It's time to get crackin' with today's Goosebumps installment. It's Egg Monsters From Mars AKA the most WTF twist in Goosebumps history, and that's saying something.
COVER STORY
After such a dumb cover last time, Tim Jacobus comes back in full swing with what is unquestionably the grossest cover of the original 62. Just look at the detailed slime oozing from the yolk-like creature emerging from the green egg. Though I gotta ask, with how different that one egg looks in comparison to the rest, why would you think it wise to keep it? Also, this is one of the rare occasions that I'm not too annoyed with the warping or the checkerboard as they both work for this picture, giving us a creepy perspective for the egg monster, and well... it's a kitchen floor, so it's not a big deal to have a checker floor. It's detailed, it's gross, it's genuinely unsettling, it's a perfect Goosebumps cover.
STORY
Dana Johnson is our protagonist for this edition. He's a bit of a stuck up pessimist, not too keen on having to deal with his 10 year old sister Brandy's Easter egg hunt. Dana's more of a science nerd, which makes sense as both of his parents are scientists, so that at least runs in the family. At the Easter Egg hunt, Dana's having a miserable time, and is being chided for his former love of Ninja Turtles, to which he vehemently denies ever being a fan of because he was a sophisticated 10-year old. Come on dude, Ninja Turtles will always be the best thing ever and you know it. Also Donatello is best turtle, don't even come in with your weak ass arguments. He does machines, people! HE. DOES. MACHINES.
Despite not wanting to take part, his friend Anne bets that she can find more eggs than him, which is enough incentive to get Dana up and moving. He finds a strange looking egg and places it in his basket, just as the rest of the kids have forgone the hunt and are now throwing eggs each other in a giant egg fight. It's all fun and games until you get a hard egg to the temple, kids. Dana then notices the egg in his basket. It's larger than the other eggs, is a strange green color, and is covered in veins. It also something appears to have something moving inside of it. He goes to show Anne, but trips over a dog and falls on the egg. But, the egg doesn't break from the impact. After the party, the parents chew out Brandy for the egg fight, but she blames her mother for not hard boiling the eggs, then has the gall to immediately ask for a cake and ice cream party next year.
That night, the egg continues to act strange. Loud thumping noises can be heard from inside, almost like a heartbeat, and it's hot to the touch. He tries to tell his parents about it, but being Goosebumps parents, they don't even want to talk about eggs and tell him to go to bed. The egg then starts to crack, and out from the egg emerges a slimy creature, some kind of blob-like yolk monster. Dana wakes up the next day to tell his parents, but they've gone to take Brandy to her piano lessons. I've heard they can be murder. He decides to show Anne the creature, but doesn't quite know how he's going to be able to carry it. After some time deep thought, he decides to use a shovel to put it inside a shoe box. But when the creature growls, he drops it, causing it to fall on his leg.
He brings it to Anne's house, and at first she thinks it's just a pile of rotten egg yolk, which leads to a scene where Dana thinks that the creature gets poured into the garbage disposal. But eventually she starts to see it move, and he explains about finding it in the yard the day before. He tells Anne that maybe he should take the creature to the conveniently placed science lab on Denver Street. Maybe the scientists who work there can study it and find out what it is exactly. He heads to the lab, but sees that they're closed on the weekends. He goes to leave, but an old scientist opens the door with slicked white hair and a salt and pepper mustache. You know, the stock mad scientist look.
The scientist introduces himself as Dr. Gray, and seems really interested in the egg creature. He invites Dana into his lab so he can get a better look at it. He instantly recognizes the creature. You see, there have been several of these eggs that have appeared all over town. They fell from space, from Mars most likely. He's been collecting the creatures, keeping them locked in his lab for further study. Before you can say "this feels like a trap", he leads Dana into the room with the monsters, which is freezing cold. Turns out these egg monsters can't stand heat and melt quickly, so he keeps them in this giant walk-in freezer to preserve them. Dana's quite excited by this whole situation, but tells the doctor that he has to leave. But, this being a trap like I said, Dr. Gray tells him that he can't leave!
Dr. Gray tells Dana that he doesn't want anyone to know about these egg monsters. More importantly, he wants to study Dana to see if he's been affected by these creatures in any way. Dana tries to escape, but the door locks on him, leaving him trapped in the freezer with the creatures. Panicked, he tries to break the window of the freezer door, but is unsuccessful. The egg monsters start to communicate with one another, then try to communicate with Dana, which slowly begins to work. Later on, he hears Dr. Gray talking to his parents, claiming that Dana never showed up here. We get a couple chapters of Dana trying to get his dad's attention, but to no avail. Again, Goosebumps parents.
So, why didn't his dad see or hear him? Turns out Dr. Gray had this all planned out. Soundproof walls and a one-way window. Dude seems like the kind of guy who really wanted to kidnap someone for experiments and made damn sure to get his bases covered. Hell, this is most likely not the first person he's kidnapped. He says that he plans on "experimenting" on Dana tomorrow, and leaves the kid to freeze. Later that night, the egg monsters begin to cover Dana. At first he thinks they're trying to attack him, but it turns out that they're blanketing him to keep him warm. At least I hope that's all, but, well... just wait until the twist. The next day, Dr. Gray opens the freezer and sees the egg blanket from Mars. Enraged because he thinks Dana just ruined his experiment, he throws the egg blanket off Dana in a rage, and threatens to leave Dana in the freezer now to freeze to death. The egg blanket then leaps on to Dr. Gray and starts to smother him. This finally gives Dana the chance to escape. He takes his parents back to the lab, but both Dr. Gray and the egg monsters have vanished.
TWIST ENDING
The next day, Dana is happy to no longer have to deal with creepy scientists and weird egg monsters. He begins to go to Anne's to play Battle Chess, when suddenly he squats on the ground and lays a giant egg. Yep, that's how we end this book. Does... does that mean the egg monsters impregnated him? Does-does that mean that this 12-year old boy got... OH GOD LET'S JUST GO TO THE CONCLUSION!
CONCLUSION
Now, you could say I 'm reading too much into that, maybe the egg laying was the side effects of being in contact with the egg monsters through other means like, it was more of a strange disease contracted from exposure to the creatures that somehow created an egg inside Dana. Maybe the egg blanket had been pregnant and laid the egg inside Dana's... Oh god, there really is no way to make this sound less creepy. Hell, I do believe that the undertones weren't Jovial Bob's intention with this book, but it comes off as far too creepy an outcome to not give those kind of terrible thoughts while reading this. And when that's really the highlight of an otherwise okay story, that's not too endearing. So yeah, great cover, wince-worthy tale. Not as bad as other books, but its implications can't be overstated. Egg Monsters From Mars gets a C+.
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