It's time to get slimy once again. But thankfully with a substance not called Monster Blood. It's The Blob That Ate Everyone AKA It ate everyone, Stupid!
COVER STORY
I really like this cover. You have your standard stuff like the nice trees and gorgeous clouds in the sky. But your gaze is more focused on the giant blob monster with it's enormous tongue weighing down the debris in front of it. First off, and maybe I'm in the minority, but the blob monster reminds me of Krang from Ninja Turtles with how it looks like a giant, pink, veiny, brain monster. Then there's the debris, which Tim put a lot of effort in and it pays off in showing just how much damage this blob can do. And all without revealing anything integral to the book's plot. Bravo Tim.
STORY
Zackie Beauchamp (yes, seriously. ZACKIE) is our protagonist for this story. We open our story with Zackie and his friend Alex collecting worms. But thankfully, this doesn't become a sequel to Go Eat Worms! as the two kids get attacked by a giant blob monster that eats them. You could say that makes for the fastest Goosebumps ever, but it's soon revealed that this is all just a story Zackie wrote. You see, Zackie has aspirations of being a world famous author of monster stories. Methinks this might be Jovial Bob projecting quite a bit of himself in this one, eh? Zackie tells the story to his friends Alex and Adam, the latter mocking him for it being as scary as "Goldilocks And The The Bears". I think by now, it's too late to make a "somebody toucha my spaghet" joke without it feeling hella dated.
On their way home from Adam's, Zackie and Alex walk home. They then see the old antique store, which seems to have been destroyed. Two women show up to give exposition. The store got hit by lightning from a storm yesterday and caught fire, completely destroying everything. Alex thinks it's wise to just keep going, but Zackie just has to scope the damage inside for himself. Inside the two kids find an old typewriter, still in great condition. Zackie touches it, but gets zapped by an electrical shock. One that almost seems to zap him into a completely different state of consciousness. He wakes up, and despite the shock, decides he wants to take the typewriter so he can write some really scary stories.
But before they can steal the typewriter, they hear noises. A woman named Mrs. Carter catches the two kids before they can run off. But instead of putting up any fight over the typewriter, she just lets Zackie take it. She even gives him a fountain pen since, screw it, this place is done for anyway. Zackie is overjoyed, but Alex is weirded out as she doesn't understand why someone would just give away a valuable typewriter so easily. Regardless, Zackie takes it home and puts it in his room. Later that night, he sees it give off a strange blue glow. But this time when he touches it, it doesn't give him a shock.
The next day, Zackie tells Alex that he plans to make his blob story even scarier than before. His motivation seemingly coming from after Adam and a pair of twins named Annie and Emmy drop a mouse down his shirt and mock him for being afraid. He finishes writing his first draft with the pen he got earlier, then plans to write the finished version with his typewriter, but when he goes to use it, it's vanished! Oh wait, it was being fixed up by his dad, who even oiled the keys and bought an ink ribbon, which are hard to find. GOOSEBUMPS PARENTS-who are actually respectful of their kids and not jerks. It's been a while. Zackie starts typing up his story, even starting with the stock "It was a dark and stormy night", when he hears the sound of a storm outside. This makes Zackie panic and finally admit that despite being a fan of horror stories, he's a massive coward.
With the power out, Zackie continues to type the story by candlelight. He mentions high winds, which leads to the house being rocked by some strong gusts. He types that both Alex and himself are trapped in a storm alone, which then leads to Zackie's parents vanishing. Instead of waiting til much later in the book, it's here where the kids begin to get the feeling that whatever being written on the typewriter is suddenly coming true. They test it some more, managing to teleport Adam to their house. After typing that the storm is gone, the storm vanishes and it seems that everything's back to normal. Well, that is until Adam goes to the typewriter and writes that a blob monster is in Zackie's basement. Boy, writing him into this story was a real smart idea there Zackaroo!
The kids check the basement for any sign of a blob monster, but find nothing. This is enough to make them less sure about any magical properties of the typewriter and chalk this whole evening up as a big coincidence. The next day Adam scares Zackie again, which yet again embarrasses him. Why are you friends with this jackass again? But not too long after this, they see people running in the streets in a panic. Zackie soon sees what they're running from. It's a giant pink blob monster. It turns out that Zackie did continue typing his story and it made the blob come to life. It chases after the kids, who return to Zackie's home. He tries to use the typewriter to finish the story, destroying the blob, but it's conveniently gone again. With no other alternative, he thinks that maybe it's not the typewriter, or even the pen he got. That it's all his imagination, perhaps enchanted from the shock. He thinks the monster away, and sure enough it works.
TWIST ENDING
Then we get our big twist as we learn that this was all a story written by a pink blob monster. He asks his friend, a green blob monster for any suggestions to make the story better, and the green blob says that he should have ended it with the blob eating the children.
CONCLUSION
The Blob That Ate Everyone feels like Stine's love letter to the world of authoring and his own origins in the business. How he found a typewriter as a kid and that was what he used to start himself in the world of writing. And using that concept with the whole "the power of imagination is the most powerful weapon of all" idea actually could have made for a good book. I say could have, because it feels like this book is super rushed. We don't get much time to have fun with the idea of a magic typewriter supposedly making everything it types come true. Hell, when we get to the blob attack, we don't spend really any time with Zackie typing it up or coming up with these big set pieces. It all just comes together in the last few chapters. Which is a real shame as this could have been a great story. As for the twist, it's okay. A callback of sorts to how they open the book with a similar fake out. It's not a terrible book, and it has a cool idea, but it's one that doesn't get a chance to show it's full potential. A real pity. The Blob That Ate Everyone gets a D.
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