Little & Big Monsters

Crap comes in all sizes.

Video Brinquedo: 2009

On our last induction, we talked about the "Asylum of animated movies", Brazilian company Video Brinquedo. A company responsible for some of the worst animated knockoffs perhaps in history. We also talked about one of their more recent movies, what you would get if you took Up, and added unlikable characters, and tons of racism. That was What's Up: Balloon to the Rescue, and it starred characters who have become regulars in Video Brinquedo CGI films. They're first appearance was in a knockoff of another 2009 CG Film. Monsters Vs Aliens, meet your retarded counterpart, Little and Big Monsters.

So, let's chase this monster of a garbage film out of existence, and let's review this thing.



We open our film with something original. A Rube Goldberg alarm clock, as our retarded scientific mind Dr. Crumb is awakened by his breakfast/news robot. Which all goes fine, until...



Yep, not even 2 minutes in, and already ripping on the Chinese. Even going so far as to spout "Chan bu chin ba chang." Just lovely.

From there we get an epic countdown of a boiled egg being ready to serve. Crumb tries to use a ray gun to put salt on the egg, but it's unresponsive. Maybe you should've just, i dunno, USED A SALT SHAKER! And the unholy spawns.. I mean Guto and Amanda head to the kitchen to talk to him. Through exposition, AKA veering the conversation away from the salt gun, Amanda explains that today's the inauguration of the intergalactic transmission antenna, a tool that can talk to other interplanetary life forms. When Amanda and Guto offer to help, Crumb throws a hissy fit, and says "you can't trust machines especially for your own safety". This coming from a guy who's job as an inventor is to pretty much trust machines. Also, we're constantly reminded that Dr. Crumb and Dr. Zooks fought off aliens in the "Invasion of '54".

At the inauguration, Crumb and Zooks activate the antenna (Which looks more like a telescope than an antenna). And, being the good uncle he is, Crumb sends Amanda to give the first test. So, after a BS conversation about how the kids are the most important thing to him, he puts them in charge of a possibly dangerous tool?


I've said it before, I'll say it again. What a prick.

Guto gets butthurt that he wasn't the one to turn on the antenna, and heads home, not before noticing a comet that's coincidentally hurdling to earth at that exact moment. The comet is actually a glowing green ball, which Guto has no problem taking. He tries to tell Dr. Crumb, but being the prick he is, Crumb doesn't believe him. And not only that, but he's hiding something from Amanda. Later at the lab, the antenna finally gets a message. The scrambled message talks about junk food, and Dr. Crumb takes yet another hissy fit. Crumb and Zooks then do the logical thing. Instead of trying to decipher the first alien message right there and then, they decide to go to bed instead. The next day, the ball Guto found turns into slime and escapes out of his window. Apparently there's aliens attacking.


Unless they're invisible, this is the least impressive alien attack ever.


And while we're still in Guto's room, look at the big ol' "Poster" for another Video Brinquedo ripoff "The little cars". I also don't recall many posters with the big DVD logo on the bottom of it.

Amanda deduces that there's 3 monsters, and they came out of the glowing ball, which Dr. Crumb deduces was an egg. At the lab, Guto turns on a radio to which we hear in gory detail the aliens tearing apart a zoo. Amanda wants him to turn it off, but he doesn't. Either Guto is..

A. Just trying to annoy her.
B. Suddenly suffering from a bout of random deafness
C. Getting off on animals being slaughtered.

Amanda asks her uncle to get the weapons and get ready to fight like in "The battle of '54", but Crumb again tries to feed her BS. He also doesn't believe that there are any monsters, despite the reporter just talking about animals being destroyed. The only reason he made up "The battle of 54" is so he could trick the government to fund their antenna.

And this is supposed to be one of our heroes, ladies and gentlemen.

He also worries that once Amanda finds out, she won't respect him anymore. I wouldn't blame her, you're a horrible human being.




While he has his pep talk with Dr. Zooks, Amanda and Guto leave. While Guto tries to talk to what appears to be a deaf popcorn vendor, we finally see the first monster of this movie. Dr. Crumb picks up the kids in his red convertible, but leaves our African American popcorn vendor to fend for himself, but would you really be surprised by now? He also finally confesses to Amanda that he lied about the whole thing. And she FORGIVES HIM! The SOB cheated the government out of millions of dollars, and lied to her for her entire life, and she has no problems with this?

I want these characters to fucking die. Just die. Painfully and horrifically. Just cease to exist.

They get caught by an alien for a second, but manage to escape into a movie theater. The monster (who a minute ago was bigger than the building), busts through the movie screen. But a burst of salt from Guto's salt shaker, shrinks it down and makes it harmless. With more monsters on the attack, Amanda wants them to go out and fight. But again, Dr. Crumb complains that it's too dangerous, despite them knowing how to stop the monsters. But despite his advice to stay home, Amanda leaves instead with Guto to put a stop to the monsters. They quickly dispose of the monsters with salted peanuts. So they've saved the world, and the movie can finally....


DAMMIT!

Three aliens capture Amanda and Guto with their laser. They introduce themselves as the Green and Friendly (despite being beige) E.T's. The monsters were their pets that fell out of their space ship. They let the kids go, but are still missing one monster, who at that exact time is in an ice cream shop. It scares off the customers, and fills itself with Ice Cream until it grows. The kids and the not green E.T's are unable to stop it, until Dr. Crumb comes and saves the day, blasting it with a giant salt bomb. The aliens leave, and Crumb and company become the Monster Chasers.

What a monstrous piece of garbage! Possibly even worse than the sequel. From horrible characters, awful CGI, and coming in at a short but painful 45 minutes, this is an animated abomination. I hope that we never have to see these pricks ever again. Thankfully we can move on from Video Brinquedo for a while, and deal with anything that doesn't have that douchebag Dr. Crumb in it.