BatStinks
Hal Seeger Productions: 1966
Some cartoons are so good that they stand the test of time. Others, no so much. And in the case of Batfink, our last induction for Stupor Zero month, it suffers from the stale stench of bat guano. Okay, that may be a bit harsh for a cartoon from the 60's, but hear me out. Look at other superhero cartoons from that particular period, like, say Underdog. Underdog was a far more original take on the superman style character, although maybe it influenced one too many kids to go an pop certain "power pills". But it was still well done, and had that comedic feel that only a Jay Ward cartoon could have. Hal Seeger was no Jay ward. And Batfink was no original idea. It was actually more of a parody of the two biggest live action superhero shows on at the time, Batman, and the Green Hornet. Mix in some rather bland animation, and some really lame plots, and Voila, you have yourself a Batfink.
So enough beating around the Bat Bush, let's review this thing.
The show has used several different intros over the years, but none are really worth talking about. But if I had to talk about one in particular it's this one. It's not the most catchy theme, but at least it's a theme. Most of the other intros are just people shooting at Batfink.
Before we delve into the show, let's look at its main cast.
The main hero Batfink, is essentially a talking superhero bat, or a half man, half bat hybrid, lord knows. He has only 2 basic superpowers, one being a super sonic sonar radar, essentially making a beeping sound that can track enemies. And his most valued asset, his wings which are like a "shield of steel". Now, i know this is a cartoon, but wouldn't 2 big steel wings be extremely heavy? Batfink doesn't exactly look like a very strong individual. Then again, if he were, he wouldn't need the help of his sidekick...
Karate. And, that's his essential asset, his Karate Chop. Other than his rather stereotypical design, and somewhat broken English, he still serves as a useful aid to Batfink, and most of the time seems far more useful than Batfink himself.
And then there's Batfink's nemesis Dr. Hugo A Go-Go. Essentially the show's token evil mad scientist who wants to for no real reason take over the world.
"Of Course!"
Since the particular episodes are only 5 minutes in length, we'll look at two. We'll start with the first episode of the series, "The Pink Pearl of Persia".
We start our episode with Karate giving Batfink a sandwich. Since our Fink that is a Bat can't eat it all, Karate chops it in half. But Batfink's Snacksploits are cut to a halt as the police chief (Who for some reason sounds like a half assed Sylvester the cat) informs Batfink that the priceless pink peal of Persia has gone missing. So it's off in the Batillac to the museum, but a rising drawbridge is impeding their path. So instead of waiting a couple minutes, they drive across as it almost looks like they can't make it. This act is apparently so suspenseful, they felt the need to freeze frame, and the narrator chimes in on if our heroes will make it in time.
"Looks like them Fink boys are in trouble again."
Also, he mentions they're hurdling into space, 300 feet above the icy current.
Overreacting much?
So, when it looks like they're going to fall.... 300 feet from space, Batfink uses his wings of steel to fly the car over the bridge to safety as our heroes head to the museum. Using his super sonic sonar radar, AKA a pair of beeps that fly across the room, Batfink finds the chief's badge and learns who nabbed the pearl. The chief asks if Batfink will aid them in catching the pearl, and Batfink does what all noble heroes does and says no.
Well, that's a little bit douchey.
And since he chose not to help, apparently the entire world has branded him a traitor. This leads the thieves who nabbed the pearl to persuade Batfink to join their side. But of course Batfink isn't a traitor as he takes the pearl back.
So, Batfink had to pretend to be a double crosser so he could get the pearl instead of doing what all normal superheroes would do and just reclaim the pearl without having your integrity come into question at all?
Batfink's a douche.
The Mobsters fire at Batfink, but he deflects them using his steel wings. At the sound of bullets, Karate comes to Batfinks aid. However, his Karate Chop sends the door crashing into Batfink. He then scolds his hand, and tells it that it will spend the rest of the day in his pocket.
Much better than the Ralph wiggum approach to bad hand actions.
So with the Pearl in hand, Batfink and Karate escape, as the mobsters follow them. But Batfink uses his steel wings to hit a lamp post, sending the light crashing into the bosses' head, and causing their car to crash. But that doesn't deter the mobsters, as Batfink and Karate drive into a dead end. Our heroes are cornered, and the mobsters once again have the pearl. But Batfink uses his super sonic sonar radar to stop the bad guys, reclaim the pearl, and save the day.
Since that was so much fun, let's peer into another. This time it's "The Short Circuit Case".
We start the episode with Hugo A Go-Go causing the city's electrical system to go haywire. Meanwhile Batfink is in his cave enjoying a book, as Karate is yet again making a sandwich. but yet again, before they can eat, the chief calls them to inform them of the problems. So it's into the Batillac, and off to save the day. Using his super sonic so... Hell with it, I'm just going to call it super beeps. Using his super beeps, he finds the source of the problem, the not assuming in the least observatory. But Batfink walks into a trap, as he's propelled into a steam cabinet, that apparently can get hot enough to melt his wings of steel. Now wait, if they got hot enough to melt steel, wouldn't he be more concerned about dying first. i mean this isn't like melting plastic, THESE ARE FRIGGING STEEL WINGS!
But with his super beeps, he somehow is able to free himself. he then uses more of his super beeps to find A Gogo, who brandishes a gun at him. Batfink yet again goes into the "Bullets can't harm me! My wings are like a sheild of steel" yarn, but Hugo actually uses logic, and instead fires at a button that causes a giant magnet that attracts the steel wings, trapping Batfink yet again as Hugo escapes. Batfink signals for Karate, who decides to equip brass knuckles to enter the observitory. This plan doesn't bode well as he too gets trapped in the magnet.
Instead of using his Deus Ex Machina, aka the super beeps, he figures if he and Karate touch feet, the pull of the magnet will break since they're on opposite sides. So with our heroes freed, it's off to put a hurtin' on Hugo. but the mad scientist is hiding behind a cast iron door, which i guess is weak for Steel wings to cut through. And like the last episode it's time for another car chase. But Hugo causes some power lines to crash into the Batillac. but that's okay because the Batillac is equipped with a.... Ugh.... Thermonuclear Insulated Plutonium Heat Shield. How the hell did Batfink get plutonium? You don't just walk into a store and buy plutonium. Did he steal it from the Libyans?
They're not very fond of people doing that.
As they continue to chase Hugo, he blows up the bridge, and it's our heroes are once again caught between a bridge and a hard place. Only they're not "hurdling into space, 300 feet above the icy current". They drive on the broken part of the bridge, and continue the chase. But the chase comes to a stop, as Hugo runs out of gas. But before he can be put to jail, he whips out a bomb, which gives us another freeze frame.
But once again the steel wings protected them from explosion. The mayor gives Batfink the key to the city (which is of course a key that is larger than any lock in the city), and since Batfink thinks Karate deserves half the credit, Karate chops the key in half. Har Har Har....
And that's Batfink in a nutshell. It's really nothing to write home about. The animation is kinda dull, even by 60's TV cartoon standard. The voices are annoying, and the plots are out and out dumb. And Batfink's powers seem to end up being too useful at times. almost like Batfink is the ultimate Gary Stu, and can accomplish anything with his Beeps of doom, and his stupid wings.
and with this, We bid farewell to Stupor Zero month. March is rapidly approaching, and we start it off early with a 2 part induction, as we return to the Cheapquel Vault, and pull out 2 of the most notorious Cheapquels in the Disney Vault. One, that felt like a lame attempt at a TV pilot disguised as an actual sequel, and the other, a lame third act that involves the biggest cliche of them all... Time travel.
That's right, the Cinderella sequels.
I got a feeling these are going to be Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Bad.