It's time to get monstrous with today's Goosebumps book as we enter the latter half of the forties. After a rough batch of books, we saw some reprieve with Ghost Camp. Can we keep it up? Let's find out with How To Kill A Monster AKA War Of The Worlds Wants Its Resolution Back.
COVER STORY
Hey, it's another Tim Jacobus cover that I really like. Surprise, surprise. It's another great use of color as we get the comforting use of bright pinks and oranges for the outside, and dark blues to represent the dark room. Also the freaky looking monster hands grabbing at the door, ready to escape. It's definitely a cover that sells you on the concept of this book without giving anything away. My issue with it is that it does feel a bit too similar to Stay Out Of The Basement, which also had a monster hand sticking out of a door. That cover wasn't done by Jacobus, so I can't call Tim lazy about it, but it does make things feel a bit too similar.
STORY
Gretchen Hughes is our protagonist for this one. She and her stepbrother (a true rarity in these so far) Clark (who is also 12 which what the hell, this is breaking from the norm too much for me to handle!) are being taken to their grandparents home in the middle of the swamplands of Georgia while their parents take off for an "emergency" in Atlanta. Been a while since we've had parents dump their kids off so they can go to Atlanta. That was the same reason Evan had to stay with aunt Catherine in Monster Blood. Grandma Rose and Grandpa Eddie are, as we learn from dad are, a little eccentric to say the least. It's the best explanation as to why they never seem to leave their home. Clark is a bit more preoccupied with his monster comics, which depict creatures that come out of the mud and steal children. Gretchen uses this as a way to scare him, saying that there really are swamp monsters. Something I'm sure won't foreshadow what's to come.
On their way, the car suddenly gets a flat tire. While dad goes to fix it, Gretchen picks on Clark some more as they wander a bit further into the swamp. Then they see a swamp monst-Oh wait, it's just their dog Charley. Dad fixes the car and they make it to the grandparents house, which is described to be a literal castle. Three stories high with turrets and everything. They meet the grandparents, who seem kindly enough. Grandpa Eddie even has a bit of a hearing problem, so he mistakes words easily. Despite no phone, no TV and no motorcar (not a single luxury), everyone settles in easily enough. But Charley starts barking and panicking. Because as we've learned from these books, the dogs are always the first to spot danger.
As Gretchen tries to sleep, she begins to hear strange howling noises coming from inside the house. She goes to check on Clark, and sees signs of a struggle in his room. She screams, but it turns out that Clark was just fine and she overreacted. The next day the kids go to breakfast where they see their grandma has made dozens of pancakes. Far too many for even the kids to eat. And even stranger, neither of the grandparents have anything on their plates. However, Gretchen remembers that there were presents for the grandparents and goes to get them. As she returns, she sees Grandpa Eddie going upstairs with a giant plate of pancakes. And later when they bake with their grandmother, they notice her making far more pies than necessary. The grandparents tell the kids that they're free to roam the house, but there is one room in particular that is locked. They must stay away from that room. Why? Well, instead of just confessing why and making this easy, they just make an excuse that it's a supply closet.
The kids look around the different rooms, crapping on how all of the grandparents keepsakes are junk. Gretchen gets attacked by cockroaches at one point, and in another Clark disappears! Oh wait, it's just him playing a prank. After all that talk about this breaking from the norm, it sure patched that all back up right quick. I had faith, Jovial Bob! Clark then hides on Gretchen some more, so she has to go find him. She rounds a corner then almost falls through the floor. Didn't count on that convenient hole on the ground, huh? It's there she sees the locked room, still with the key inside its lock. She almost opens it, but chooses against it to continue hunting for Clark. But then she becomes an idiot and just decides to open it, thinking maybe he did hide in there. She opens the door, and wouldn't you know it, gets greeted by a giant monster. Ten feet tall, looking like a weird hybrid of alligator and human with fur all over it.
Gretchen panics, but the monster is more focused on eating its stacks of pancakes and any arrant beetles on the floor to attack her. She runs out just as the monster notices her. She runs into Clark, who doesn't believe her and, like and idiot, goes into the room. The kids run out of the room, with the monster in tow. They lock Charley in the bathroom while they search for the grandparents. They're nowhere to be seen. Not only that, they've bolted the doors shut and nailed down the windows. They literally locked the kids in with a monster and flew the coop! Screw Goosebumps parents, Goosebumps grandparents are even worse! And you think "nah, there must be some viable explanation. It can't be that sinister",
THEY LEAVE THEM A NOTE ON THE FRIDGE THAT AMOUNTS TO "SORRY KIDS, WE KINDA ACCIDENTALLY LODGED A SWAMP MONSTER! WE DIDN'T TELL ANYONE! BUT NOW THAT YOU'RE HERE, IT'S YOUR PROBLEM! BETTER YOU THAN US! GOOD LUCK!"
Now left to their doom, the kids realize that the only way to save themselves is to try and kill the monster. They first try to lure the monster into the hole in the floor, hoping it will fall to its death. It falls, but it doesn't kill him. It just pisses the monster off even more. The next plan is to make the monster a poison pie. But it turns out that the monster loves the taste of poison. It does seem to take effect as it passes out suddenly. The kids take this opportunity to try and break the door down, but no luck. Even worse, the monster is still alive. The kids get cornered as the monster gets in closer. It starts licking Gretchen, when suddenly it starts to talk. He tells them that "I'm allergic to humans", and it starts to die. So wait, the grandparents were worried about this thing this whole time, but it was never an actual threat to them? And they still abandoned their grandchildren despite the possibility of them being killed? Wow.
TWIST ENDING
The kids manage to break free and run deep into the swamp. It's then that they decide to read the other letter their grandparents left them. If they managed to kill the monster and escape, they should stay to the road, because there are more of these monsters, and they're none too pleased that their kin was taken. As the kids try to figure out what to do, they hear noises. More monsters are coming. Let's hope they're also allergic to humans.
CONCLUSION
R.L Stine throws his hat into the world of survival horror in this one and, surprisingly, he comes off making a really good thriller. Granted, they don't build on the mystery of the monster until the middle of the book, and with all the stuff about Clark and his monster comics, I thought that would have played more into their plans, but what we still get is solid stuff. Though the monster being allergic to humans was kind of lame. It's like War of the Worlds with the biggest issue for the aliens being human germs, or Signs with the aliens being weak to water. It really destroys any major threat that we had. But leaving us with this possibly just being an isolated situation and more monsters in these kids future saves that outcome from being too lame as the end result for these kids is still pretty dark. Not to mention, who knows what other beasts lurk in the swamp?
The twist of the grandparents leaving them to die is amazing, easily the biggest shocker I've had in any of these books. I mean, it's kind of clever, seeing as they've been likely dealing with this monster for ages, so they were desperate. But wow. First off, being so secretive about the monster, and not telling the kids about it, then just abandoning them is some pure evil stuff right there. I mean, if the monster was locked in the room, why didn't they just leave in the first place? They were aware of how to deal with swamp monsters, and how to escape the swamp, so why was it necessary to lure the kids into this clear trap and leave them to die? That isn't saving your skin, that's just being somehow bigger monsters than the actual monster! I highly recommend this book on that swerve alone. But realistically, this still has several issues that keep it from perfect. But it's still one I found enjoyable despite. How to Kill a Monster gets an A-,
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