After roughly a year and a half of covering them, I have finally finished the Tales to Give You Goosebumps side series. Six bizarre books compiling ten tales each, each with a strange 12 or so page story that usually just ended with "they were werewolves because of course". But much like my run through the original Goosebumps series, it is only right to give the definitive ranking from start to finish. Much like how I handled the Goosebumps rank, it'll boil down to quick consensus based on the quality of the story.
A+: 3 Stories
A: 5 Stories
A-: 12 Stories
B+: 4 Stories
B: 7 Stories
B-: 14 Stories
C+: 5 Stories
C: 5 Stories
C-: 3 Stories
D: 2 Stories
F: 0 Stories
So, I showed some restraint I see. No stories fared lower than a D, with only two stories hitting that dreaded number. Let's get ranking. Each ranking will feature a number on the right corresponding to the book that it came from.
#60: MARSHMALLOW SURPRISE (6): The last of the "Werewolves all along" story gives us the lamest non-reason for the werewolf twist ever.
#59: PLEASE DON'T FEED THE BEARS (4): Kid has a weird trip and thinks she's a bear mascot. Not very well structured, nor all that creepy.
#58: SOMETHING FISHY (2): Kid shrinks because of a magic fish tank. Despite almost ending up flushed down the toilet, he doesn't learn his lesson.
#57: STRAINED PEAS (1): Evil monster babies, or possibly a demented kid's overactive imagination. Either way, it's as bad as the episode adaptation it got later.
#56: THE CHALK CLOSET (3): Lazy kids get punished for bad behavior by a chalk obsessed teacher. Creepier in concept, but lame in execution.
#55: ATTACK OF THE CHRISTMAS PRESENT (6): Evil robot wants to play tag. An underwhelming end of the Tales series.
#54: THE GOBLIN'S GLARE (4): A weird Groundhog Day take that doesn't execute itself all that flawlessly.
#53: MONSTER ON THE ICE (6): The Haunted Mask but with ice skates and less time to do much with it.
#52: BROKEN DOLLS (1): Dolly Jelly. Dolly. Jelly.
#51: MR. TEDDY (1): Night of the Living Teddy Bears doesn't scream as successful an idea as Living Dummies.
#50: SUCKERS! (2): Sticky blob monster that could be interesting if not in the rushed state the story finds itself in.
#49: TEACHER'S PET (1): Kids are scared to find out their teacher is a snake, then suddenly don't have a problem with it. Huh.
#48: THE HOUSE OF NO RETURN (1): A bunch of kids seemingly send kids to their death, but get outsmarted in the end. Cool idea but rushed.
#47: THE HAUNTED GUITAR (5): Good moral on not cutting corners, but another story with weak execution.
#46: THE SPIRIT OF THE HARVEST MOON (2): A kid gets his ass kicked because the protagonist thinks he's a ghost, only to actually let the actual talking dog ghost in. Interesting but rushed yet again.
#45: THE WEREWOLF'S FIRST NIGHT (2): They were all werewolves all along so this was pointless.
#44: A VAMPIRE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD (1): They were all vampires all along so this was pointless.
#43: FOR THE BIRDS (3): Awful girl kills her family and I guess that's a good thing??
#42: CHANGE FOR THE STRANGE (4): Random animal transformation story that feels like it just kinda takes too much inspiration from Teacher's Pet.
#41: BATS ABOUT BATS (3): Strange character was a bat all along so this was pointless.
#40 THE SPACE SUIT SNATCHER (4): Did you ever see that movie Contact?
#39: STUCK IN 1957 (5): Time travel story that doesn't quite stick the landing despite a solid effort.
#38: THE SCARECROW (4): Cute but toothless moral about theft.
#37: STRANGERS IN THE WOODS (1): The aunt was an alien all along so this was pointless.
#36: POISON IVY (2): Evil plants defeated by strong smelling aftershave. Not exactly a show stopping tale.
#35: CLICK (1): Cool concept for a story that flows well enough and has a dark enough twist. Episode version was stronger.
#34: WHY I HATE JACK FROST (6): Cool idea about a haunted ornament that causes wintery dreams, but its twist is just a mess.
#33: PUMPKIN JUICE (4): Kids turn into monsters, but cure themselves before anything interesting happens. Twist is ultra predictable.
#32: DR. HORROR'S HOUSE OF VIDEO (2): Cool monster concepts and a decent twist, but nothing special.
#31: YOU GOTTA BELIEVE ME! (2): I like the twist that the protagonist still isn't believed. Other than that, it's meh.
#30: MATT'S LUNCHBOX (5): Evil hunger causing Gargoyles leads to an interesting idea, but not a strong story.
#29: DON'T SIT ON THE GRONK! (6): Cool, I've seen Gremlins as well.
#28: LIVE BAIT (4): Twist is too predictable for this tale of a giant monster fish.
#27: SANTA'S HELPERS (6): Happiest ending in any of these stories.
#26: FUN WITH SPELLING (5): It's a better Be Careful What You Wish For.
#25: AWESOME ANTS (4): Creepy giant monster idea, but the episode elaborated on the idea better.
#24: HOME SWEET HOME (3): Weird, but somehow still works if you give it more thought. Alice and Mrs. Forster were in cahoots.
#23: THE GHOST SITTER (5): Some decent creepy atmosphere, even if the twist is a wet fart.
#22: TUNE IN TOMORROW (5): Show within a show within a show within a decent story.
#21: THE PERFECT SCHOOL (2): Stronger than the episode for being much shorter and to the point.
#20: MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL (5): Kinda feels like if Let's Get Invisible had a darker ending.
#19: THE ICE VAMPIRE (6): Decent intensity, but suffers from an obvious twist.
#18: I'M TELLING! (3): Creepy idea of a gargoyle with stone-causing drool leads to a decent story with a funny twist.
#17: NUTCRACKER NIGHTMARE (6): Patience is a virtue, and this freaky time traveler excels in doing just that with some good imagery of the passage of time. Could have used more though.
#16: ATTACK OF THE TATTOO (4): Monster transformation story that at least feels fleshed out better than most.
#15: P.S. DON'T WRITE BACK! (2): Creepy atmosphere, especially with the haunted camp. Freaky twist.
#14: THE CAT'S TALE (2): A better Cry of the Cat.
#13: AN OLD STORY (4): Imagery and twist are somehow darker and more disturbing than the episode provided.
#12: ALIENS IN THE GARDEN (3): Giant aliens meet tiny Earthlings in a very Twilight-Zone-ian plot.
#11: DON'T WAKE MUMMY! (3): A decent Mummy story with just the right amount of tension.
#10: A HOLLY JOLLY HOLIDAY (6): Freaky for the imagery of the family turning into versions of Susie Snowflake, not to mention one of the better thought out late stories.
#9: HOW I WON MY BAT (1): A strong lesson based story with a good and creepy twist.
#8: SOMETHING STRANGE ABOUT MARCI (5): Probably the best executed story in the bunch with the best twist, but just seems to be missing something perfect.
#7: THE WISH (4): A dark twist makes this one of the stronger stories.
#6: THE THUMBPRINT OF DOOM (3): I like the execution of this story thanks to how well it executes a slice of life story. Probably the cutest story of the bunch.
#5: WHAT'S COOKING? (5): Freaky Candyman-like story leads to some of the more gorier images described in any of these stories.
#4: THE HAUNTED HOUSE GAME (3): A dark and sad story that actually has a twist that hits pretty hard.
#3: SHELL SHOCKER (2): The most story-structured story doesn't have the most original twist, but it leads to the most frightening twist.
#2: THE DOUBLE-DIP HORROR (6): One of the best thought out stories of the bunch with the right amount of build up and a chilling twist. The last good story.
#1: GOOD FRIENDS (1): A look into a child's broken mental state leads to a story that's sad as well as being rather dark. The tale of a boy who has lost touch with reality.
Tales to Give You Goosebumps was an interesting concept. Take what feels like the recycle bin of Goosebumps ideas and flesh them out just enough for a 12+ page story. And sometimes it works. It can give you a good horror story about a twin-obsessed murder ghost, or a cute slice of life tale that doesn't scare but leaves you satisfied. But you also see a lot of ideas that just don't work, be it a shrinking fish tank or whatever the hell Please Don't Feed the Bears was meant to accomplish. Honestly, given a decade of new Goosebumps books, it'd be neat to see at least one more revival of this idea. But for what we got, I was satisfied enough. There was some stuff I hated, but the mediocre ultimately outweighed the bad. Outweighed the good too, but nowhere as bad as sitting through the longer slogs of larger books. In the end, it was worth the read.
No comments:
Post a Comment