Gooseblog: Goosebumps Series 2000 #13: Return to HorrorLand

It's interesting how things work out, huh? I didn't have a copy of this book before I started working on the first HorrorLand arc, so I couldn't give it a fair comparison to Stine's longer opus. But this week, I found a copy at my local thrift store, meaning that I can now fully see what happens when Stine is given the better part of twelve books to flesh out a HorrorLand sequel to having one book in his regular format. It's time to take the ride once more as we Return to HorrorLand.

COVER STORY

I'm not the biggest fan of this cover. I do like the slimy look to the Ice Scream, giving off a very monster blood vibe. The background with the giant tent and the roller coaster gives off that carnival feel. I think my problem though is the horror itself. I looks less like the hulking blue-green beasts we've seen in previous books and more like a gargoyle. A naked gargoyle squatting and handing you ice cream. I do like the details of the fur and the horns, and it does look intimidating, but it also just feels like the blandest monster design Tim Jacobus has ever given us.

STORY

We open the book with our protagonists from the last book, Lizzy Morris, Luke Morris and superfluous Clay roughhousing with one another as they await the show Strange Happenings to start. The show is hosted by a married couple named Derek and Margo Strange, who seek out strange happenings and weird people. So, a little like Sick, Sad World. In this episode, Margo is interviewing... oh god no... Evan Ross, who is talking about his encounters with monster blood. Every time I think I'm away from the world of Evan Ross, Jovial Bob pulls me back in. On one hand, it does seem to play into the shared universe theory that most of the Goosebumps books all exist in one universe, which would be expanded upon in the HorrorLand series, but on the other hand this book is here to remind us that Monster Blood II exists as the report is on Cuddles' attack on the school.

Mrs. Morris shows up to lament the kids watching stuff as stupid as Strange Happenings, when the doorbell rings. Lizzy answers it, only to be greeted by Derek and Margo. They're here because they know that the Morris family went to HorrorLand last year. They need Luke, Lizzy and Clay to go back to HorrorLand to expose what's really going on. Apparently there's something more sinister going on than just running a cable channel for monsters. It also moved from its original place to Florida. Mrs. Morris is against this, but the Stranges tell her that the kids will be supervised to ensure nothing happens to them. The kids are worried about going back, but decide to be on board, so Mrs. Morris signs off to it, as does Clay's family. However, when Lizzy looks through the window of the limo the Stranges arrived in, she sees what she think is a green tail.

The Stranges and the three kids head off to HorrorLand. Derek and Margo brush off Lizzy's tail concern as just a costume for another segment later in the show. They arrive to HorrorLand, with a sign mentioning that it's under new mismanagement. The Stranges disguise themselves as tacky tourists and the five arrive in the park, only for a horror to confront them and destroy the video camera that the Stranges were going to use for footage. But no worries, he brought a tinier camera just in case. Luke notices a lack of "No Pinching" signs, so his Mad Pincher persona is back and just as obnoxious as ever. The three check out a food stand selling human fingers and get some footage before entering the Mummy Walk attraction which is inside a pyramid. Luke is excited, because unlike Lizzy for the most part, he caught a case of the "gonna act like the threats from the last story weren't real" stupids. This is best seen when snakes begin to rise from the floor of the pyramid and he thinks they aren't real, until they start attacking him.

After that, they all still think it's just robots or special effects as they head further into the pyramid where a row of "mummy cases" stand with nothing in it. Although there is one that has someone screaming to be let out, but it's just chalked up as just recordings. Luke and Clay examine another sarcophagus and Luke dares Lizzy to climb in, because he's an annoyance in this book almost more so than the first. When she declines, he jumps in instead, only for the lid to drop on top, trapping him. Lizzy and Clay try to open it, but to no avail. Derek and Margo also seem to have disappeared. And any attempt to get the horrors to help is denied as they're on their break. Lizzy grabs some chains and the two pull the lid of the sarcophagus open, only to see that Luke has vanished. They panic and go to find him, but he suddenly show up behind them. Turns out there was a trap door that he fell through. So much for that tension. Derek and Margo also show up, saying that they got all the footage on camera.

Their next destination is the Happy Tooth Game. It's a dentist office run by a female horror. The kids get dragged to dentists offices as they hear the wails of children. The dentists are all giant boar-like monsters. One keeps Lizzy locked to a chair and tries to use a drill in her mouth, but she manages to escape. She discovers that they're all robots, so she manages to defeat the robots to free Luke and Clay, Luke still acting cool thinking they were fake. As they escape, they see Derek and Margo again, telling them that they got the footage, but if everything has been fake or fabricated so far, it won't make good footage. But maybe the Elevator Shaft ride they go to next will provide them the footage they seek. They opt to get something to eat instead. They spot a cart that sells caramel heads, shrunken heads dipped in caramel. Lizzy examines one, which opens its mouth to ask for help. The kids panic, but when they look for Derek and Margo, they've vanished yet again.

As they look for the Stranges, suddenly several horrors arrive and throw a net over Luke, Lizzy and Clay. They won't tell the kids where they're going, but eventually lead them into a room with a giant horror wearing a cape and a black mask. This is the Dungeon Master, who tells the two that they have been brought to the Dungeon of No Return. The kids are taken downstairs to his torture chamber where we see get some details as to how thumb screws work. But the Dungeon Master has the kids placed on a trapdoor that lowers to a room filled with hungry ferrets. Well that's different. The kids manage to escape after bumping into a button on the wall. They're still freaked out and concerned not just about Margo and Derek's disappearance, but the want to get out of here as soon as possible. They then see a sign for Amaz-O the Magician. Oh. Goody. I so wanted to be reminded of Bad Hare Day.

Amaz-O performs various acts before inviting Lizzy on stage for his tiger cage trick. Against her will, she's shoved into the cage as she hears the tigers advancing on her. Suddenly, the curtain is lifted and she sees no tigers. Matter of fact, she doesn't see Amaz-O, Luke or Clay. She gets out of the cage and heads to the entrance, only to see Derek and Margo being thrown out of the park for breaking their rules. The horrors then ready themselves to throw Lizzy out too, but she darts off, still looking for Luke and Clay. She finds them at Vulture Beach as they'e been tied to the sand with vultures circling them. Lizzy fights with the birds until she starts throwing sand at them, causing them to fly off. Luke and Clay free their hands and the three try to make their escape. However, with every horror now looking for them, they might end up back at Vulture Beach. They find a costume shop and dress up as horrors, which somehow is enough for the three of them to fool the horrors into letting them leave.

The kids, now lost, trek down the road until they can find a phone. Suddenly, Derek and Margo show up in a van, relieved to have found them. The kids hop inside, only to see that the Stranges are driving them back to HorrorLand. The horrors grab the kids out of the van as the Stranges reveal the truth. The kids knew too much about HorrorLand, so the horrors paid the Stranges to see if the kids were willing to go on TV to reveal the truth. If they had simply said no, none of this would have happened. The Stranges grab their money and drive off, while the kids are at the mercy of the horrors. The horrors take the kids up to the steepest cliff in the park called "The Final Leap" and force the kids to jump off.

TWIST ENDING

But before they jump, suddenly three more horrors arrive to tell the kids that they are to be taken back to the bottom of the park. They lead Luke, Lizzy and Clay out of the park in their own vehicle, where they pull off their horror masks, revealing themselves to be human reporters for Weird Copy. They tell the kid that the horrors of that park are evil and revel in torturing humans. But thanks to the three kids, the horrors have been exposed and the Stranges arrested. But instead of taking the kids home, they tell them that they need some more exciting footage. The van arrives at the front gate of TerrorVille.

CONCLUSION

Return to HorrorLand is mediocre at best. The scary attractions feel a lot less intense compared to the previous book, the climax is dull and predictable and that twist just stinks. I started this blog article asking what the difference would be between a HorrorLand sequel smack dab in the monthly grind compared to one given time to breathe and I sure got the answer. But, there are some things I do like. Particularly the idea of the shared universe, with us getting references to characters from Monster Blood and Bad Hare Day. Granted, neither were books I liked, but at least they played into my theory that, save for some books where it can't work (My Best Friend is Invisible for example, though maybe it can?), almost every Goosebumps book can share in one universe. A universe where bizarre paranormal phenomena occur. And even the idea of a tabloid style show covering the events is a fresh idea. As someone who has read way too many of these books than should be healthily allowed, this did get a rise in me. Too bad it was in a sequel book that was "second verse, lamer than the first." Return to HorrorLand gets a C-.