What's Up: Balloon to the Rescue

It blows more than just hot air

Video Brinquedo: 2009

To most people, it seems originality is overrated. Why come up with something with a shred of creativity and brilliance, when you can make a half assed knockoff? Or in the case of a Brazilian company known as Video Brinquedo (Or Toyland Video as it is also referred to as), take an idea from a far superior film and half ass it with a terrible plot, and CGI that wouldn't even pass up for early Playstation 1 cutscenes. For several years now, Video Brinquedo has been considered "The Asylum" of animated films, and for those aware of The Asylum and their alarming list of piss poor direct to DVD ripoffs, then you know that being compared to the Asylum isn't exactly a term of endearment.

Video Brinquedo's library has brought us many classics like


Ratatoing


The Little Panda Fighter


And even more currently, The Frog Prince.

So, it would come to no surprise that they would tamper with one of Pixar's best, Up. For everything that Up provides, an engaging story, lovable characters, a fun adventure, and perhaps some of the most touching and depressing moments ever not just in animation but in film period, Video Brinquedo's knockoff provides none of. Instead we get a boring plot, insipid characters, and awful stereotypes. Not to mention a really dumb title. It's known as What's Up.


"What's Up?"

That'll be enough of that Mr. Truth...

It's known as What's Up: Balloon to the Rescue. A slightly nonsensical title, yet is already telling of the crap we're about to endure. But there's only one way to see how terrible this film is, and that's to actually sit down and go through it. So, let's escape into the wild blue yonder of mediocrity. Let's review this thing.



We start with with the worst exposition perhaps ever. In a really quick and poorly thrown together montage, we meet our heroes, the "Monster Chasers" (who starred in another Video Brinquedo knockoff "Little and Big Monsters"), lead by Dr. Crumb. While the TV plays, a child appears to be dry humping a couch.


No, seriously, what is he doing?

The rest of his team consists of his science horny niece Amanda, her couch humping brother Guto, and Dr. Zooks. Crumb and Zooks, outside of just chasing monsters, are scientists, who are trying to make contact with other planets. Their plan? To use a powerful jet engine to lift their house into outer space. So, instead of a rocket ship, or some sort of reliable craft, they go with a house that is far more fragile, and would more than likely burn to a crisp in the earth's atmosphere? I think they should probably just stick to chasing monsters. Also, for some stupid reason, they have a rock that can hypnotize the entire world with the use of the secret password, lavender. a password Dr. Crumb says OUT LOUD TWICE TO THE ENTIRE WORLD DURING A NEWS INTERVIEW? For a world's greatest scientist and monster chaser, this guy's not exactly a sharp cookie. And this continues to be proven, when he lets the reporter mess with the jet control button, sending the house, and his nephew and niece flying into orbit. He sends the house crashing back into the ground, yet the damn thing remains intact.

Later that day, the monster chasers meet a French stereotype named Jean Pierre Delacroix, a great adventurer who like all French people despises tea, and prefers wine. He needs the monster chasers to go to the amazon to chase a monster in a cave. But wouldn't it be safer that the Monster's in the cave, I mean, out in the open... aw, screw it. Why the hell am I trying to make sense out of this movie? Dr. Crumb tells him that they only work locally, pretty much telling the dude to piss off. But Jean Pierre reminds the chasers of the fact that they have a flying house, while trying to hit on Amanda, and talking about his evil plan to hypnotize everybody out loud. I'm still dumbfounded that there's a hypno rock to begin with. Not too long later, the monster chasers, adorned in their Ghostbuster-esque attire, enter the cave Jean Pierre talked about, only to soon find out...





The monster turns out to be a stereo and a lamp, but the chasers end up trapped when Jean Pierre blows up the cave with his cartoony TNT plunger. He takes the hypno rock, and says the "not secret at all" word. But since he's French, it doesn't work. While trying to pronounce lavender correctly, all of a sudden a hot air balloon crashes into a tree. Despite his accent, Jean Pierre still manages to hypnotize the man in the balloon. He gloats about his new powers of hypnosis, until he accidentally drops the rock, causing it to explode and create a portal releasing three monsters.

What?

The three monsters escape, not before one is captured by the chasers (Who's escape from the tunnel is never explained). Jean Pierre gives them BS about how the hypno rock was destroyed, and Amanda, being a moron, believes him. With the rock destroyed, they can't escape the Amazon. Until Dr. Crumb decides to steal the hypnotized man's balloon, which can somehow lift their laboratory thousand's of feet into the air. I know in Up, it was a bit far fetched that thousands of little balloons could lift Carl's house...


But this is just silly.



It's also nice to see Dr. Zooks and Guto just standing on the front step without fear of falling to their deaths. Amanda, still convinced Jean Pierre is good, asks him about Paris. To which he responds that Paris is everything. And the moron just buys it. Also at that exact time, Paris is being attacked by one of the monsters. And how did Dr. Crumb learn of this? By using Google.

GOD FORSAKING GOOGLE!


I'm starting to doubt that this guy's a damn scientist.

They also tell Jean Pierre that the rock will once again re-energize, and hand it to him. It's like these assholes are asking to be killed. Everyone trusts Jean Pierre except for Frenchaphobe Dr. Crumb. They finally get to Paris, as the one eyed monster is straddling the tower (That sounds more dirty than it intended to be). The chasers go to fight it, while leaving Jean Pierre to watch over Amanda and Guto. So, despite having doubts about Jean Pierre, he leaves him to watch over his niece and nephew, and already knowing that he's got the hots for Amanda, seems to have no problem at all with leaving her prone to his advances.


What a prick.

And what a surprise, Jean Pierre begins to turn Amanda against her uncle. After the second monster is captured (Something we never see by the way) she drugs Crumb and Zooks' tea, as she and Jean Pierre go after the third monster in China. The third monster is doing what you would expect it to do...


Play hopscotch on the great wall of China. lovely.

Jean Pierre finally slips up by being like all Frenchmen, a coward. And Amanda, after a half hour of being a moron, finally begins to clue in on his evil. And while they have their spat, we get some more fine racism, as a Chinese man named Ching Ling has trouble with his camera. Dr. Crumb awakens from his slumber and throws an anvil with balloons tied to it at Amanda. Amanda, Jean Pierre, and Ching Ling fly away... very, very slowly. While that's happening, Guto, dressed as a giant cookie, distracts the monster as they capture it. And in the middle of this, they have Ching Ling trapped with the monsters. So, they won't let the Chinese man in their house, yet have no problem with the French asshole?


Why can't this damn thing just end already?

And here's a good old fashioned bit of racist dialogue.

Guto: I don't want that Chinese guy in there with my monsters. He didn't even say anything when i showed him the cookie.
Dr. Crumb: Did you try showing him a fortune cookie? That would work.

And then Guto taunts the monsters and Ching Ling with candy. Wonderful.

Amanda fesses up to drugging her uncle, and the monster chasers rally up to face Jean Pierre, who now has a fully charged hypno rock. He hypnotizes the chasers, All but Guto, who's wearing sunglasses. When Jean Pierre tries to make him blow kisses, Guto craps himself instead. Guto causes Jean Pierre to drop the rock again, opening the portal. He also frees the others from their spell. They trap Jean Pierre and the monsters, and send the four of them into the portal. Later they all laugh about it, and Dr. Crumb feels angered that Ching Ling is still around.

You wanna know what's up? This movie is god awful. Pathetic CGI, horrible characters, a lame plot, and some racism peppered in for the helluvit. Not to mention, most of the voice actors (All of which are never credited) are 4kids regulars (Guto is voiced by the same actress as Monkey D. Luffy, Erica Shroeder). Video Brinquedo is easily the worst company out there today, and if this was any indication, we definitely have some crap to dig through, and unfortunately, we'll be seeing these asshat monster chasers again.

And sadly...



THAT'S What's Up!