It's Wednesday, November 24th, 1993. Addams Family Values was in theaters, Meatloaf's "I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That) was topping the bilboard Hot 100, and the WWF hosted its 7th annual Survivor Series pay per view from the Boston Garden in Boston, Massachusetts. The event drew an event low of only 15,509, and a low buyrate of 0.82. So what's been going down since Summerslam?
Lex Luger remains the focal point of the product as the major American babyface. But instead of feuding him with WWF Champion Yokozuna, they've given Luger a feud with newcomer Ludvig Borga. The Helsinki Hellraiser amassed an impressive winning streak up to this point in the product, even scoring the first pinfall over Tatanka.
With the traditional four on four Survivor Series event upon us, Borga, along with WWF champ Yokozuna and tag team champions Jacques and Pierre of the Quebecers formed the Foreign Fanatics to take on the team of the All-Americans. That team originally comprised of Lex Luger, Rick and Scott Steiner, and Tatanka. However with Tatanka taken out, they found a suitable replacement in The Undertaker. On the Raw prior to this event, Lex Luger defeated Pierre with his metal plated forearm. This caused Pierre to be concussed and out of the fantatics team. However, they would find their replacement in the newly heel Crush, who has been embroiled in a heated feud with "Macho Man" Randy Savage.
The other storyline going into the Survivor Series involves the ongoing feud with the Hart family and Jerry "the King" Lawler. A family feud match was booked between the Harts and Lawler and his knights for the event. However, due to allegations of rape from a 15-year old girl, Lawler was removed from the event, and replaced with a returning Shawn Michaels. On the Superstars prior to the event, Shawn Michaels and Reo Rodgers (Or as I'll call him "Rusty Chodes"), Shawn went to "Calgary" to visit Stu and Helen.
Or in this case, some guy in an ugly old mask.
What's notable about this segment is that Shawn (claiming to be the undisputed Intercontinental champion due to never being beaten for it) brings up how much Stu and Helen adore bret, but Owen is often looked at as the forgettable brother on the WWF roster. It's as if that's going to play into the future of this product somehow. Hmm...
The event opens up with what feels like a video christmas card from Lex Luger and his family. "Here in AMERICA, Thanksgiving is a traditional family Holiday. Maybe single people and foreigners celebrate it, we don't know, nor do we care because AMERICA". It's a nice little segment overall, though considering that the family would be divorced years later does kind of make thins sting just a little bit. We're followed by some guy singing the Star Spangled Banner.
I guess Aaron Neville was busy.
On commentary for the evening tonight is Vince McMahon and Bobby Heenan. Still no Randy Savage due to the fight with Crush a couple weeks ago. The feathers are flying before turkey day. So many egos that can't fit in the Boston Garden, which should make for drama in these elimination matches.
Our first four on four elimination match is the team of IRS, Diesel (With new flashing goggles, so add that to the gimmick pile), Adam Bomb, and Rick "The Model" Martel taking on the team of 1-2-3 Kid, Marty Jannetty, Razor Ramon and originally Mr. Perfect , but due to issues with his nagging back injuries, he's going to be out for a while. Pre-match, it's the same old IRS promo saying that the tax cheats better hope the IRS isn't coming to their house to audit them. Razor tells us that Mr. Perfect has tagged out and there's going to be a replacement. That replacement is...
Randy Savage? Wouldn't this have made more sense for him to be in the All-Americans? Especially if they were replacing Pierre with Crush? Most likely this choice was made last minute, so I can't really chastise it that badly. At the very least, Vince and Bobby bring this up on commentary.
Opening the match will be Razor Ramon and Rick Martel. Arm wringer by Martel which is turned around by Razor. Both men reverse holds until Martel trips Razor. An elbow to the face by Martel, as Razor follows up with a slap. Razor reverses a whip, but Martel gets a cross body, which Razor turns into a cover for two. Fallaway slam by Razor onto Martel for only a two. Matel tries a boot, but gets caught into an atomic drop, followed by an inverted one. Clotheslines to Martel, who tags in Adam Bomb.
Lock up and a shove by Bomb to Razor. Razor breaks out of a headlock and sends Adam Bomb ro the ropes, but when he attempts a shoulder block, he lands on his ass. Loud chant for "Razor" from the energetic Boston crowd. More lock ups as Adam Bomb wins out on a test of strength, until Razor manages to fight back, only to get a boot to the midsection. The lock is kept in for a while, until Razor boots down Adam Bomb and flips him over. Cover for two, but Rick Martel comes in and accidentally elbows Adam Bomb. Martel then punches Whippleman, which causes Adam Bomb to lay a shot in on the Model. The whole team almost come to blows until IRS plays peacemaker.
1-2-3 Kid is tagged in during the argument. Shoulder block by Adam Bomb. He tries a back drop, which gets turned into an attempted sunset flip by the kid, however he gets grabbed by the throat and tossed hard onto the canvas with a choke bomb. Tag to Diesel who hits a forearm and a hiptoss. Gutwrench powerbomb and a big boot follow. He goes for a sidewalk slam, but the kid gets a headscissors and a tag to Savage. Macho Man gets an axe handle off the top rope, and then takes out the rest of the heel team. Macho Man sends Adam Bomb into Diesel. Body slam and a diving elbow on Diesel gets a really fast three and the first elimination of the match.
Martel gets in some shots, but gets turned around into a back body drop by Savage. Martel tags in IRS, who gets bombarded with "Irwin" chants. IRS rams Savage face first into the buckle, and tries a clothesling, but Savage turns it into a cross body for two. Tag to Razor who works on the shoulder by locking in an armbar. Headlock is shoved off by IRS, as Martel gets a knee to tbe back of Razor. Tag to Martel who gets an axe handle and a rib breaker.Elbows to the back and a tag to Adam Bomb. Irish whip and a rather weak elbow by Bomb. Tag back to Martel with another axe handle.
Tag to IRS who hits an elbow drop and a leg drop for a two. Headlock is locked in by IRS, but Savage distracts the ref by accident allowing Martel to slide in and take the hold. Irish whip gets a knee to the face of the model. Razor is unable to tag in as IRS gets back in. Razor gets a knee to the face of IRS and tags in Macho Man. Everything's going well, as Macho Man goes for the elbow...
That gives Crush is cue to come to ringside. Savage spots Crush and tries to brawl, but the face team stop him. He's still focused on Crush, but gets rolled up by IRS for the three. Savage is eliminated and Crush leaves, only for Savage to give chase. Marty Janetty comes in as the fresh man to lock in a headlock on a really sweaty IRS. He gets a big hiptoss and a dropkick for two. Tag to Martel who lays in some offense in the corner. Tag to Adam Bomb who gets a nice back suplex. Tag back to Martel who locks in an abdominal stretch with an assist by Adam Bomb.
Marty avoids an attack in the corner as Razor is tagged back in. IRS is tagged in as well and gets some punches and hard buckle whips for his troubles. Chokeslam to IRS, and a Razor's Edge follows up for the three. IRS is now eliminated making it three to two. Cheap shots by Martel, as all five men brawl. Razor goes for a Razor's edge, but gets hit with the briefcase by IRS while the referee is distracted.
He walks to the back with some blood trickling under his left eye. Razor is counted out, and eliminated. This leaves us with Martel and Bomb against Marty and the Kid. The Kid and Martel are in as the model gets some shots in the ropes. Leapfrog by the Kid, but Martel follows with a cartwheel. Leapfrog by Martel, but gets a hiptoss for his trouble. He wrings the arm of Martel, until a cheap shot and a tag to Bomb. The kid ducks a clothesline, and manages a dropkick to take Adam Bomb out of the ring.
A dive attempt by the kid is caught by Bomb who slams him hard on the floor. He brings the kid back in and gets his slingshot clothesline. He hits whips the kid hard into the buckle. A second attempt leads to a school boy by the kid for a one. Kick to the head by Kid who tries to tag in Marty. He gets caught as Martel is tagged back in, who hits a gutwrench suplex for two. Shot to the gut by Martel, who follows with an axe handle attempt. He gets hit in the gut by the kid who manages to tag in Janetty. Janetty gets in some fast offense, and rams Martel over and over into the buckle. Tag back to the Kid as they get in a double team. Roll up by the Kid for the elimination of Martel, and a quick tag and a roll up to Adam Bomb for the last elimination. The kid and Marty are the survivors.
This was a great way to open the show. Everybody worked great in the match, and it was full of great moments and spots. With the exceptions of a couple slow spots within, it always felt very back and forth. Then again most of the people in the match are some of the better workers in the company at this point in time, so it's hard to have really botched this up. It also helped continue storylines including Savage vs Crush, Razor vs IRS, and the surprisingly solid team of 1-2-3 Kid and Marty Jannetty.
Todd Pettingill is backstage with the "undisputed intercontinental champion" Shawn Michaels. Before we can even get much of HBK's comments on the upcoming Famile Feud match, we cut to footage from earlier in the night.
It's then Family Feud host Ray Combs interviewing the Hart Family. And all I can think of is it was nice of Bret, Owen, and Stu to invite some blind man and John Astin to the show... oh wait, that's Bruce and Keith? Oh dear. Bret is none too happy with the comments of Shawn Michaels about Bret's family. The whole.. week and a half worth of comments. Tonight the family's all here. They don't care about the knights, it's Shawn that they want. Owen says that there will never be a family feud like this one. Keith promises there'll be a massive hart attack in the ring tonight (Jeez dude, dark much?), and Bruce stands around looking imposing. He was really praying that this meant a contract for him.
Back to Shawn, who says that he has a score to settle for last year's Survivor Series. He has his hand picked knights (I guess Jerry's knights sucked). The Harts are going down where Stu and Helen ought to be, and he'll make Stu uglier than he ought to be.
Next up is the Family Feud match. Before we even get our entrants however, we have Ray Combs introducing the Hart family, all while Heenan gets in his digs. To advertise Family Feud and add levity to the segment, he brings up that he surveyed the crowd, but the crowd just mildly react to him (probably the 100 people surveyed) because honestly, this went a little too long.
For those unaware of Combs, he was the second host of Family Feud after the legendary Richard Dawson. The first when the show was revived in 1989 and served as host until February of 1994 when he was replaced by Dawson in hopes to save the show's decline in ratings. So literally three months and three days to the day of the Survivor Series, the decline of Combs' career began.
Later in that year he would be in a car accident, which would severely injure his spinal disc. A series of failed attempts at bouncing back from his removal from Family Feud didn't help him either. And on June 2nd 1996, Ray Combs committed suicide by hanging himself in a closet. So, because of how Combs' life ended on such a dark note, I'm really not going to critique too harshly on him here. At worst the opening went way too long and he tried with a crowd that wasn't too interested.
Shawn Michaels and his knights are out first. three big men in red, blue, and black/white outfits. The knights are Barry Horowitz in the red, Greg "the Hammer" Valentine in blue, and despite longtime rumors of it being Glenn Jacobs (Kane) in black, it's actually USWA wrestler Jeff Gaylord. The Harts come out to a great pop. I believe this is the first time we see Owen in the black and pink singlet look (gone is the checkerboards and baby blues). Bruce really looks like a guy wanting a job, and Keith just looks like Gomez "The Hitman" Addams. And finally is Stu, thankfully not in a singlet.
Ray Combs comes to ringside as the match opens with Owen and Shawn. A lot of jaw jacking and a quick tag in to Bruce. Healock by Shawn who tags in the Red Knight. Bruce ducks over both men and Shawn collides into the red knight. Shawn's back in as Bruce gets a chop. Shawn whips Bruce into the knights, but he manages to take them all out. Shawn collides into the Black Knight and gets hip tossed. Tag to Keith who works on the arm. A great line by Heenan "The other one's named Bruce? What a stupid name. You have nine months and you come up with Bruce."
Both men avoid each other's offense for a bit until Shawn tries a suplex, only to be rolled up for a two. Keith locks in the armbar. Michael gets a body slam and tags in the Red Knight.Some arm drags and a tag to Owen, who gets a poke in the eye in front of the referee, but comes back with some arm drags of his own. Heenan stirs the pot by calling Owen "The Shadow", always trailing behind Bret. Suffice is to say, I like this build to Owen's dissension from Bret. Dropkick by Owen as the Black Knight is tagged. The Harts all lay in shots as the blue knight gets tagged. Bret gets the tag in as the crowd chants Burger King, despite Lawler not even being involved anymore.
Atomic drops by Bret and a big clothesline for a two. Tag to Keith who locks in the arm. Bruce is in and continues that arm lock. Shawn gets a cheap knee to Bruce as the Blue Knight get a body slam. Tag to Shawn who drops a rib breaker and some elbows. Heenan is on fire yelling at Stu to wake up. Tag to the Red Knight who gets a nice double underhook suplex for two on multiple cover attempts. Tag to the Black Knight who lays in clubbing blows, but Bruce gets in a back slide for two. Tag back to Shawn who stomps on Bruce for a bit, sending him outside.
Bruce manages to get in a clothesline to Shawn, and falls into a tag to Bret while the Black Knight is tagged in. Bret goes for a roll up, and gets two. Another small package gets a two as well. He follows up with a back breaker and his patented elbow. Shawn gets a boot to the head before Bret can cover. Tag to Owen who gets a kick to the Knight before the Harts go to Brawl. Well, it takes Bruce a minute to get in. The whip the knights and Shawn into each other, and Owen gets a dropkick on the Black Knight for the three and an elimination.
Owen works on the leg of the Red Knight. Tag to Bret as both men get a double wishbone in. Tag to Keith who works some more on the leg, specifcally jumping crotch first into it. Tag to Bruce, who shoves down the knight as Bret is tagged in to do the wishbone spot again. Tag to Keith who gets knocked into the buckle. Red Knight misses a knee drop, and ges locked into a figure four, until Shawn attacks him. Blue Knight tagged in as he gets some shots in to Keith as the some of crowd continue to get disinterested. And this match is barely halfway done. Woof.
Tag to Shawn who works on Keith's arm. Tag to the Black Knight who does more of the same. Hard catapult to the throat of Keith as the Red Knight tags in the Blue. More work on the arm as this match has honestly gotten dead. Shawn misses a splash off the turnbuckle as Bret gets tagged in. Red Knight is in, who gets caught into the sharpshooter. That's it for the Red Knight with two members of Shawn's team remaining.
Im
Immediate attack by the Blue Knight as Bret is sent to the outside for more padding that this match really doesn't need. Shawn gets an axe handle off the apron to Bret and the Blue Knight hits a suplex for two. Tag to Shawn while Stu rubs the arm of Keith. Jumping elbow by Shawn only gets a two count. Headlock by Shawn as the crowd tries to wake Bret up, since right now he's one of like two people on the face team the crowd actually cares about.
Bret tries to recover, but Shawn gets in a cheap shot. Tag to the Blue Knight who is still unable to pin Bret. Heenan with some more great digs at Helen: "Her face looks like it could hold an eight day rain with all those wrinkles". Bret gets a clothesline off the second rope and tags in Owen. Nice dropkick and some punches in the corner to the Black Knight. He follows up with a body slam and an elbow. He fights off Shawn as Bruce and Owen work down both men. Shawn slides under Owen and goes to Stu, who lays in a shot of his own. Owen follows it up with a plancha over the top rope.
Both Shawn and the Blue Knight are in the ring as Owen goes for a cross body. Shawn ducks as Owen lands nicely on the Blue Knight. Cover, which Shawn tries to break, only to elbow his own partner. Bruce and Owen take out Shawn, and Owen gets a bulldog and a sharpshooter to get rid of the last knight, leaving Shawn Michaels on his own. Shawn tries to escape, but Bret throws him right back in. He begs off the offense of Owen, but gets an atomic drop and some offense from the Harts. Tag to Bruce who drops the knee, and simultaneously drops the crowd's interest. Shawn gets an elbow to the face and locks in a choke hold to Bruce.
Superkick to the face of Bruce, but this is still just a set up move so it gets a two. Another Heenan classic in reference to the bruin on the back of Stu's jacket "Oh, he has a picture of Helen on his back, how nice." Bobby Heenan is frigging ruthless tonight. Tagto Bret, who gets an atomic drop and a hard whip into the rope. He goes for a catapult into the buckle and hits an elbow for two. Side Russian leg sweep for another two. Shawn gets a rake to the eye, but Bret does get a tag to Owen who hits a wickedly massive belly to belly for a two. Owen goes for an irish whp, but Shawn reverses it, causing Owen to knock Bret into the guard rail. Shawn then rolls up Owen for the three, eliminating Owen from the match.
Owen is pissed as the rest of the Harts attend to Bret. See all that nice foreshadowing? Owen even just leaves in a huff wondering why no one cares about his plight. Clothesline by Bruce who covers for two. Jawbreaker and a sleeper by Bruce, who gets rammed into the corner. Bret gets back up to the apron as both men collide with each other. Tag back to Keith as the crowd chants "Gomez". Shawn breaks out of an abdominal stretch. Tag ot Bret who whips Shawn hard into the buckle a couple times and crotches Shawn on the rope. Bret sets up the sharpshooter, but Shawn runs off, so this match is going to just end. Boy, what a way to end this. 31 minutes and that's your ending.
This match was way too long, and just didn't work. Shawn tried, Bret tried, and for Owen's first real chance on Pay Per View to show his stuff, he worked his ass off and it showed. The storyline involving Owen's frustration over being overshadowed is being masterfully handled, and Bobby Heenan was just vicious throughout the match with his scathing commentary on the Harts. I dare say he was even better than Jerry Lawler at just how brutal he was.
But even he couldn't save a match that had too many boring parts, general disinterest over the other Hart brothers and the knights, and a match that just never felt like it was going to end, and when it did end it ended in the flattest way possible. And also, this would have worked so much better if Jerry Lawler was still involved, and not Shawn Michaels as a replacement. So yeah, I didn't like this one much.
Post-match, the Harts celebrate until Owen comes back in and argues with Bret. Bret tries to calm him down, but he's not too happy with being the only one to lose. He starts to shove off his family. The crowd even boos Owen's arrogant actions as Stu tries to calm his tantrum down. Bret and the others walk off to as Owen continues his meltdown. Todd Pettingill tries to get an interview, but Owen shoves him off as well.
Vince and Bobby switch places with Gorilla Monsoon and Jim Ross (doing Radio WWF) for the upcoming match between the Heavenly Bodies and the Rock 'N' Roll Express. However, Heenan pisses off Monsoon who threatens to deck the weasel, but doesn't. We also get an ad for Wrestlemania X on March 20th, 1994. Wow, I've been doing these for eight months, and I'm shocked that I'm almost already near my second Wrestlemania review.
Up next it's the only title match on the show, and it's not even a WWF title. It's the Smokey Mountain Wrestling tag title match with the champions the Rock 'N' Roll Express taking on the Heavenly Bodies. Jim Cornette is on the mic to introduce the Bodies, which is always a good thing. The Express come to the ring with music that clearly had to be dubbed over. The Bodies get in a cheap shot and send Ricky and Robert out of the ring before they can even get their jackets off.
Morton manages to sling the Bodies over the rope and lands a suicide dive. Both men finally manage to get their jackets off, as Cornette is already frustrate. It is interesting to hear Jim Ross actually focus on the wrestling in-ring where Vince doesn't know one maneuver from another. Some offense by Gibson as he hits a nice headscissors. Tag to Ricky Morton as both men get a double elbow on Jimmy Del Rey. Tag to Tom Pritchard who works some rights in the corner. Gibson slightly botches a leapfrog, but not too bad that it's a complete disaster. Some hiptosses on both men, who get so confused that Del Rey superkicks Pritchard by mistake.
The Express hit double monkey flips and double atomic drops, all while the crowd seems to be sitting on their hands for the most part. A shame as both teams are trying their hardest here. A neat rowboat wishbone spot on both men. Tag to Gibson who works on the leg of Pritchard. Tag to Morton who takes out Del Rey and continues the leg offense. Both of the Express keep Del Rey off the apron and hit another wishbone spot. Tag to Morton and a tag to Del Rey who whips Morton into the corner, but Gibson makes the save. Pritchard tries a save, but it fails.
Double headbutt on the Bodies by the Express as Cornette is getting more pissed. Tag to Pritchard who lands a nice sitout powerbomb as the crowd starts to sound apathetic. Tag to Del Rey who gets back dropped into Morton for a two. Nice elbow to the face, and some of that sweet gyration sensation from the gigolo. Tag to Pritchard who throws Morton through the ropes. Cornette grabs Morton...
As Jimmy Del Rey hits a nice springboard moonsault to the outside. Once again I'm really impressed at the high flying styles of a worker like Jimmy Del Rey.
Cover by Pritchard for a two. He takes Morton back into the corner as both men lay in fists. Morton gets reversed on a whip and powerslammed for a two. Tag to Del Rey who hits a crisp suplex and some knees to the face. He knocks Gibson off the apron and both men hit a sidewalk slam and clothesline. Prichard is back in and hits a great vertical suplex. Tag to Del Rey who gets a nice leg drop off the top for a two. He sets up a powerbomb, but Morton turns it into a frankensteiner for two.
Tag back to Pritchard, but gets rolled up for two as the crowd chants "boring", which is a lie.
Moonsault to Morton for two. The bodies try a double team, but get DDTed by Morton. Tag to Gibson who hits a nice backdrop and an enziguri to the Bodies. All four men back in as Morton tries a cover but gets thrown over the rope. Double dropkick by the Express for a two. Morton punches Cornette. The referee is distracted by Morton as Cornette throws Del Rey his tennis racket. Del Rey hits Gibson with the racket and Gibson is pinned for the three. The Heavenly Bodies are the new Smokey Mountain Wrestling tag team champions.
I thought this match was great, though mostly through the MVP of the match Jimmy Del Rey, who really tried his hardest, and put in a hell of an effort. I also liked hearing Jim Ross actually call the wrestling action in ring. The problem however is that the crowd didn't care, and while it was good in ring, it's a match with four guys the crowd really doesn't know much of and for title belts that don't even belong to the WWF. While it's great exposure for SMW, it's really just a time killer for loyal WWF fans who would rather see their more established names right now. I will scold the Boston crowd for calling it boring, but on the other hand I can at least get their apathy.
Up next is the Four Doinks vs Bam Bam Bigelow, Bastion Booger, and the Headshrinkers. We go to Todd Pettingill who is with the heel team as Booger, Afa, and the Shrinkers are just taring up and chewing up a turkey. Bam Bam says he has the best tag team, and it doesn't matter if there's a hundred Doinks, he's going to ge the job done. So who are the four Doinks? Well... none of them are actually Doink...
But Men on a Mission and oh god... the Bushwhackers. Hold on tight people, we're entering hell.
Crowd is pretty pissed off already with loud chants of "we want Doink", realizing they aren't getting the actual clown. Yeah, you can slap clown paint on a duck, but it's still a duck. You can put a wig on the Bushwhackers and you're in for pain. A lot of padding early on while the crowd is still angry. Bastion Booger and Luke start as Booger gets a splash in. Luke bites the ass of booger. Tag to Samu who stomps, headbutts, and stalls around. He bites balloons from the "Doinks", but one is filled with water that distracts him so mightily that it causes him to be pinned for three. Really?
Fatu is in (or Samu as Vince thinks). Nice suplex from Fatu and a headbutt. Booger back in as he hits a leg drop. The crowd is still booing and chanting for the actual Doink. Tag to Bam Bam who lays in more clubbing blows and a choke in the ropes. Booger back in as he lands a body slam. He drops his weight on Luke, but doesn't stay on him. Instead he goes to the corner to eat a banana. This match can really go screw off right now.
Booger, banana in mouth, goes to squash Luke again, but Mabel drags Luke to safety causing the Booger Man to crash and burn. Battering ram by the Bushwhackers and a leg drop by Mabel who covers Booger for two because sure, okay, let's get this damn match over with fast. Fatu offers Luke some turkey and hits a cheap shot. He even hits him with the turkey hide.
Then Mo rides a scooter in the ring. I hate this match.
Bam Bam dropkicks Mo and throws the scooter out of the ring. Sidewalk slam to Mo who I guess is legal now? Splash by Fatu, who covers Mo... then gets distracted by a god damn banana peel. Butch teases splashing water on Fatu, who slips on said banana peel and gets eliminated. You know, ol' Rikishi may be remembered for the stinkface and the horribly thought out Austin hit and run, but I can say without question, without hyperbole, that slipping on a banana peel and being pinned is the worst thing that's ever befallen him in a WWF ring.
Bam Bam brawls with the Bushwhackers and Mo. He hits a clothesline and tosses out Mo. The ring is covered in water and banana mush. Mabel is in now and confronts Bam Bam. Shoulder block attemps by Bam Bam fail, but Mabel's hits well. Bam Bam sidesteps a splash in the corner and manages to take him down. Slam to Luke as Butch throws something at Luna. Double splash by Men on a Mission and a splash as all the Doinks cover Bam Bam for the three. The actual Doink (which must be Ray Apollo at this point) mocks Bam Bam from the video tron.
This match SUUUUUUUUUUCKED. I get it, it was intended to be a comedy match. But it was bad comedy. You have great wrestlers like the Headshrinkers and Bam Bam Bigelow looking like complete geeks, jobbing to water balloons and banana peels. Everything felt awkward and out of place. And the fact that they couldn't even involve the actual Doink just feels like it ripped the fans off who actually wanted to see him. Not just four doofuses in clown masks. I will say the saving grace was that it was short, but that still doesn't forgive it for actually existing.
Todd Pettingill is with the Foreign Fanatics. Some money lines from Cornette suggesting that Todd got all his big words from Funk and Wagnalls. They see the All American team like one one man that thinks as one. How do you take out a man? By heart, mind and soul. The Steiners are the heart, but one blow to the heart can be devastating. The mind is the Undertaker, but if you take the mind away, a man is confused. Luger is the soul, the American Dream. But when you capture a man's soul, you've defeated him once and for all.
It's main event time. The Foreign Fanatics (Yokozuna, Jacques, Ludvig Borga and Crush) vs The All-Americans (The Steiner Brothers, Lex Luger and the Undertaker). They seem to botch Crush's silent entrance by starting Yokozuna's music early. Heenan also brings up that with Crush still in the building, we may see more of Randy Savage by night's end.
A brief staredown between Taker and Yokozuna (darn near kissing close) before both sides are pulled back. Opening action is Scott Steiner and Jacques. Jacques tries a handshake, but Scott gives him a near flip off. Scott leapfrogs Jacques and hits a nice belly to belly suplex for two. Tag to Rick Steiner who circles Jacques until Jacques manages a tag on Yokozuna. Loud "USA" chants rain on the heel team. Yoko takes his rage out by hitting blows on Rick.
Rick tries clotheslines and shoulder blocks, and manages to knock Yoko through the ropes. Tag to Borga who gets some punches to the ribs and throws out Rick Steiner. Rick goes for a tackle off the top rope for barely a one count. Nice scoop slam by Borga but he misses the elbow drop. Rick goes for a second tackle, but gets caught into a rather ugly slam by Borga which gets the three count and the first elimination. It also appears that Rick Steiner may have suffered some sort of groin pull on the bad landing.
Scott and Jacques aer next in as Scott gets a nice gorilla press. He tosses him into Crush, who catches Jacques and comes in. Some hard rights by Crush take down Scott. Scott ducks a clothesline and hits a double underhook slam. Randy Savage has apparently been spotted in the building. Vince probably shouldn't mention that on-air since it would be a great surprised. Crush leapfrogs Scott and hits a nice kick to the face.
Speaking of Savage, he tries to get to ringside to get his hands on Crush, but is heald back by officials and Bart gunn for some reason. Crush tosses Steiner out of the ring. Macho Man is dragged back up the entrance way as Crush gets Scott back in the ring. More kicks to the gut and one to the back of the neck followed by a big leg drop. USA chants directed to Crush, despite, you know, being Hawaiian. There's a weird camera angle through the legs of the Undertaker. Very unique.
Randy Savage is back, and is still being held off by the officials. Crush is distracted and dropkicked out by Scott. Crush is like "screw it" and goes to attack Savage. Both men brawl up the entrance way, and due to this, Crush is counted out and eliminated. Both Yoko and Borga beat on Scott in the ring as Crush finally gets the news of his elimination. It's now three on three for both teams.
Nice jumping elbow by Jacques to Scott for a two. He follows with a piledriver that only gets a two. Heenan notes the piledriver won't work because there's nothing in the head of Steiner to hurt. Scott lands a nice press slam. Scott tags in Luger who hits a body slam and an elbow off the second rope for the elimination of Jacques. Luger fixes his pants as Borga gets in. Scott wants in as Borga wants Luger in instead.
Borga whips Steiner to the buckle and hits a nice cross body. Big clothesline by Borga who then ascends the buckle. Steiner stops him and manages to hit a big superplex, but is unable to get a three as Yokozuna makes the save. Yoko comes in and tries for an elbow on Steiner but misses. Steiner tries a frankensteiner, but gets hit with a leg drop for a three, taking it back to two versus two.
It's Luger and Yokozuna in now as both men slap each other. Yoko takes Luger down and hits some hard strikes as Borga waves the Japanese flag. Yoko tries a splash, but misses. Rights by Luger, but his forearms are unable to take the champion down, but Yoko knocks Luger down quick. Tag to Borga who gets some hard rights to the ribs of Luger. Another great zinger from Heenan on Undertaker not being in yet: "He may have died on that apron! well he's dead anyway, I don't know." also "Undertaker's going to start a new basketball team for people six feet and under."
Yokozuna is back in and gets a hard slap to the face of Luger and a headbutt. Whip to the buckle by Yoko, but he misses the splash in the corner. Luger finally manages to tag in Undertaker, who gets in some strikes and a huge DDT on the champion. Taker takes down Borga, but gets caught into a belly to belly suplex. But Undertaker sits right up, only to get clotheslined. He tries to sit up, but gets instantly leg dropped. Yoko drags Taker to the corner for the banzai drop, and lands it. He goes for a second, but misses as Taker sits up in time.
Big jumping clothesline sends Yoko rolling to the outside. They brawl by the steps, and referee Earl Hebner, not even bothering with a full ten count, just counts out both men. That leaves Luger and Borga left in this match. Leg drop by Borga only gets a two. Borga follows up with a sidewalk slam for two. He follows that up with a vertical suplex for another two. A powerslam also fails for a three. Double clotheslines get only a two. Luger manages to blocks a suplex and hit one of his own. Both men end up clotheslining each other.
Cornette distracts the referee as Fuji hands Borga the salt bucket. He smacks Luger with it but takes like ten seconds to try a cover, which Luger kicks out of. Luger no sells offense and hits some fists and a right to the gut. DDT connects to Borga followed by a hard elbow for two. He follows with a powerslam for two. Borga goes for an irish whip, but Luger jumps and hits Borga with the loaded forearm for the three and the win. Lex Luger is the sole survivor of Survivor Series.
And then Santa Claus shows up because Thanksgiving's done in the WWF's eyes, so why not? We end with Jolly Old Saint Nick raising the arm of Luger.
This was an okay main event. Really not as bad as I had been led to believe by other reviews. It continued storylines that will go into the next month, and everyone worked pretty well in it, even Luger. I still don't buy Luger as the face of the company, but he is putting in an effort, at least in these few matches. It was long, about a minute shy of the Family Feud match, but where that one felt dull and poorly booked, this one at least always felt like stuff was happening. Though some of the eliminations did feel really quick, Overall, for a main event for a show like this, it's a solid one.
And that's Survivor Series 1993. It wasn't a very good show. The highlights were a solid opener, a great (albeit poorly placed) SMW tag title match, and a serviceable main event. And of course some amazing lines from Bobby Heenan throughout the night. What bogged this down was a really boring Family Feud match that suffered from rushed, last minute booking snafus. Speaking off horrible booking decisions, the four Doinks match was god awful comedy that didn't work, and ripped off the fans who wanted to see the actual Doink the Clown, not a bunch of goobers in clown masks.
The problem I think I really have with this show is that it lacked variety in its booking. All the face teams won their elimination tag matches, the lack of any WWF title matches killed any drama to be found for the show, the length of some of the matches were a tad unbearable, and could have been shortened to add some variety in between the card. I think that's my big problem with most early Survivor Series in general, especially this show. This was a card that wasn't Wrestlemania IX bad, but not as easy to sit through like a Summerslam '93 or a Royal Rumble '93. So the final rating for this show is a C-. Not really a show that you need to come back to. Just find a video of all of Bobby Heenan's great puns,and you're good to go.
So with that chapter done, we head into the latter Raws of 1993, and begin the road to the 1994 Royal Rumble. What's in store for us? We'll soon see.