Gooseblog: Goosebumps Series 2000 #9: Are You Terrified Yet?

We've dealt with a lot in Series 2000 so far. Cat tornadoes, dummies who want child brides, evil twins, body squeezers, whatever the hell was going on with Revenge R Us. But now it's time to dip into some good old fashioned fear factor as Jovial Bob Stine asks that age old question "Are You Terrified Yet?"

COVER STORY

So, this is one of the covers that "got me" as a kid. Unlike skeleton families and the unsettling thoughts that came with that, this one got me because I have a baaaad case of arachnophobia. And, wouldn't you know it, Tim gives us some freaky looking spiders on this cover, with the main one looking particularly deadly with his slimy drool (because we need that drool). Good detail on the jar too with the light bouncing off it. Another great piece of artwork.

STORY

Craig Morgenstern and his family have moved to Middle Valley, Ohio. For Craig, this is a blessing in disguise as back at his old school, he was given the nickname of C-C-C-Craig due to the fact that this kid is a massive wuss. everything scares him, or in the case of his old school, everyone got a kick out of making his life a living hell. But as we deal with Craig's mental frailty, the book suddenly goes breakneck pace as Craig falls off his bike and sees a car with only a baby inside is driving down a hill all on its own. Craig tries to play hero and grab the door in time, but on two separate occasions, misses. Yet third time's the charm as he manages to get into the car, stop it, and save the baby inside. He gets treated as a massive brave hero despite mostly being dumb luck. This also catches the attention of some kids who thinks that Craig must be really brave. These being Amy Suskind, Brad Caperton and Travis Walker.

So now, despite actually being a wuss, everyone thinks that Craig is this amazing hero and they force him into having to do crazier things. They tell him to beat up Brad's older brother, but even Craig knows that could mean his doom, so he says that Brad should just stand up to him. Up next, Amy informs him that there's a young boy stuck up a tree and Craig has no other option but to go up there and get him down. The kid gets down easily on his own, but Craig goes tumbling down, screaming as he falls, with a birds nest in his hands. After trying to recover from such a fall, everyone again calls him a hero, except for Brad and Travis, who think Craig is a big phony. Before Craig can cop to it, Amy says that he's not a phony and will take on any challenge the pair give him. So, Amy makes a bet on Craig's behalf that no matter what they try, Travis and Brad cannot scare Craig.

Craig and Amy are at her place watching horror movies, despite the fact that Craig is scared of them and Amy is either working really hard to pity him, or is stupid enough to think his screams are just in good fun. But this is interrupted by knocks at the door. It's some kids from his school who call him C-C-C-Craig. Turns out one of the kids has a cousin who went to Craig's old school, so now the jig is up on that. Travis is there as well and pulls out a jar of spiders, much like the cover art. This is the first challenge they've cooked up, have Craig keep his hand in the jar for five minutes. Despite Craig seriously hating this and wishing Amy would just shut up, she says he's not afraid and bets 30 dollars. Craig sticks his hand in and after two minutes is ready to quit, but the spider bites have swollen his hand up to the point that it gets stuck in the jar. Regardless, Craig wins, despite his hand being severely chewed up, so Amy then tells the boys to up the stakes, double or nothing.

Despite the fact that Craig is clearly in over his head, he also has a good thing going with Amy and of course this means he keeps lying about everything. So even if he wanted to get himself out of this mess, he's doing a terrible job at it. Brad and the others show up as Travis appears to have his eye hanging out of his skull, but even Craig isn't afraid because he knows it's fake. The boys still promise that they have something big planned for Craig. At school the next day, we see that Craig's suggestion that Brad should stand up to his brother didn't work out as we see Brad get the hell beaten out of him by his brother Grant and shoved into a locker. Amy, the masochist, tells Craig to handle Grant, and by the dumbest of luck, he trips Grant and lays him out. Everyone of course thinks that Craig must have punched him out. Good lord, I know this house of cards that is "brave Craig" is going to fall eventually, but I wish I had this kind of luck.

Time for the next challenge. Since Travis' dad works at a funeral parlor, they decide that Craig should sneak in and lay in one of the coffins. Before he can do so, they see a van park with some people bringing in someone in a body bag. Craig is, of course, ready to leave, but Amy again forces him into it. He enters the building and opens a coffin and nearly freaks out at the sight of a corpse inside. He's ready to quit, but Amy tells him to get inside with the corpse. Suddenly the corpse grabs Craig and goes in for the attack, only for Craig to accidentally pull the mask off the corpse, revealing it was Travis this whole time. Travis thinks that Craig must have realized it was a setup, but isn't willing to give up just yet. He proposes a final challenge, double or nothing, and of course, Amy accepts on Craig's behalf.

Craig has had enough, and calls Amy later to admit to everything. That he's not brave, that everything that's happened has been pure coincidence. Amy, of course, reads that as Craig wanting to spare Brad and Travis from having to lose the final challenge, because I'm convinced at this point she's either stupid, or a psychopath. Brad then calls Craig, saying the final challenge will be at the funeral parlor the next night. Despite everything, Craig shows up and enters the parlor. The challenge is to hug one of the corpses, a real corpse this time, not someone in disguise. Craig begins to do so, when once again the corpse begins to move on its own. In fact, all the coffins begin to open and more corpses begin to come to life. They start to attack Craig as the other kids, including Amy, run away.

TWIST ENDING

But it turns out that this was all a set up by Craig and Brad in advance. Craig goes to Brad's place later to thank his brother Grant for dressing up as a zombie. I guess that Craig's accidental KO fixed this issue. But they then tell Brad that it was only Grant dressed as a zombie, and there were other corpses moving! The living dead walks among us! This scares Brad who runs off. Craig and Grant laugh as we're reminded again, this was all just a setup. Craig goes home happily, no longer worried about dares or being called a coward, despite the fact that he totally still is.

CONCLUSION

Are You Terrified Yet? is actually not too bad. If anything, I think it's You Can't Scare Me done right. In that book, the issue is that the characters came off as way too unlikable. From Courtney being written as too perfect to Eddie being so obsessed in trying to scare her, that he literally dreams of siccing vicious dogs on her. And of course Hat... is a really stupid nickname. In this case, the book is about Craig who seems like a good kid that unfortunately gets put in worse and worse situations as he allows for his own lies to get him further and further in trouble. It's not a particularly original concept, but it works fine enough here. Although my question is more targeted to Amy and how genuine she was towards Craig. Did she like him and was being dumb enough to see past his clear paranoia over everything, or was she, just like the other kids, just trying to put him in more and more danger, just to profit off it? It seems like Craig is genuinely happier to have scared her off by the end.

And despite the lack of supernatural elements, I kind of find that a breath of fresh air. Yes, Goosebumps' bread and butter is the monster of the month/mad science concepts, but here, the focus is more on a slice of life concept and it actually works pretty well. And the main character, despite not fully getting over his fears, manages to learn a lesson by the end and evolve a little. A character having some growth in a GOOSEBUMPS book. That's rarer than a four leaf clover. Although the crazy opening with the car is a bit too silly to take seriously. Honestly, I thought going in that I'd hate this one, but I kind of recommend it instead. You might not leave it feeling terrified, but you'll feel like you haven't totally wasted your time. I give Are You Terrified Yet? an A.