The Pebble and the Penguin

Stone cold crap

MGM: 1995

Penguins. What is it about them that makes them such a beloved creature? Is it their cute look? Sympathy for their lack of flight? Respect for being so snazzy dressed?

Well, whatever it is about them that's so beloved, it sure has shot out a plethora of penguin related programming over the years. And 99% of the time, it's a icy cold piece of penguin poop.



Although there are some exceptions to the rule (As seen above), the majority of movies and shows starring penguins are rather crappy. There's Happy Feet, which if you take out the dancing, is actually a rather bland movie. There's march of the penguins, which is rather dull to be frank. There's farce of the Penguins, which isn't that funny. And there's our induction du jour, the mid 90's Bluth Bomb, The Pebble and the Penguin.

As documented before, the early 90's were not kind to mr. Bluth, who seemed to suffer through one stinker after another. It wasn't until Anastasia that things seemed to be back on track. But in that dark age of the early 90's, the stinkers were major. And Pebble and the Penguin is definitely one of the bigger offenders. Suffering from lackluster animation, a dull plot, boring songs, and, as Roger Ebert would point out, some interesting color coding when it comes to the heroes and villains of the movie.

So, with the intro out of the way, let's dive into the icy abyss that is this film. Let's review this thing.





We open our film to narration, telling us that every year, the male penguins of Antarctica give their beloved a pebble, and if she accepts it, they mate for life. And from there, we get our first song, "Now and Forever". It's clearly the movie's big song, as it has the most effort put into the animation, as well as being almost 5 minutes in length. And yet, the song is really dull. We also meet our protagonist, the "lovably" awkward Hubie (Voiced by Martin Short). We also meet Marina (voiced by Annie Golden), who Hubie falls instantly in love with.



After song finally ends, Hubie tells a story to three annoying bird kids about how he's in love with Marina. And through a wacky mishap, he falls off a hill, and crashes into Marina. He stutters like the shy fool he is, and she just laughs.



But meanwhile, on the top of a really tall hill for some reason, their conversation is being watched over by our main villain Drake (Voiced by Tim Curry, who's doing perhaps the worst tough dude voice I have ever heard). He has the hots for Marina, and vows to make her his wife. Later that night, Hubie and Marina are still talking, which leads to another song about what Hubie thinks about. It's a pretty bland song, and despite some decent visuals, is, like the rest of the songs in this film, instantly forgettable.

The next day, all the male penguins set out to find their pebbles. Hubie is the most eager of the bunch, but being the putz he is, is constantly defeated in his pebble quest. With all hopes of macking Marina destroyed, he wishes on a star to give him a perfect pebble.



The fates find pity on our feathered shlub, and a meteorite crashes in front of him, leaving a glowing green rock. Hubie takes it, unafraid of possible radiation poisoning, or what have you, and takes it to Marina post haste. But Drake trips him, and sends our hero plummeting into the icy water below. But hey, he's a penguin, he can just swim back. It's not like something bad's gonna...


Oh crap.

Our hero gets almost eaten by a giant leopard seal, but manages to escape the beast on an ice flow. However, the flow takes him miles away from Antarctica, to a place with an enemy even greater than the seal.... Man.


She knows from experience.



Hubie ends up on the good ship Misery with several other penguins. The other penguins tell Hubie about their plights..... In song of course. Another forgettable song, moving on. After the choreographed tale of woe, the humans arrive with a rather rowdy penguin, which they end up caging. This angry fella is Rocko the rockhopper (Voiced by the other Belushi). The other penguins inform out heroes that their fate is to be sold to a zoo, which Rocko clearly has a problem with. While that's going on, Hubie's pebble shows him a vision of Marina talking about how much she loves him, as Drake tries and fails to win her over. With 10 days to make it back to Antarctica, or Marina will be banished for not choosing a mate, Hubie asks Rocko to go with him in exchange for helping him escape. The two manage to escape, leaving the other penguins to suffer the fate of zoo life.

Dicks.



The two wind up in Tahiti, which greatly upsets Hubie. Being the moron he is, he can't get back home on his own. And Rocko, being the grumpy douche, wants Hubie to leave him be. Hubie asks him if he has a dream, to which Rocko replies that he wishes he could fly. Knowing of his secret, Hubie BSes Rocko to help him get back home, with the possibility of being able to fly.



Meanwhile, at castle Grayskull's winter lodge, Drake gloats about Hubie's death, as our heroes hop a cruise ship lifeboat. They make a stop at an island, where Rocko tries to fly off a cliff, and fails because he's a moron. The two bicker for a while, as a storm goes by. Back to Drake, who's attempts at getting Marina to be with him continue to be denied. And of course this leads to another song, this time with Tim Curry singing. And I can't believe I'm saying this, but even with Tim Curry singing, it's pretty awful.

With the road home rapidly approaching, Hubie decides to tell Rocko that he was BSing him all this time just so he would help him get home.


He takes it as well as you'd expect.

But after almost killing Hubie, Rocko pulls the mother of all mood swings, and starts laughing about the whole ordeal, as the two make up and head for Antarctica. Back home, Marina sings about Hubie. This song's decent, but again, nothing memorable. Our heroes are still on the road to Antarctica as Rocko tries to toughen up Hubie, and......

Hold on, stop for one second. Just caught a nice animation error


Throughout this scene, Rocko's feet vanish. This wouldn't be a bad thing if it was minor, but it happens several times in the one scene. That is just lazy.



The two find a seal's fishing hole. Rocko's eager to go in to get some food, while Hubie stutters and worries as usual. They go in the hole, and chase after some glowing fish. But that doesn't last long as they're chased by our old pal the leopard seal. But yet again, they manage to escape the seal. And what better way to celebrate a near death experience, than with another song. Which feels more like a vaudevillian trainwreck. Sappy jokes, poor singing from Short and Belushi. For the buddy song of the movie, it's just awful. After surviving the seal, Hubie loses the pebble, and encounters some evil killer whales. Rocko fights them off, as they just so happen to bring Hubie to Drake's skull palace.



But sadly Rocko has perished.



But no time to mourn, as it's time for the final battle of the movie. Drake decides that he's no longer giving Marina a choice, and kidnaps her. But it's our stuttering hero to the rescue. The two face off, and Hubie gets slaughtered. But with some encouragement from his young bird friends, he's back on his feet, ready to face off with Drake again. This time, instilled with the power of love, and all that nonsense, he beats the ever lovin' bird poop out of Drake, sending him falling to his death. With the villain vanquished, Hubie proposes to Marina.



And hey, Rocko's alive and well too. How shocking. Our heroes reunite, and everything's happily ever...


Oh shit.

Drake is still alive, and throws a giant rock at Hubie. Unfortunately this causes castle grayskull to collapse. A giant rock falls on Drake, killing him for reals this time. Our heroes, stuck with no hope of survival, fall to their deaths. I must admit that's a rather sad way to end....


UUUUUWHAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!???????

In the ultimate act of Deus Ex Machina, Rocko, through some unknown reasoning, is now able to fly (Without flapping his wings BTW), as he saves our heroes from suffering an untimely dearh. Marina accepts Hubie as her mate, and the movie is finally over.

This movie sucks mostly because it's just boring. The songs, the characters, the story, and the conflict. Mix it with some dull animation, and you have a pretty bad movie. The voice acting is blech at best. It's rare that I'd ever say that Tim Curry does a bad job, but this is one of the rare times I can' bare to listen to the man. Martin Short does fine, but giving Hubie the annoying stutter got annoying from the get go. Jim Belushi does a fine job, so does Annie Golden. But the most damning thing about it is, how can Rocko suddenly fly? Did he make some sort of wish/deal with the Devil before he reunited with Hubie? I get that it's supposed to be the big moment of the movie, but it just feels so nonsensical, even for this cartoon.

This movie is a fine representation of why for some reason Penguins just can't be in good movies. But for as bad as this movie was, I would take it any day over Piper Penguin And His Fantastic Flying Machines.



But that's a stinker of a story for another day.