The plant man knows that the plants will grow. The plant man knows that the plants will grow. The plant man knows that the plants will grow. The plant man knows that the plants will grow. The plant man knows that the plants will grow. The plant man knows that the plants will grow. The plant man... Ahem, it's the second book in the series on this edition of the Gooseblog. It's Stay Out Of The Basement AKA The Closet Would Be Too Obvious.
COVER STORY
STORY
Our protagonists this time are Casey and Margaret Brewer. Their family has undergone some unfortunate changes. Not just in that they've moved to California, I mean. Their father has been working at home for the past four weeks after being fired from his botanist job at PolyTech. You'd think, "oh, scientist that works at home, we must be getting some Rick Moranis type antics" but nope. Michael Brewer has been acting far more quiet and stern, not the fun loving father the kids remember. Margaret even laments that he doesn't call her Princess anymore, despite that being a name she hates. They try to go down to the basement to see what he's been up to, but he quickly yells at them from below to *Title Drop*. Even mom's getting tired of dad acting way too wooden, and coincidentally leaves the kid with him while she visits her sick sister in Tucson. I get what you're really saying mom. Dad's been kind of a wilting flower in bed lately. You need to get out there and see that there are better cucumbers in the garden.
So, despite the warning of *Title Drop*, Casey, Margaret, and their annoying friend Diane go down into said basement. It's warm and swamp like with plants that seem to be breathing, and a pair of glass pods that totally doesn't seem like something out of The Fly. After being spooked (both from your stock "gotcha" scare from Casey, and actual creepy plants), the three escape the basement in time. But oh convenient fate! Casey took his shirt off downstairs and they have to get it back, just as Dr. Brewer makes it back from driving their mom to the airport. He grabs the shirt, but the plants grab him by the legs. Before this gets creepy for all the wrong reasons, Margaret rescues Casey, only for them to be caught by Dr. Brewer. He doesn't snap at them, and still acts extremely vague about what the deal is with the plants in the basement. Certainly has nothing to do with a plant man. Not at all. The very idea!
Things get even more ominous as the days go by. Margaret catches her dad bent over the sink, voraciously eating out of a bag. After he leaves, she discovers, to her horror, that it's a bag of plant food. They don't confront him about it, or even the fact that he's wearing a Dodgers hat. But after an arrant "flying disc" accident, the hat gets knocked off, revealing that his hair has been replaced by bright green leaves. It's here where dear old dad starts to reveal what he's been doing down in the basement. He's been doing nothing special, just trying to play god! He's been mixing DNA with plants in hopes to create a plant that's part animal. He leaves them with that cliffhanger and returns to work. Later that night, Margaret again stalks her dad and notices him cleaning a wound on his hand. A wound that is leaking what appears to be bright green blood. And for one more little "Obvious plant man" piece to the puzzle, she soon learns that their parents bed has been covered in dirt, with earthworms crawling all over. I've heard of being a son of the soil, but this is ridiculous!
Casey and Margaret are both convinced at this point, but can't muster up the strength to tell their father how they feel about his overwhelming case of dendrophilia. But Dr. Brewer calls them in for lunch. He plops upon them weird green goop and tells them to devour it all. But before they end up ingesting it, Dr. Brewer's old boss Mr. Martinez shows up to check on how his experiments are doing. So the two head into the basement. Casey and Margaret are tired of being jerked around and want answers, and the only way to do so is to, of course, return to the basement. They go inside only to find Mr. Martinez's jacket and tie. They end up caught by Dr. Brewer again, but he says that Mr. Martinez just forgot them. And despite all that's happened so far, they just believe him. I mean, Jovial Bob's gotta pad this out somehow.
They go down to the basement AGAIN to get kites. At this point, I don't even think they care about the consequences. They find more clothing from Mr. Martinez in his shoes and pants. There either was one hell of a party down here, or something's up. Casey and Margaret break open a closet that contains plants sporting body parts. Even tomatoes with human faces. Of course! How could I be so blind...
This book is secretly an Attack of the Killer Tomatoes sequel!
They also find what appears to be their father, bound and gagged in the closet along with Mr. Martinez. Despite their doubts, they free this Dr. Brewer, who rushes past them to grab an ax. Just as this happens, the other Dr. Brewer shows up with Mrs. Brewer, and we play a game of "who's your daddy"? Margaret snatches the ax from bondage Brewer and threatens to use it on them. Bondage Brewer calls her Princess, but in the heat of the situation, Margaret still doesn't know who to trust. Way to whiff on that whole nickname thing mattering Jovial Bob. What does solve the dilemma is to stab the two of them. Bondage Brewer has red blood, so he must be the real one, right? Regardless, Bondage Brewer literally chops Hat Brewer in half like a plant stem and it dies. Dr. Brewer later tells them that in his playing of god, he got some of his DNA mixed with the plants and that's what made his clone, and what caused the leaf hair side effect. So, they destroy the plants and are a happy family once again.
TWIST ENDING
Until Margaret, resting in the backyard, feels a flower nudge her ankle. The flower whispers to her that he's the real Dr. Brewer. He's her real father. Plant dad or flesh dad, who really birthed this babe? Find out on the next Maury.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Stay Out Of The Basement is a pretty solid book all things considered. At least in comparison to Welcome to Dead House at least. Though granted, after like the third time they go into the basement, it does lose its shock value. I think that's a problem with Stine and padding out these books. Trying to pace out this stuff isn't his forte so far. But, that aside, I do like the whole build to plant dad and his ominous plant sex dungeon in the basement. And yes, I too see the latent undertones about Dr. Brewer possibly being gay. The strange distant behavior, mother making excuses to get away from this now loveless relationship, the sudden change in diet, the fear of age and dying your hair green to be cool, all culminating with Dr. Brewer and his secret lover Mr. Martinez naked in a closet in a bondage attempt gone horribly, horribly wrong. Next thing you know, you're slicing your doppleganger in half with an ax in front of your kids and wife and you realize that things may have gotten out of hand. That's life I guess. A strange, strange life. But this is Goosebumps, and things are only going to get much stranger. Stay Out Of The Basement gets an A.
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