Cindersmelly
Disney: 2002
Cinderella is the film that saved the Walt Disney company. If it had failed, then we would have never seen Disneyland, or anything that had come after. for that, we owe this movie a lot of gratitude. It doesn't hurt that it is one of the most enduring classics in the Disney library. I said in my Pocahontas II induction that I did like this movie, and I stand by that decision. Cinderella is likable, The animal characters aren't as annoying as others, and Lady Tremaine may be the most detestable character in the Disney villain library.
Lady Tremaine Bl...
Gaaaah! Not the stare! Alright! You don't blow!
And the movie has a satisfying ending. After all the crap Cinderella was put through, she finally gets her Prince Charming and lives happily ever after.
Or does she?
Well, after 52 years of an ending that works, Disney decided to resurrect the franchise that saved their skin, and in 2002 Cinderella: Dreams Come True was released. And, if we've learned anything from previous cheapquels it's to expect disappointment.Not just disappointment, but also a lame attempt at throwing what may have been episodes from a scrapped TV series?
There's only one to find out. Let's review this thing.
We start it off with our beloved rodents Jaq and Gus in a hurry as the Fairy Godmother is apparently going to tell them the Cinderelly story. Considering that they've been with Cinderella since the events of the first movie, and know what's been going on, I don't see the need for such a rush. Avoiding Pom Pom, the castle's token fat douche cat, they still end up not making it in time. Punctuality is a lost art among rodents I guess. Gus suggests a new story, but Fairy Godmother says that there isn't any other story, tough I think she's just BSing them because lord knows she has better things to do than tell a story to vermin. But Gus decides that the mice should make their own story. And with a little Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boogery, the mice and the Fairy Godmother build a new book, as the mice tell stories involving Cinderella. That's what I meant by a lame attempt at throwing what may have been episodes from a scrapped show. This isn't one set plot like most Cheapquels do. This is 3 stories compiled in a 80 minute movie.
Kinda lame when you really think about it. I mean, this isn't freaking Creepshow, where you could buy that. It's Cinder-freakin-ella!
And with that we tell our first tale, involving Cinderella's first day in the castle. And we begin this exciting tale with the mice bored as hell. But the dullery comes to a cease as Cinderella and Prince Charming finally return from their honeymoon. Cinderella has doubts that she can be a proper princess, and prince cardboard cutout... I mean Charming, tries to reassure her. However the King also believes Cinderella knows jack about being a proper princess, and enlists the help of Prudence, who as you would guess, is as stuck up as all getouts.
Prudence is ye royal douche.
However, she wasn't expecting to have to teach Cinderella how to deal with the royal banquet. But if that wasn't the worst of Cinderella's problems, Prince Charming has to leave to get a personality... I mean, has to leave due to "Important matters of state". As Cinderella enters the dank castle, she's greeted by her animal friends. Good thing she's alone with her pals, or she'd be committed for talking to rodents. So, the day approaches, and Cinderella starts her day like all princesses do... cooking food for the mice. But before the deliciousness commences, Prudence, and her hired help put a stop to things, and takes Cinderella off to get dressed royally, and to learn the ways of being as stuck up as she is, from posture, to telling the commoners to essentially piss off.
Ye... Royal.... Douche!
And of course, the piled on amount of duties causes Cinderella to get depressed, that and Ye Royal Douche. However, thanks to her rodent ragamuffins, she realizes that she's been following all the stupid rules for nothing since Prince charisma vacuum... I mean Charming, likes her for her. And hey, since it's been like 15 minutes, and the only song was the essential theme to the series, let's have a rather dull happy song called, I guess "Make your own way", as Cinderella changes things around, and lets the common folk in. But lady broom up the ass still advises against it, as Cinderella kindly tells her to go F*** herself. well, she doesn't say it, but that's what i assume she meant. So, the banquet finally happens, Cinderella dances with children, and lady "Moolah's haunted cave" is still being horrified by the radical changes. and Then the king arrives. Who swerves in and out of anger so much, you'd swear he was in TNA....
...I deserve that.
So, Prince a bottle of molasses has more charisma.. I mean Charming shows up, Prudence apologizes (though let's be honest, she's just saying that to keep her job), and everyone dances to end the first tale. And after some more talking between the Fairy Godmother and the mice, it's off to our 2nd tale, this time involving the mice, namely Jaq. The tale begins with the lovable mouse palls in the garden trying to get flowers for Cinderella.
This however, turns out to be a stupid idea as it attracts the attention of Pom Pom, the royal cat. The duo escape with flowers still intact, as they carry them to Cinderella's room, only to be trumped, as Cinderella already has a giant vase full. And she has to now prepare a royal festival. Didn't we just do something like this, only with a banquet, and Ye Royal Douche?
And if you wanted some sort of romantic angle with Jaq and Mary, you get it. Still, it's better than Cinderella and Prince the Borelight Zone.... I mean Charming. However, the mice encounter a problem as Cinderella forgot the preparations list, and Jaq embarks to give it to her. However, problems involving a bevy of feet, and a dropped napkin leads to what else? CHAOS! As Jaq nearly gets killed by a fat lady, and ends up sad that he's of no use. So, Cinderella decides to have him help at the stables. But an accident involving some hay has him lost before Cinderella can see him. Jaq whines some more about not being big, as the Fairy Godmother shows up....... and sits on him. Really helping build his confidence there FG. So Jaq wishes to be big.
Well, it's more than just being big. He wants to be human. Wise choice, i guess, as a giant mouse isn't exactly my idea of being useful.
Unless you want to screw around with Sylvester the cat at least.
Jaq gets his wish granted, and is now human, while Pom Pom, not understanding that he's not a mouse anymore because she's a stupid cat, follows him around, as we get another very pointless song. At least it isn't at a song per 5 minute radius like the other cheapquels were. Jaq finally encounters Cinderella, but before he can tell her of his sudden evolution, he gets mistaken as a member of the royal committee, and constaltly called Hugh. But as he gets to the castle, Pom Pom lures him with a piece of cheese, and after finally seeing her, he runs away. Uh, I know you're still got some animal instinct and whatnot, but for god sake, you're bigger than her. Just freaking kick her! Just when it looks like it's curtains for our mouse man, Cinderella runs into him again, and asks for him to accompany her. But he soon learns that the fat lady is now dealing with Gus and the gang. He saves them, but now ends up having to take her to the dance. So, Jaq starts to begin to realize being human sucks, as Fairy Godmother shows up to subtly guilt trip him.
"This reminds me of that fat man i used to ride to work!"
It's time for the big spring festival. And Hugh has to dance with the lady who earlier tried to murder him out of fear. And speaking of trying to kill him, Pom Pom finally goes in for the kill. And as she chases him, of course this leads to what else? Unintended insanity. Or Chaos. The Fairy Godmother returns to finally turn Jaq back to normal so he can help by stopping the elephant.
Or the elephant could miss him entirely and step on him. Either way, win win.
But there is no dead mice, as Jaq stops the elephant, is happy to be who he is, and the 2nd story comes to an end.
Back to the side story with the mice and the book, as the use of magic leads to more insanity, until Fairy Godmother puts the kibosh on it. And this craziness reminds them of Cinderella's Stepsister falling in love. Wait, if this involves her stepsister, then.......
GAAAAAAHH!
Yes, it's back to the assholic former family of Cinderella. And with another ball approaching (does that frigging castle have a damn day off from some sort of wacky event where chaos occurs?), Lady Tremaine of course wants her daughters to snag an eligible bachelor. Meanwhile, Cinderella is off to market in disguise, as her rag tag rodent gang comes along. Too bad this is at the same time her former family is shopping. However, lovesick Anastasia ends up walking into a bakery, and suffering from love at first sight with the baker. But before it's love at first bite, the always stuck up Tremaine puts a stop to it pronto. I'm starting to miss Ye Royal Douche. Cinderella, quick to realize the situation, decides to get involved. And with her animal minions, leads Anastasia and the baker back to each other again. And since we've dealt with one cat, why not the other, as the mice then have to deal with Lucifer, who causes a horse to kick Anastasia.
They don't show it or course, but here's a reenactment.
Now, a mess, she becomes the laughing stock of the town. Cinderella eventually confronts her, and tries to cheer her up. Personally don't see the need to be so invested since she treated her like crap, but I guess she's a nice person. She takes Anastasia to the castle, as we get more foolishness with Lucifer and the mice. Lucifer is finally going to kill the damn rodents, when he lays eyes on Pom Pom, and falls instantly in love. Pom Pom, doesn't quite feel the same way. And the mice use this to their advantage as they play animal matchmaker. And it's time for another song. And like the other 3, it blows tremendously. After a makeover montage, and that song, it's time for Anastasia to impress the baker, as Cinderella tells her to not listen to Lady Tremaine.
Yeah, that's gonna go over well.
So, she heads to meet the baker, but there ends up being more romantic misunderstandings. Back to the more interesting plot, as Lucifer and Pom Pom fall in love, and decide to both go after the mice. But that comes to an end quick, as the mice outsmart them, the two have a rather quick falling out. Back to the other plot, as Anastasia and the baker finally see each other again, but of course Tremaine sticks her ugly head, and puts a stop to things. But Anastasia finally tells her off, ans goes to the ball with the Baker. And they do, as the story finally comes to an end. The mice finally finish the book, and give it Cinderella, and that's the end.
And that's Cinderella II. The main problem with this cheapquel, other than it being a cheapquel.is the fact that it's obviously 3 episodes of a failed TV show, and none of the "episodes" were at all interesting. That, and the music, while few and far between, sucked royally. And Prince Horse Tranquilizer... I mean Charming is easily the most useless prince character ever. Other than decent animation, this is a magical trainwreck.
But sadly, we're not done yet. Despite this dismal installment, Disney tried one more time with the franchise, and involved the one thing you would expect from a Cinderella story.... Time travel.
Get ready, because when this wand hits 88 miles per hour you're gonna see some serious tooncrap.
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