Weird Episodes: Punky Brewster: The Perils of Punky

Let's get back into the realm of the weird this week and look back at what is perhaps the most infamous pair of weird episodes. It's time to pump ourselves up with some Punky Power and talk "the Perils of Punky" from season two of Punky Brewster.

For the uninitiated, Punky Brewster was a family sitcom that aired from 1984-1988. It told the story of Penelope "Punky" Brewster, an orphan who, along with her dog Brandon (A likely reference to NBC president Brandon Tartikoff), sneaks into the apartment building of a photographer and building manager named Henry Warnimont. Eventually, the curmudgeonly Henry adopts her. I really don't have a lot of memories of Punky Brewster. I do remember watching some of it as a kid. I do especially remember the episodes involving her friend Cerise being trapped in a refrigerator, as well as the episode that dealt with the challenger explosion. These two episodes I'm covering for the blog, the two part "Perils of Punky" however, seem very vague in my memory. But, if I had seen them as a kid, lord knows they would have screwed me up. Because these aren't just any ordinary weird episodes, these are some traumatic ones.

We open the episode with our cast heading out to Lake Waxahatchie to go camping. Along with Punky, Henry and Brandon are Cerise, her grandmother Betty, annoying jokester Allen and whiny snob Margeaux. So, get used to a lot of bad jokes and complaining for the next hour. The episode is pretty uneventful early on with the kids just having fun in the wilderness while we get some stock footage of ducks in the lake. That is until Henry sends a bunch of children out to the woods to find firewood unaccompanied by adults. Margeaux complains, but they drag her out as well.

Punky notices a lot of dead trees in the forest and then, akin to an Alice in Wonderland story, Brandon chases a rabbit, which leads to the other kids following him. They stumble upon a cave, and realize that they're lost. We go into another montage of the kids trying to find their way back to camp, but they just end up back in the same spot. Allen suggests staying in cave. Margeaux says going in the cave is against her dead body, which he thinks is a good reason.

Allen's a douche.

The get further into the cave and find a campfire, complete with some ominous cave paintings. Punky thinks that this is all too convenient that someone left a campfire and pictures of them. To calm the others down, she also suggests telling a scary story. As she tells a scary story very similar to their situation. As they try to calm down, they hear drums...

And then this happens! They get caught by Native Americans (but of course this is the eighties so they're just called Indians). The chief warns the kids of an evil spirit that lives within the cave. The spirit is Owatagoosiam (Oh, what a goose I am, har har.). But Princess Moon and her spirits went down into the cave to stop the spirit and its many traps. Ultimately, Princess Moon bested the spirit. But now the evil spirit has escaped and the land is dying (hence the trees dying), so it needs to be stopped yet again. And the chief says that only Punky and her pals are able to defeat it once more. The kids are adamant, but they ultimately decide to fight back.

And of course, as soon as the kids start to head through the cave, it seals in on them, trapping them. Meaning that any hopes of welshing out on this deal just went sour. Punky, like a moron, screams her catchphrase "Punky Power" and it causes more rocks to fall. They go deep into the cave and

HOLY CRAP!!!

So, we end part one with that nightmare fuel. I would again like to remind you that this show doesn't deal with supernatural stuff like evil spirits and giant spiders, so I can only imagine the reaction of some kids when this innocent enough episode suddenly 180s into psychedelic spider beast. And here's the thing, for as tame as this first episode was, it's going to get crazier in part two.

In part two, after seeing... that thing, the kids head down deeper into the cave only to find arms and legs sticking out of a cave wall. Not only that, but the arms and legs are still moving, which somehow bothers Punky far less than anything else.

Oh, and there's there head. 

The head has no clue what his name is, so Punky comes up with the oh-so-clever, "Mr. Pieces". He was mining for gold, when he heard an evil laugh that just decided to tear him limb from limb literally. After conversing with Mr. Pieces, the kids leave and continue deeper down the cave. Punky finds a tomahawk, but then realizes that it might belong to the evil spirit. Oh, and then the tomahawk moves on its own. What amount of drugs were used for this to be conceived?

As the kids go further, they notice a giant spider web and get caught. And then the spider arrives. So, what we have right now is Punky Brewster wrestling a giant spider beast, then killing it with a magic tomahawk.

THIS SHOW WAS THE WHITE GIRL VERSION OF WEBSTER! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON???

So after that traumatic experience, the kids start to disappear one by one. First Margeaux vanishes, as the evil spirit mocks them. Then Allen vanishes. Then eventually Cerise vanishes. And then...

You didn't think it could get worse than the giant spider, but then BAM! Second encore! 

So, yeah. Allen's a wall monster, Cerise is like some sort of snake and Margeaux got turned into a skeleton (or a zombie with the close ups, I have zero damn clue). So, Punky's already screwed up, but the spirit doubles down by showing her a vision of Henry and Betty being happy that the brats are gone. But, it's okay, at least Brandon's still...

OH COME ON!

So Punky finally confronts the evil spirit, who looks about as freaky as I'd expect at this point. he revels in Punky's hatred of him. He's ready to kill a child, or turning her into a mouse to feed to his snakes. Again, this is a kids show.

Then, suddenly, we see a version of Punky in Native American garb. This is Princess Moon, who tells her to defeat the spirit by using her heart. She says to let love be her sword. So, it's the full on Care Bears power of love that quells the evil beast. She says that she pities the spirit for not knowing how to love someone. It turns out to be enough to kill the spirit. It manages to work and everyone is back to normal, even Mr. Pieces.

Oh, and this was all just a ghost story from Punky, so at least we have some bearing to... whatever the hell we just went through. Henry and Betty manage to find them and they all head home. Good this it was all just a story...

Or was it? DUN DUN DUN!!! 

So... The Perils of Punky. This was a very bizarre two parter for this show, which to my knowledge never really delved into any level of insanity like this. I can definitely see how a lot of this episode could have scarred a lot of kids, from the spider stuff to the multiple fates of Punky's friends. Even the stuff with the spirit outright saying he plans to kill Punky feels really dark and off for such a corny sitcom. But, on the other hand, I think these two episodes are kind of awesome. Granted, the dialogue is really bad, even for the standards of cute kid sitcoms of the time. But for a sitcom budget, the effects are pretty good. Especially for the evil spirit and the giant spider puppet. Overall, while Punky can be a show that might be too sugary for most tastes and hasn't aged well, I will say that these two weird, weird episodes are definitely worth the watch.