. But Tron and Trank save him, not to mention he remembered he can hover. The trio find their way to the electric forest, complete with yellow square road. Trank tries to get his allies away from him, but they decide to join in on the search. Neve has bad feelings about going into the forest, so Tron asks "What are you, a rodent or a robot?"

The answer is he's a racist.

However, their conversation is interrupted by... whatever the hell that is. It's actually called a syphonoid, though my phrasing I find was better. This thing eats robots and takes their energy. But apparently doesn't go away if you tell it that it's supposed to be extinct. Tron tries to defeat the syphonoid with rocks, but that just pisses it off. Before it can kill the three of them, Trank lures it into the forest...

...Where it is electrocuted and explodes. Boo, that means our main characters still live.

Though we almost get the belief that Tron has died, but unfortunately, we still have about 25 minutes left with these morons. Yes, I've counted every minute. It's more enjoyable than watching this movie. 

As the trio traverse through the electrical forest, Neve begins to wonder if the old ghost stories are true, to which Tron immediately debunks as false. 

Tron... Just shut up from now on.

However, after Trank stands up to the ghost instead of giggling at it, the apparition turns into...

Hey, I didn't know Blade Braxton was in this film.

Actually, we learn that this is Trank's inventor who goes by the name of Builder, (sans Bob The). Builder informs Trank that not only is he about 40 years old, but that his parts are even older, like a thousand years or so. Give or take the millennia. he also tells Trank that humans used to live on the planet before Robots, to which Tron debunks (PS: Shut the fuck up Tron). Builder is one of the few humans left, since the rest were too stupid to not blow themselves up. He tells us about how nature rebelled, and the world was in anarchy, and humans are hunted. Would have been real nice to see all that... oh well... 

He also shows him the button from earlier. We also learn that Builder created the Leader. And continues to go on... and on... and on with backstory. Long story short he tells us what we already knew in the beginning of this. Leader = Bad. 

Oh hi same Little Cars poster from Little and Big Monsters, Hi Ratatoing poster, Hi blue pokeballs...

Hi Little Bee Plush and R2D2. I'm certain George Lucas wouldn't be fond of seeing you there. 

Jeez, I know this is some sort of robot apocalyptic future, but there's gotta be better swag to hoard. 

Builder tells Trank that he had better be ready to fight the leader when it's time, and that he has to program a virus into a computer that controls invisible control rays. He also tells Trank to sleep on it so that you know, we can stretch this out. However, they leave at night anyway, equipped with GPS systems to get back While this is happening The Leader mocks Trank's grampa for a while.

The trio find the antenna that the leader uses to control everything. But on their way, are greeted by their old friend Syphonoid. , but it's easily defeated when Trank tricks it into falling into a pit of oil. The Syphonoid isn't a smart bot. Not a smart bot at all. Well, he does one smart thing, and drags Trank down with him.

Meanwhile, ol' steel dildo hypnotizes Grampa. However, Trank shows up (surviving being dragging into an oil pit apparently). He pretends to be hypnotized long enough to insert the virus into the computer. The satellite falls, and everyone is no longer affected by the hypnotic spell, and the leader is sent to the dungeon to be reprogrammed. Since 4kids was involved with this, that means he's likely killed.

And so our story ends with out heroes headed home. Where hopefully they died in the desert before arriving there. The end.

So, that was Tiny Robots. How was it? In a word, boring. Unlike the other ones, it's not as insultingly bad, nor infuriating. And it does at least handle the story from start to finish. But the bad CGI, dull plot, and lack of any action whatsoever keeps this from being enjoyable at all. This is a rotten robot ready to be sent to the junk heap. 

Where all the Video Brinquedo DVDs are, of course, so at least they'll have company.