2013 Crummy Award Winner
Fox: 2013
Well, you voted, and here it is. The first ever Crummy Awards was a surprisingly strong turnout. Hell, when I made the poll, I was expecting maybe 10 pity votes at best. But lo and behold, I stand shocked at 217 votes in total. And despite strong showings from both Uncle Grandpa and Smurfs 2, the dominant winner taking over 29% of the vote was the Family Guy Life of Brian saga. And since you fine toonsters want it, you get it.
I swear to god Family Guy was good at one point. When the writers were trying their damnedest for quality humor mixed with irreverent pop culture references and random comedy. The first few seasons, notably the ones post-initial cancellation were actually funny. In fact those episodes were so popular that it revived the show from being another body in the colossal morgue that is the Fox network, and helped it become a ratings dynamo.
However, as the show progressed, the quality of the episodes began to... well... blow badly. In fact if you read my review of "Screams of Silence: The Story of Brenda Q", you'll see that the glaring issue with modern Family Guy boils down to two massive problems. The first being an overabundance of shock value and crass, mean spirited humor. There's nothing wrong with dark humor, but when the best the writers can do is have Peter make jokes about the name of a baby being born to a family where the wife is being abused, it doesn't have the punch it needs.
And then there's the other issue that really kicks this show in the shin, and causes it to make "Ow" and "sss" noises for five minutes, because it was funny the first time, so you have to ruin it by doing it again, only longer and far more obnoxiously. Family Guy is trying to become more serious with its issues and stories, and it never, ever works. You can't end an episode with Brian talking about suicide after you forced your fans to watch a 10 minute diaper eating joke. You can't talk about religion if it comes from a slighted atheist mindset where all Christians are ignorant, book burning morons. And in the case of "The Life of Brian", you can't try to evoke sadness from your fans while delivering some of the show's worst jokes.
In early 2013, Seth MacFarlane had announced that the show was going to kill off a major character. And as more info became apparent, it was clear whose dog days were numbered. And in late November of 2013, The Life of Brian aired, and we got just that. So, let's look at this episode, see what's wrong with it, and why it deserves the Crummy Award. Let's review this thing.
We open the episode with Brian and Stewie being inexplicably chased by gun toting Native Americans. After the two manage to find a quick escape we learn that the duo traveled back to 17th century Jamestown and Stewie gave guns to the Indians. Why?
I dunno, so we can be bombarded with stereotypes for the first 5 minutes of this episode I guess.
The duo hit a snag when the return pad took damage, so they have to find this alternate timeline Stewie to use his time machine to return to Jamestown to fix the mess they made. They manage to fix the timeline, and the world apparently still as no Native American role models.
The next day, Stewie begins to dismantle his time machine, realizing that it's caused enough trouble as it is. But at least he time traveled to Christmas so he wouldn't have to wait for the new toys to come out. But that won't play any important part in this story.
While destroying the remains of the time machine, Brian finds a perfectly good hockey net at the dump, and decides to take it home with him. The duo decide to set it up in the street to play a game, as Brian gives off a little monologue that pretty much screams out "your ass is dead in a few seconds, isn't it?"
Gotta hand it to Family Guy on this, at least they went full out with how brutal the running over of Brian was. Even if you hate the character for his over the top liberal agenda, it still feels uneasy seeing just how maliciously he was killed. Clearly only one man could have committed such a travesty.
And of course, any shred of sadness this scene is meant to convey is immediately shat upon by having a squirrel kick Brian's mangled body and say that he sucked.
And therein lies the biggest problem with this episode. The subject matter is dark, saddening, but Family Guy is not the show for this. They've shown every time that they've tried to handle deeper subject matter that the writers of this show can't go a minute without ruining the moment with either juvenile humor, or mean spiritedness. Much like my issues with Screams of Silence: The Story of Brenda Q, the addition of comedic moments in serious subject matter don't come off as funny or shocking, but poorly thought out and insensitive. And for a show that mainly focuses on fart jokes and pop culture comedy, thought provoking subject matter is something they shouldn't be dealing with anyways.
The Griffin family see Brian in his last moments of life, as he tells the family that he loved them all, just before he dies. The entire family is deeply saddened by this, and of course the most saddened is Stewie. He tries to rebuild the time machine, but wouldn't you know it? He can't fully rebuild it, because one certain part isn't available anymore. Well, I guess that's it for the time machine angle in the series forever now...
OR he can just build a whole new time machine in the season finale, further taking the piss out of this oh so dramatic situation. For once my procrastination actually benefits me.
At Brian's funeral, we see more sad people, along with more poorly timed jokes (except the Adam West joke, which actually is funny), as the family says their farewell to Brian. I know that Brian was a major character in the series and all, but didn't Family Guy once do an episode where they pointed out how little the importance of a dog's life was to the people of Quahog? There I go throwing continuity around when it looks like it matters.
Everyone is saddened by the loss of Brian, except for Quagmire of course, who has always pretty much hated Brian to begin with. Again, continuity in spurts. Though if they had actually went through with keeping Brian dead for more than three episodes, having Quagmire be revealed as the one who intentionally killed Brian would have actually been smart.
After a month without Brian, the Griffins are still suffering from a bit of grief. And to show just how much Brian truly meant to them, they decide to go forward with getting a new dog, which contradicts entirely how valued Brian truly was to everyone but Stewie I guess. They look around the pet store for a replacement, and eventually find...
This is Vinnie. He's like Brian, as in he's a talking dog, and that's pretty much it. Do you love over the top Italian gangster stereotypes? Do you like that one guy from the Sopranos that wasn't Big Pussy? Well here you go. After instantly hitting it off with Peter, the Griffins decide to get Vinnie, and he becomes beloved by everyone except Stewie.
Oh, and in between we get a crucifixion cutaway gag involving someone mad at a pickle jar and the other guy tells him to nail it up on a cross. This is the extent to what the cutaway gags have gotten to. Pointless shock value with no comedic punchline. I harp on Prom Night Dumpster Baby a lot, but at least that was kinda entertaining. This? Crucify a pickle jar? The hell did that idea even come from?
Stewie tries his hardest to get rid of Vinnie. Mainly through trying to kill him with so much Italian-based grief. But of course, it doesn't work. Eventually Stewie gives up, and Vinnie tells him a sob story about his former owner, and how he wants a family again. It does try to convey how sad the character is, and tries to make him sympathetic. But in the end, it's still just boring, unfunny, and trying too hard to be heartwarming on a show that pretty much has made it clear that the majority of the character within are devoid of anything resembling a heart. Whatever, the episode ends with Stewie and Vinnie getting along, and the Family Guy fandom clearly having no problems whatsoever with the outcome.
Oh right, the fandom lost their everlovin' shit over this. Rants on Twitter, people claiming to be done with Family Guy over the outcome. One idiot even tattooing Brian on his arm to commemorate the death of the pooch. Despite the fact that for the most part, they had stated from multiple sources that there were plans to kill off a character later in the season, most people weren't expecting it to be Brian. I think there were even petitions to bring back Brian in the series.
Though considering there are petitions to bring back Twilight's library, the whole idea of petitions have become nothing but farce nowadays anyhoo.
The next episode "Into Harmony's Way" only features Vinnie like twice in any major capacity, and really isn't worth getting into. The jokes in it are a little funnier since they're not having to write a particularly sadder episode.
And that brings us to "Christmas Guy", where this continues on. The episode for the first half plays like a basic episode of the show. Lois' father Carter Pewtershmidt cancels the mall's Christmas carnival and Peter tries to get him to change his mind.
Oh, and the whole situation is saved when Peter calls Carter Jewish. Yeah. That made the first half so worth watching.
With the Christmas carnival back on, Stewie gets to ask Santa for what he wants. And the one thing he wants is Brian back, since he's the only one who still even acknowledges that Brian even existed.
Vinnie however, still wants to be Stewie's new best friend, and tries to act like Brian, if he was far faker liberal, and spewed everything out in overly Italian stereotypes. In the end, he gives up, and takes Stewie to the mall.
When they get there, Stewie discovers himself from the past there getting the toys early, a joke they actually did reference in the first episode. For all the crap these two episodes have pumped out, I do have to admit they did pull one act of brilliance in the whole situation. Stewie gets Vinnie to distract his past self, as he gets the time return pad from past Stewie so he can save Brian. Vinnie is totally cool with the fact that he'll end up being left in the pet store without a family, but whatever, we're saving Brian.
Stewie manages to save Brian, which gives him a bit more of a newly found appreciation for life. And this entire ratings trap finally comes to an end.
"The Life of Brian" is not the worst Family Guy episode ever. They've done far worse with even more serious subject matter. What makes it so infamous is how much of a deliberate ratings trap it was. They built up the importance of killing off Brian, which led to immediate outrage by the fans of the seires, only to quick fix the situation a whole two episodes later. That would seem like a case of listening to the concerns of the fans, if Family Guy episodes weren't planned out a long time in advance. Whether or not the complaints happened.
Whether the fans mourned Brian's death or cheered it on, this was planned from minute one. Though I guess it did what it set out to do, get people actually talking about Family Guy again in any major capacity for like the first time since it was brought back 2005 at least. But in the end, it will always be a black mark of desperation on a show that at one time didn't need to sink to low ends to get people to care about it.
Thanks once again to everyone who voted this as the winner of the first ever Crummy Awards. See you in 2015 with another worst of the year as chosen by you, and most likely postponed constantly until at least mid-June, because I'm just that lazy. See you next time!
While destroying the remains of the time machine, Brian finds a perfectly good hockey net at the dump, and decides to take it home with him. The duo decide to set it up in the street to play a game, as Brian gives off a little monologue that pretty much screams out "your ass is dead in a few seconds, isn't it?"
And wouldn't you know it?
Whether he did it for the Rock or not is still up in the air.
The Griffin family see Brian in his last moments of life, as he tells the family that he loved them all, just before he dies. The entire family is deeply saddened by this, and of course the most saddened is Stewie. He tries to rebuild the time machine, but wouldn't you know it? He can't fully rebuild it, because one certain part isn't available anymore. Well, I guess that's it for the time machine angle in the series forever now...
OR he can just build a whole new time machine in the season finale, further taking the piss out of this oh so dramatic situation. For once my procrastination actually benefits me.
At Brian's funeral, we see more sad people, along with more poorly timed jokes (except the Adam West joke, which actually is funny), as the family says their farewell to Brian. I know that Brian was a major character in the series and all, but didn't Family Guy once do an episode where they pointed out how little the importance of a dog's life was to the people of Quahog? There I go throwing continuity around when it looks like it matters.
After a month without Brian, the Griffins are still suffering from a bit of grief. And to show just how much Brian truly meant to them, they decide to go forward with getting a new dog, which contradicts entirely how valued Brian truly was to everyone but Stewie I guess. They look around the pet store for a replacement, and eventually find...
Him.
This is Vinnie. He's like Brian, as in he's a talking dog, and that's pretty much it. Do you love over the top Italian gangster stereotypes? Do you like that one guy from the Sopranos that wasn't Big Pussy? Well here you go. After instantly hitting it off with Peter, the Griffins decide to get Vinnie, and he becomes beloved by everyone except Stewie.
Oh, and in between we get a crucifixion cutaway gag involving someone mad at a pickle jar and the other guy tells him to nail it up on a cross. This is the extent to what the cutaway gags have gotten to. Pointless shock value with no comedic punchline. I harp on Prom Night Dumpster Baby a lot, but at least that was kinda entertaining. This? Crucify a pickle jar? The hell did that idea even come from?
Stewie tries his hardest to get rid of Vinnie. Mainly through trying to kill him with so much Italian-based grief. But of course, it doesn't work. Eventually Stewie gives up, and Vinnie tells him a sob story about his former owner, and how he wants a family again. It does try to convey how sad the character is, and tries to make him sympathetic. But in the end, it's still just boring, unfunny, and trying too hard to be heartwarming on a show that pretty much has made it clear that the majority of the character within are devoid of anything resembling a heart. Whatever, the episode ends with Stewie and Vinnie getting along, and the Family Guy fandom clearly having no problems whatsoever with the outcome.
Oh right, the fandom lost their everlovin' shit over this. Rants on Twitter, people claiming to be done with Family Guy over the outcome. One idiot even tattooing Brian on his arm to commemorate the death of the pooch. Despite the fact that for the most part, they had stated from multiple sources that there were plans to kill off a character later in the season, most people weren't expecting it to be Brian. I think there were even petitions to bring back Brian in the series.
Though considering there are petitions to bring back Twilight's library, the whole idea of petitions have become nothing but farce nowadays anyhoo.
The next episode "Into Harmony's Way" only features Vinnie like twice in any major capacity, and really isn't worth getting into. The jokes in it are a little funnier since they're not having to write a particularly sadder episode.
And that brings us to "Christmas Guy", where this continues on. The episode for the first half plays like a basic episode of the show. Lois' father Carter Pewtershmidt cancels the mall's Christmas carnival and Peter tries to get him to change his mind.
One scene which features an intentionally uncomfortable eggnog drinking scene.
Oh, and the whole situation is saved when Peter calls Carter Jewish. Yeah. That made the first half so worth watching.
With the Christmas carnival back on, Stewie gets to ask Santa for what he wants. And the one thing he wants is Brian back, since he's the only one who still even acknowledges that Brian even existed.
"The Life of Brian" is not the worst Family Guy episode ever. They've done far worse with even more serious subject matter. What makes it so infamous is how much of a deliberate ratings trap it was. They built up the importance of killing off Brian, which led to immediate outrage by the fans of the seires, only to quick fix the situation a whole two episodes later. That would seem like a case of listening to the concerns of the fans, if Family Guy episodes weren't planned out a long time in advance. Whether or not the complaints happened.
Whether the fans mourned Brian's death or cheered it on, this was planned from minute one. Though I guess it did what it set out to do, get people actually talking about Family Guy again in any major capacity for like the first time since it was brought back 2005 at least. But in the end, it will always be a black mark of desperation on a show that at one time didn't need to sink to low ends to get people to care about it.
Thanks once again to everyone who voted this as the winner of the first ever Crummy Awards. See you in 2015 with another worst of the year as chosen by you, and most likely postponed constantly until at least mid-June, because I'm just that lazy. See you next time!