Gooseblog: Ranking All 62 Original Goosebumps Books

Well, we've made it. All sixty two of the original Goosebumps books have been reviewed for this blog. It was quite a taxing pair of marathons, but at the very least the deed was done. And despite some rocky roads here and there, it was a fun ride while it lasted. But before I can give my true final thoughts on the classic Goosebumps books, I think it's only fair to rank all of them from least favorite to favorite based on the letter grades I gave throughout. As usual, my the ratings are all subjective, and if you feel otherwise, there's no hard feelings. This is simply ranking what books had the best and worst experiences for me. I'll give quick blurbs about the books as to why they're in the place they are. In total the list of letter grades went as follows:

A+: 3 Books

A: 7 Books

A-: 9 Books

B+: 3 Books

B: 5 Books

B-: 4 Books

C+: 6 Books

C: 6 Books

C-: 10 Books

D: 5 Books

F: 4 Books.

So let the ranking begin!

#62. MONSTER BLOOD IV (62)

OPINION: Lazy cash grab of a Goosebumps book that feels like it throws in Monster Blood characters to justify it as a sequel. Unfortunate choice for the last of the series.

#61: MONSTER BLOOD III (29)

OPINION: The laziest rehash book of them all bar none. Annoying first half with Kermit and a rehash of Giant Evan from Monster Blood II in the second half.

#60: CHICKEN CHICKEN (53)

OPINION: Misguided moral book on politeness where the punishment doesn't fit the crime. Tons of body horror, but every other character is too blind to react to it.

#59: MONSTER BLOOD II (18)

OPINION: Starts the slippery slope of quality the rest of the Monster Blood series has. Ignores the origins of monster blood and no longer treats the substance as a threat, but a lazy revenge tool.

#58: SAY CHEESE AND DIE - AGAIN! (44)

OPINION: Uninspired sequel that leads into some really cruel fat shaming in the middle of the book. 

#57: THE BARKING GHOST (32)

OPINION: Stine gets bored of his ghost dog story mid-book and just turns it into a generic body swap plot.

#56: REVENGE OF THE LAWN GNOMES (34)

OPINION: Feels like a lazy rehash of the Living Dummy books only with lawn gnomes, so it's totally different!

#55: THE BLOB THAT ATE EVERYONE (55)

OPINION: Interesting concept on the power of imagination that never really feels like it ever gets started, let alone gets to an interesting conclusion.

#54: THE CURSE OF THE MUMMY'S TOMB (5)

OPINION: Dull pyramid adventure that lacks much mummy action until the very end. 

#53: MY BEST FRIEND IS INVISIBLE (57)

OPINION: The end twist is nonsensical, hurting what is otherwise an okay at best story involving an annoying invisible kid.

#52: DEEP TROUBLE (19)

OPINION: Bait and switch cover doesn't reveal that this book is about a mermaid and the evils of greed. A dull read. 

#51: YOU CAN'T SCARE ME! (15)

OPINION: Courtney is too perfect, and the other characters are too unlikable. Shame since the concept could have worked as a slice of life story.

#50: BAD HARE DAY (41)

OPINION: A mostly boring book about magic. Cool scene with Amaz-O's act at least.

#49: THE WEREWOLF OF FEVER SWAMP (14)

OPINION: Great visuals of the swamp, but the werewolf stuff seems really rushed.

#48: NIGHT OF THE LIVING DUMMY II (31)

OPINION: An abridged redo of the original book, but with Slappy as the actual focus.

#47: THE GIRL WHO CRIED MONSTER (8)

OPINION: #JusticeForMortman

#46: GHOST BEACH (22)

OPINION: Too many Sadlers. Slow starting book eventually builds to a decent at best mystery.

#45: MONSTER BLOOD (3)

OPINION: Annoying protagonist bogs down an otherwise decent take on The Blob. Shame that Stine ignores the events of this book for the later installments.

#44: THE BEAST FROM THE EAST (43)

OPINION: Boggling monster tag story can annoy with all of its infuriating rules, but the visuals given are wild and imaginative.

#43: THE ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN OF PASADENA (38)

OPINION: Stine should have just made the story about magic snowballs if he had no interest in making the abominable snowman matter much.

#42: DON'T GO TO SLEEP! (54)

OPINION: Unique dream sequences, but a rather forgettable story all around.

#41: GO EAT WORMS! (21)

OPINION: The most unlikable protagonist of the series takes us through his psychotic obsession with worms. Also, there is no actual eating of worms in this book.

#40: NIGHT OF THE LIVING DUMMY III (40)

OPINION: Slightly more inspired than Dummy II, but more of the same.

#39: BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR... (12)

OPINION: Almost too unfair to a character who doesn't deserve it. Wishes also seem a bit dry.

#38: NIGHT OF THE LIVING DUMMY (7)

OPINION: Strongest of the three books, but still kind of bland and basic. Does set the general blueprint of the dummy books very well at the least. 

#37: EGG MONSTERS FROM MARS (42)

OPINION: General creepiness of the mad scientist and the rape implications of the egg blanket make this one creepy for all the wrong reasons.

#36: BEWARE, THE SNOWMAN (51)

OPINION: A decent mystery and a solid chain of multi-twists. Could have gone without Jaclyn laughing at local traditions.

#35: RETURN OF THE MUMMY (23)

OPINION: A much more intriguing tale than the original, but still kind of boring throughout. At least we get more mummy time.

#34: THE CURSE OF CAMP COLD LAKE (56)

OPINION: Protagonist is whiny, but everyone else in camp, even dead Della, is just as bad.

#33: ATTACK OF THE MUTANT (25)

OPINION: Stine takes fun jabs at the comic industry, but doesn't offer a super exciting take on the superhero genre himself. Not enough Masked Mutant until the very end of the book.

#32: SAY CHEESE AND DIE! (4)

OPINION: A mystery that reveals itself way too early. As in as early as the second photo taken. Once that happens, using the camera any other time seems foolish.

#31: THE SCARECROW WALKS AT MIDNIGHT (20)

OPINION: Reveals the source of the scarecrow's power way too early. Good creepy nightmare sequence within though.

#30: WHY I'M AFRAID OF BEES (17)

OPINION: One of Stine's most bizarre books. Massive asspulls within, but still provides an oddly endearing adventure.

#29: LEGEND OF THE LOST LEGEND (47)

OPINION: A bit too random in its writing, but characters are decent and the adventure is intriguing.

#28: DEEP TROUBLE II (58)

OPINION: Works much better than the original with better action scenes. Twist is too similar to other Goosebumps books.

#27: MY HAIRIEST ADVENTURE (26)

OPINION: Stine's weird puberty allegory leads to one of the most memorable twists in the series. 

#26: VAMPIRE BREATH (49)

OPINION: Great gothic imagery in the vampire castle and the adventure within is solid. 

#25: THE GHOST NEXT DOOR (10)

OPINION: The mid-book twist is amazing, albeit requires some ass pulling. The Shadow Danny does feel pointless.

#24: LET'S GET INVISIBLE! (6)

OPINION: A book that works less as a wacky invisibility adventure and more as an allegory about drugs, addiction and peer pressure.

#23: ONE DAY AT HORRORLAND (16)

OPINION: Great set pieces and the parents actually are involved in the story. Could have removed some stuff (Clay) and could have felt a little less disjointed.

#22: WELCOME TO DEAD HOUSE (1)

OPINION: Creepy imagery with the face melting stands out. Too bad it takes a while to build up to that with how slow the first half of the book is.

#21: ATTACK OF THE JACK-O'-LANTERNS (48)

OPINION: Way too much focus on exposition mildly wounds what is still a solid Halloween horror story in its second half.

#20: THE HORROR AT CAMP JELLYJAM (33)

OPINION: Solid mystery story, but leaves you wondering about the hypnosis and how King Jellyjam stayed alive this entire time. 

#19: HOW I GOT MY SHRUNKEN HEAD (39)

OPINION: Despite a villain turn you could see coming a mile away, the jungle adventure leads to some great set pieces.

#18: CALLING ALL CREEPS! (50)

OPINION: Shave away the wacky lizard alien plot, and you have something that feels a lot darker than Stine intended. Something that could only exist before school shootings became a sickening norm.

#17: A NIGHT IN TERROR TOWER (27)

OPINION: Great visuals within the tower and some excellent suspense keeps this one moving throughout. Genuinely hilarious scene with the woman selling out Sue to the high executioner. 

#16:  THE CUCKOO CLOCK OF DOOM (28)

OPINION: Solid time travel story that ends with a twist that could be the most darkly satisfying twist of all 62 books. 

#15:  GHOST CAMP (45)

OPINION: Take away the stuff with the monster and you have a well written ghost tale and a great camp tale rolled into one. 

#14: HOW I LEARNED TO FLY (52)

OPINION: Amazing shift from the wacky scares of most Goosebumps books, where the true monsters are parents looking to leech off their more successful children.

#13: HOW TO KILL A MONSTER (46)

OPINION: A well paced survival story throughout, but wins for the twist of the grandparents just leaving the kids to fend for themselves against a monster they locked up.

#12: PIANO LESSONS CAN BE MURDER (13)

OPINION: A book that has it all. Ghosts, robots, and even serial killers. If only the book didn't feel like it rushes everything by the end and this would have been perfection. 

#11: STAY OUT OF THE BASEMENT (2)

OPINION: A rare occasion where the mad science concept works within Goosebumps. Add in a possible allegory to closeted homosexuality and you have a book that makes you think. Plus ax murder.

#10: THE HEADLESS GHOST (37)

OPINION: While not the strongest mystery, it works mostly due to all the ghost stories told within. The dumbwaiter one being the most creepy.

#9: WEREWOLF SKIN (60)

OPINION: A werewolf story that mixes old lore with Stine's own spin. Some genuinely gory scenes involving animal mutilation, a well thought out misdirect, and a really dark ending sells this late-series title. 

#8: THE HAUNTED MASK II (36)

OPINION: The best sequel of the original 62 that follows some similar beats to its original while still doing concepts that make it stand out as scary for so many unique reasons. Behold, the ravages of age!

#7: THE HAUNTED SCHOOL (59)

OPINION: Well thought out mystery from Stine with an excellent misdirect. Grayworld offers some of the creepiest visuals of any Goosebumps book. 

#6: PHANTOM OF THE AUDITORIUM (24)

OPINION: A great mystery mixed with some fun characters and some actual attention to concepts Stine introduced in other books. 

#5: IT CAME FROM BENEATH THE SINK! (30)

OPINION: The most violent Goosebumps book bar none. Broken hands, ladder falling and hands being sliced open by scissors to name a few examples. Also has a good excuse as to why the protagonist doesn't just get rid of the cursed item that causes all of this peril.

#4: A SHOCKER ON SHOCK STREET (35)

OPINION: A ride book that works better than Horrorland in every way. Some genuinely creepy set pieces, and one of the best twists that catches you completely by surprise. 

#3: THE HAUNTED MASK (11)

OPINION: A wonderful Halloween story with one of the series' best and most enduring protagonists. Perfect moral book that teaches kids the values of not letting yourself be worse than those you perceive as monsters. 

#2: WELCOME TO CAMP NIGHTMARE (9)

OPINION: The book that has everything. A likable and resourceful protagonist, a mystery that ramps up as it goes along. Some genuinely frightening and intense moments, and a twist so bizarre that it serves as the finest example of why Goosebumps was such a success. 

#1: I LIVE IN YOUR BASEMENT! (61)

OPINION: Goosebumps tries its hand at psychological horror and knocks it out of the park with some of the most bizarre and frightening imagery in the entire 62. You never know how insane Marco's world is going to become at any moment and it all ramps up greatly. I'll even excuse the rushed ending, that's how much I enjoyed this book. An underrated gem and my choice for the best Goosebumps book of the original 62. 

So, my final thoughts on the original 62. Do they hold up, or are they just another piece of nineties ephemera that's given too much love? As someone who never read these when they initially were released, I actually had to say that for the most part I really found myself enjoying the books more than I thought. Granted the fact that I was reading them through an adult's eyes and therefore more able to see the glaring flaws in Stine's work, but I found that most of these books hold up quite well. And while I may not have been wowed by the dummy books or even the Monster Blood series, I can understand why these concepts could excite a kid, and how they can look past the flaws of the stories if they can still do what I think Stine does best with Goosebumps. And that's help build their imaginations to ideas like monsters and mad science.

Goosebumps isn't Stephen King. It's not Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark even. It's easy pulp meant more for entertainment than deep horror. And I think that's how it was always meant to be looked as. And I think that's why it holds up. They're fun books for kids with amazing cover artwork and simple stories within. There's better horror yes, but Stine still offered fun and memorable stories and adventures. I do regret being that kid who was scared of Goosebumps and horror in general. If I had shed my pointless fears, I think I would have been someone who could have appreciated this far more as a youngster than as an adult with a cynical mindset going into it. They weren't all perfect, but I enjoyed far more books than I did outright dislike, so I'd say I more than appreciate what Stine had in mind.

Now, of course, this isn't where the story ended for Goosebumps. There were plenty more books to come. But for now, this is where the Gooseblog ends. I'll talk about the other series in the Goosebumps line another time, but after two and a half months of talking about Goosebumps, I think I need a nice long break. But until I get around to continuing, I thank you for checking my work out, I hope you enjoyed, and reader beware!