We get right into the action for the Columbus Day edition of Monday Night Raw as Bam Bam Bigelow heads to the ring with the Million Dollar Corporation. Our opening contest sees Bigelow facing off against Lex Luger. Luger comes to the ring without any backup, but with the flag waving mightily. The ref has a hard time getting Tatanka, Volkoff and DIbiase out of the ring, allowing for Bigelow to get a cheap shot in on Luger. He beats down Lex as the "USA" chants fill the arena. Irish whip and a shoulder block by Bigelow. He succeeds on a second try. Scoop slam and a cover for two.
Luger reverses a whip with a series of elbows to the face that sends Bigelow tumbling out of the ring. Luger fixes his trunks and pummels Bigelow as he returns ot the ring. He works in an arm bar to Bam Bam. Bam Bam tries a trip and an elbow, but misses. Vince brings up that the returning King Kong Bundy is already a member of the corporation as well as the absence of IRS. Bam Bam returns on the offensive and hits a powerslam for two.
Bam Bam heads to the top turnbuckle and goes for a diving headbutt, but Luger gets out of the way in time. Luger takes out Volkoff and lands a clothesline for two. Luger goes back on the arm bar as King Kong Bundy waddles to ringside.
Hey, he's not skyscraper-sized! Those vignettes lied to me!
Luger tries to argue this addition as Bigelow regains momentum as we go to break. When we return Bigelow is still stomping down Luger.
Luger finally gets some backup in Mabel and Adam Bomb. But Bam Bam is still in control with a DDT, which he covers for two. Clothesline and a cover only gets two. Bam Bam tries to go for a hurricanrana but completely fails at it (but Vince and Savage still look at it as some sort of incredible maneuver).
Bam Bam locks in a chinlock, as the ref does the arm drop spot. Luger, of course recovers before the third drop. He tries for a house of fire, but gets a knee to the gut, killing his momentum once more. Bam Bam goes for a strike, but Luger recovers with some punches, only to get raked in the eyes by Bam Bam. Luger gets some boots out of the corner and lays in some more rights and some clotheslines, eventually taking down Bam Bam. Tatanka grabs at Luger's leg, but he gets kicked for his troubles. Tatanka goes on the apron, collides into Bigelow letting Luger get the roll up for three.
A boring match honestly. Not much interesting offense from Luger and despite Bigelow's best efforts, he just couldn't get a strong match out of Lex Luger. Clearly this is building to a Survivor Series match so as an angle, I guess it worked well enough. As an entertaining match, it lacked.
Speaking of Mabel, he's in action next against Reno Riggins. Riggins tries offense on Mabel, but gets no luck on the big man. He even tries a test of strength, but whe Mabel asks, Riggin hesitates. He tries to get the test on the buckle, but sneaks in with a cheap shot, getting an axe handle off the top. Mabel regains momentum with a slam, but misses an elbow drop. Riggins claps the ears and tries a headlock, but gets back dropped and leg dropped for three in a mildly more entertaining squash.
Up next it's "The King of Harts" Owen Hart in action against John Chrystal. Hammerlock exchanges from both men early on until Owen slaps Chrystal in the face, drop toe holds and lock in an arm bar. Crowd chants "We Want Bret" while Owen works in wringers. Some hard chops and a suplex. Vince makes a strange reference about Jack Tunney singing with Barry Manilow. He also says that there's three new Star Wars movies on the way with Bull Nakano as Princess Leia. Get it because she's fat and ugly. Never change Vince, don't you ever change.
Owen drops his knees to a prone Chrystal on the ropes. Also back to Roseanne with saying that there's a movie on Fox coming up called "the legend of Yoko Roseanne" sponsored by Crisco Oil. You know, the Roseanne jokes were fine originally, now it's just feels like a vendetta. Chrystal tries a dropkick and gets a backbreaker for his troubles. Chrystal rams Owen face first into the buckle, but is met with a whip and a belly to belly. Owen locks in the sharpshooter for the win in another okay squash.
Up next is the in-ring Raw debut of King Kong Bundy (With Ted Dibiase) against Mike Khoury. Khoury tries a fight early with some rights and a dropkick. He tries a whip, but gets nothing but a ram to the buckle and a clothesline for his troubles. Knee drop and a cover, but Bundy breaks it himself. He tosses Khoury out of the ring and gets in some rights when Khoury returns to the ring. Fist drop and a cover, but Bundy breaks it again. Elbow to the face and a knee drop. Vince brings up Ed Wood again as Bundy gets a splash in the corner for three, but tells he ref to count five to end this mediocre squash.
It's the shortest King's Court ever. No, not by length, but by guest. King rags on short people, because they got no reason. Lawler's guest this week. We recap the last few weeks on Superstars. Lawler popping the balloons, breaking Dink's tricycle, Dink setting a cream pie on Lawler's seat and making him sit in it. So, I can thankfully say most of the more annoying Doink crap is on Superstars. Lawler brings up the seven dwarfs, and calls Dink the eigth, ugly. Lawler introduces his own short man, Queasy.
Queasy says that he's going to squash Dink like the bug that he is and scrape him off the bottom of his shoe, because he's royalty like Lawler. Hey try a high five, but they botch it. Both kings leave happily as I realize "oh dear god, I'm about to enter THAT angle." And if I hated the four Doinks match last year at Survivor Series I fear what's to come.
Our last match is The New Headshrinkers (Fatu and Sione) against J.S Storm and Cory Student. Student attempts some shoulder blocks, only to get hit with a back body drop. Tag to Storm who tries offense, but gets a headbutt and a body slam from Sione. Tag to Fatu who hits a headbutt off the top buckle. Tag to Sione who hits a big boot for three in what I think is the fastest Headshrinkers squash ever.
We end Raw with Doink and Dink (with Burger King crowns). They give a pair to Vince and Savage as they're asked about the whole Queasy situation, but Doink says that he has a surprise for Lawler and Queasy on Superstars. A "little" surprise. Oh god, he splashed Dink with water. They're multiplying!
A by the book edition of Raw this week. Luger vs Bigelow was bland, but the squashes weren't too bad this time around. Nothing extraordinary, but they did the job. And of course a King's Court that's going to lead us into some real crap territory in the upcoming weeks, so strap in. As for this Raw, I give it a D. Not much really worth coming back to, despite okay squashes.
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