Thumbs Down
Warner Bros: 1994
Well, here we are. After dealing with 3 of the infamously bad early 90's Bluth films, we're down to the last one. The animated adaptation of the Hans Christian Anderson classic tale, Thumbelina. It features the voice talent of Ariel herself, Jodie Benson, as the titular Thumbelina, and has that really beautifully done Bluth style you know and love. So, with some good going for it, how can it be bad? Mean, who else is doing voice work?
Carol Channing? Well, I guess that's not very bad.
Charo? Damn. Even for the mid 90's, that's dated.
Gilbert Gottfried? Good to see our old pal yet again.
Yeah, the cast isn't exactly what you call spectacular, but It has to have some great songs, right?
Wait, it won a Razzie for "Worst Original Song?" The only animated movie to be nominated for a Razzie until 2009 too? Good god, what am I getting myself into?
Well, let's not waste any more time. Let's get out some pesticide and deal with the buggy Thumbelina. Let's review this thing.
We open to Paris, in the grand ol' year of once upon a time, as a bird flies around an early 90's CGI town. He stops and introduces himself as Jaquimo, swallow extraordinaire. He continues to fly about, singing a song called "Follow Your Heart". The song itself isn't too grating, but not exactly the best song to open your movie with. He flies into a library (I guess), and tells us about stories of people doing impossible things, as the camera pans to a tiny pink book. The story of Thumbelina.
The story goes that a woman, unable to give birth on her own, gets a magic barleycorn from a witch. Suprisingly not confused on how the hell this would give her a kid, she takes the barleycorn and plants it. Soon, a flower grows, and from it comes our pint sized protagonist, who seems to have gone through the majority of puberty during her flower child days. We go to our next song, as the farm animals sing the praises of Thumbelina. Not a horrible song to be honest, as Jodie Benson is a great singer.
Later on, Thumbelina asks her mother if there are any more tiny folk around, while wishing she were big. Her mother tells Thumbelina of the fairies, which leads to our next song, as our miniature maiden sings about someone who'll find her and love her. And, just as she's singing, she's greeted by a fairy prince named Cornelius. The two hit it off, and decide to ride around on his pet bee. And from there, not even 3 or 4 minutes in, we're greeted with our fourth song already. Which, given the current situation, feels like a knockoff of "Whole New World". Other than that, it's not bad I guess.
After their trip, Cornelius takes Thumbelina home. However, his stuffy bitch of a mother discovers that ol' Corny's absent, and calls for him. Cornelius asks to see Thumbelina again tomorrow, to which she agrees. Wow, a promise in a movie. There's no way that something bad could happen.
Oh shit.
So, Thumbelina get's kidnapped by a frog. Cornelius learns of this news, and sets off to rescue her. Thumbelina, being a surprisingly heavy sleeper, soon wakes up to find out she's not in the same place she was when she dozed off.
Her kidnapper reveals herself as Mrs. Toad, played by Charro. And if any of you younger than 20 actually know who the hell Charro is, consider me shocked. She's the mother of three frog lads, Mozo, Gringo and Grundel. She's kidnapped Thumbelina, to get her to marry her oldest son, Grundel. To which she describes in song of course.
And from here is where the song quality in this movie takes a god damn nosedive. It's more of an annoying song, than terrible. But trust me, we're not even reaching the worst songs yet.
The frogs make Thumbelina wait, as they go round up the family. As she waits, Jaquimo, the swallow extraordinaire, shows up. When Thumbelina tells him that it's impossible for her to get off the lillypad she's on, he helps push the pad across the pond. You know, instead of just putting her on his back, and flying off. And sure enough, the lillypad is headed towards a waterfall. But before our inch high heroine falls to her death, she's rescued by some bugs. Jaquimo heads off to find Cornelius, but not before giving us another song. Well, the first song from the movie again, but in a more grandious scale. After the song, Jaquimo heads off, as Thumbelina begins her journey.
Now, why the hell can't Jaquimo just take her with him? I get that he's not that big a bird, being just a swallow and all, but I doubt that Thumbelina's that heavy. All that nothing is impossible rhetoric, and it's apparently impossible for Jaquimo to take her with him?
Jaquimo JaquiBlows
Thumbelina continues her quest, until she's met by a beetle named Berkeley, voiced by our good buddy Gilbert Gottfried. He's a somewhat lecherous pop star, who in exchange for helping her get to the top of a tree to find her way home, has Thumbelina sing and dance at the beetle ballroom. Which leads to our next song. I guess that's not so bad. I mean, Jodie Benson is....
Oh no.
NO!!!!
HEAVEN HELP US NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gilbert Gottfried's singing again! Really? Somebody thought that shrill voice was worthy of a musical number? AGAIN!??
The song turns ugly on Thumbelina, when she's revealed to have no wings, and is considered ugly by the beetlefolk. After that humiliation, she's greeted again by Jaquimo, who hasn't found Cornelius, but is in time to give her a pep talk. Meanwhile, we see Grundel is searching for Thumbelina, as is Cornelius, who get info from people she's met so far about her whereabouts. Grundel forces Berkeley to find Thumbelina, by ripping his wings off.
That's for singing!
As all that happens, it suddenly turns into Winter. Cornelius ends up falling into a lake, which immediately freezes. Berkeley and his beetle backup singers find him. We get another forgettable song, from Thumbelina's mother this time, as we continue the plot. Thumbelina once again wakes up to unfamiliar territory as she's greeted by Mrs. Fieldmouse, voiced by Carol Channing, who cheers Thumbelina up by telling her bluntly that Cornelius froze to death. .
Classy, Mrs. Fieldmouse. Just classy.
Knowing of Thumbelina's voice, she decides to bring her to meet a very snobby individual named Mr. Mole. Thumbelina tells the story of her and Cornelius, through song of course. After this sad tale, Mr. Mole decides to take her to see a dead bird. Brilliant segue.
Oh, and it's Jaquimo. Boy Old Man Winter's really fucking with Thumbelina isn't he?
Damn you, you lousy.... season.
While she mourns, the rodents plan to make Thumbelina marry Mr. Mole. Damn, the amount of implied beastiality in this film is staggering. Mr. Mole offers Mrs. Fieldmouse a handsome reward for getting this marriage arranged. Sadly it's not all the cheese in the world.
Conor's already got that.
Mrs. Fieldmouse tries to convince Thumbelina to Marry Mr. Mole. And how, might you ask? Through god damn song of course. Ladies and germs, your Razzie award winning song, "Marry the Mole". It's not horrible, it's just really, really dull. Even Carol Channing seems to be phoning it in. By now, the movie has been plowed by songs. Some good, some bad, but all of them at least seemed like they had effort put into them. This one certainly does not.
After that "song", Thumbelina goes to her fallen bird friend. However, after wrapping him up in a blanket, he suddenly comes back to life. Energetic, he finally offers to take Thumbelina to the prince. However, she still believes that Cornelius is dead, and declines. But that doesn't stop that uber cheerful bird from trying to find him anyways. Meanwhile, the bugs from earlier find Cornelius, and try to thaw him out. And of course, being a kids movie, he survives despite hypothermia, and lack of oxygen for what has to be days.
Thumbelina goes through with the wedding to Mr. Mole, as we hear Cornelius singing (given this movie's quota on songs, what else would he be doing?). She declines the marriage offer. However, Grundel shows up, forcing Thumbelina to now deal with the horny toad. She runs off, as everybody gives chase. But it's Prince Cornelius to the rescue, as he does battle with Grundel. But sadly, the two fall to their death.
Thumbelina escapes. Jaquimo shows up, and finally flies her away from the madness. Thumbelina starts to sing, which causes flowers to bloom. And, because they're not gonna off the love interest, Cornelius shows up. The two kiss, which for some reason gives Thumbelina wings. I guess she was a fairy all along.
The two head to the fairy world, and get married. As everybody lives happily every after. Everybody except for Mrs. Toad, who now has to mourn a dead son. The End.
And that's Don Bluth's Thumbelina. Is it a bad movie? Yes. But I will admit it's definitely not the worst of the early 90's Bluth bombs. It has great animation, decent voice acting, and some okay songs. Problem is the plot's rather dull, and the majority of the songs are really bad, especially Gottfried's song, and "Marry the Mole". It's not as dumb as Rock a Doodle, not as annoying as The Pebble and the Penguin, and not as saccharin as A Troll in Central Park. But despite being better than those, it's still tooncrap.