We open this, the May 16th edition of Monday Night Raw with a recap of the Earthquake/Yokozuna sumo storyline. Pettengill narrates as we see the might of Yokozuna and the history within the sumo ring for Earthquake. It ends with both men definitely hungry for competition. Or at least for the nearest buffet table. It's Raw's last show for the Burlington Vermont trilogy of tapings. Vince and Savage at the table.
Opening action is Bam Bam Bigelow vs Sparky Plugg to determine the next spot in the King of the Ring competition. Vince brings up how Bigelow made it to the finals last year. A finals that I considered my favorite match of 1993 by the way. Sparky ducks under Bam Bam to start, but gets dumped out of the ring with some authority. Sparky gets a clothesline, but it doesn't faze Bam Bam, but a dropkick sends Bam Bam to the floor floor (to quote the Macho Man). Bam Bam gets a body slam, but misses the headbutt. Sparky gets caught into a slam for two.
Sparky fights out of the corner, but a headbutt puts a stop to his momentum. Bam Bam charges the corner, but gets a boot as Sparky tries to fight back, only to get an enziguri to the back of the head. Luna refers to Sparky as a crash dummy as Sparky's next attempt at regaining momentum crashes and burns.
Bam Bam lands a falling headbutt to the shoulder of Sparky and follows with a choke on the rope. He misses a splash in the corner, which lets Sparky get a bulldog and a DDT. He goes up top and lands a cross body for a close two. Roll up from Sparky gets a two. He goes for clotheslines that take Bam Bam to a knee, but a trip from Luna gets Sparky clothesline. Bam Bam hits a slingshot headbutt off the ropes for the three.
A very good match honestly. A little slow in places, but compared to the Razor/Kwang match of last week, I think both men had far better chemistry. Sparky's been around for five months at this point, and so far this was definitely his best showing, not to mention this has been Bam Bam's best showing in a while. The slingshot off the ropes was actually really cool looking, being such a different variation from the top turnbuckle headbutt. Part of me hopes this is a sign that Bam Bam will at least have some motivation going forward.
It's the King of the Ring report with Todd Pettingill. We learn the updated card for the event is as follows. The WWF title is on the line as Intercontinental Champion Diesel takes on WWF Champion Bret Hart. Also on the card as previously mentioned is Jerry "The King" Lawler vs the returning Rowdy Roddy Piper, with the storyline involving Jerry Lawler mocking sick kids at a children's hospital. That is checking your punchcard to hell-level heeling. As for the tournament itself, the eight qualified names are filling in fast as we've made it to four.
IRS, mabel, Razor Ramon and Bam Bam Bigelow have already seen entry into the tournament. On Superstars, it'll be Jeff Jarrett vs Lex Luger.
Speaking of Diesel, he's in action next against Mike Moraldo. Moraldo tries some punches, but gets tossed over the rope with one hand by Big Daddy Cool. He brings him back in and lays a big boot. He follows with a bearhug and a sidewalk slam. Snake eyes in the corner followed by a pull of the chin. Jacknife gets the win in a very impressive squash. A good build for not only the I.C champ, but the challenger to the WWF title.
In our weekly Undertaker sighting, we learn from a gas station attendant that he saw the Undertaker riding a black hearse. Literally riding it, as in he's on top of the hearse. I can't unsee the image of Undertaker riding a hearse like Mr. Bean complete with a comfy chair on top.
It's this week's edition of the King's Court. Do you know the meaning of the word "repulsive"? Look in a dictionary. You'll probably see a picture of your face next to it. Lawler wanted to find out why Piper started wearing a dress, so he went back to when Piper was 18 years old. He was drafted to be in an army, so he dressed as a woman to get out of it. The army didn't take him in, but the doctor took him out (Yikes).
So the point of this segment is that his guests are "The Million Dollar Man" Ted Dibiase and his latest purchase, Nikolai Volkoff. So much for that being on the side of the people stuff. But I guess it's true what they say, everybody's got a price for the Million Dollar Man. Volkoff is broke, so he works for Dibiase despite his hatred of the man. Eh, I didn't like this with JBL vs Shawn Michaels, I didn't like this when Big Show was the bitch of the authority and honestly this angle isn't any better decades prior with Volkoff and Dibiase.
He throws Volkoff's hat to the ground as he tells Nikolai that he's gotten him a new outfit. Trunks that say "Property of Million Dollar Man", complete with cent signs on the sides. Much to his chagrin, he puts the trunks on. He tells Nikolai to take the jacket off, much to the humiliation of Nikolai, and gives him one of those crummy tuxedo shirts. He mentions Nikolai's body building past, and even makes mention of Mark Henry. So, yeah. A mention of Henry two years before he even stepped foot in a ring. And it's sad that that's the most interesting part of this segment to me.
Owen Hart is up next against not Ray Roy, but Tony Roy. Lot's of Roys in Vermont. Arm wringers between both men until Owen lands a nice clothesline to Roy. He follows with a dropkick and a suplex with a drop off the second rope. He lands a gutwrench suplex and a chinlock. It's Savage's USA Network shill this week. Broadcast News is on Tuesday. Holly Hunter and William Hurt getting some love from the WWF. Roy rams Owen into the buckle, but misses a dropkick, which Owen turns into a sharpshooter for the quick win. Nothing much to say in this one, very by the books, even for Owen. But his aggression continues with a whip and a spin kick to Roy. He slaps Roy around and puts on the Bret shades as he yells to the camera that he's better than Bret.
We get our next vignette for Duke "The Dumpster" Droese as we've apparently awakened him from his nap inside a dumpster. You know Vince, garbage men don't actually live in garbage. They do actually have homes, you know. But perhaps Duke merely is trying to live up to his idol, Oscar the Grouch.
The ropes are removed as we enter our main event, the sumo match between Yokozuna and Earthquake. We get an ad for next week's Raw for a King of the Ring qualifyer between Earthquake and Owen Hart. We'll get to that briefly because there is some important info on that. The rules to this match are simple, you have to throw the other out of the ring by using sumo regulated moves. No powerslams or death valley drivers in this outing, folks.
Quaker is wearing a mawashi and blue tights. I guess I was expecting much worse.
Like Big Show's pasty ass checks in that match with Akebono worse.
They throw their salt and ready themselves in the center of the ring. A lot of stalling to start as both men go to their corners again to throw the salt. Literally we're halfway through and nothing has happened. Just squat, stare, go to corner, throw salt. Over and over. I assume that's fine for actual sumo matches, but this is supposed to be the WWF with some more energy to it. Eventually they finally start fighting. Yoko almost has Earthquake out of the ring until Quake grabs him and tries to shove him out.
Elbow to the eye from Yokozuna. Both men bearhug each other as they try to shove the other out. Quake is teetering out, but he gets out the way. Crowd is behind the Quaker as it remains a battle of the bulge. Both men almost get the other out of the ring. The swamp ass on Quake is hypnotizing. Quake finally shoves Yokozuna out of the ring to win. This was a very dull match, and I'd assume that even for traditional Sumo matches, this was very dull. But for an attraction, the concept worked fine enough I guess. And clearly this match means a big push for Quake, right?
Well, unfortunately it's time to say goodbye once again. This time to the Earthquake. John Tenta would suffer an injury that would take him out of action. To take him off TV, they filmed an angle at a house show of Yokozuna and Crush inflicting the injury to him. Because of this, it'll be Owen Hart vs Doink next week in the qualifier. Quake would eventually leave the WWF during the Summer to return to Japan, and then soon enough to WCW from 1994 to 1997, playing such characters as Avalanche and Shark. Tenta would reemerge in 1998's WWF as Golga of the Oddities. A masked manchild who is a massive fan of Cartman from South Park, even carrying a Cartman plush to the ring. Earthquake would make one more big appearance for the company at Wrestlemania X7 in the gimmick battle royal.
Sadly, in 2004 Tenta was forced to retire from wrestling after being diagnosed with bladder cancer and even more tragically on June 7th, 2006, John Tenta passed away. In just under two weeks from this article's posting it'll be ten years since he's been gone, and he's still greatly missed. Honestly, I always thought Earthquake was great. He had a great shouty promo presence to him and was an agile guy for his size, not to mention solid enough in the ring. In an industry where Vince goes gaga for size, Earthquake was one of the few big men who was believable in the ring and played his role perfectly. Be it destroying Hulk Hogan or squashing Jake the Snake Roberts' pet python Damien and making quakeburgers. He was a good hand and a good star and it sucks that we're without him. So let this be one hast hurrah to the great Koto Tenzan, the great Earthquake and the great man John Tenta. May you be dropping aftershocks to jobbers in heaven.
As for this Raw, it was mixed bag at best. While I laud the Sumo match for being somewhat dull, I think it served well as an attraction like it was intended. Bam Bam vs Sparky was decent and the squashes were fast and effective. The only dull point was really the King's Court and my inability to really get invested in this whole broke Volkoff angle. But you take that aside, and you still have a fairly enjoyable Raw that moves at a rapid pace. That's good enough for a B- rating.