It's Magically Atrocious
Fox: 1998
So, here we are again with yet another cheapquel. After doing both Pocahontas 2 and Secret of Nimh 2, you'd think I'd take a break from the cheap sequels to somewhat decent films?" But no, I'm a masochist. and as such, have nerves of steel when subjecting myself to this tripe. So, it's time to review the sequel to Ferngully.
Ah Ferngully. to be honest, you aren't really that bad an animated film. Which seemed rare to say considering this wasn't a Disney or 80's Don Bluth film. The music was decent, the story was actually interesting, even with its "save the rainforest" message. And dammit, Tim Curry kicked ass as Hexxus. Hell, his song "Toxic Love" is easily one of my favorite songs in any animated movie ever. Like Eric Idle, anything he touches still manages to remain awesome, even in a mildly terrible movie.
Hexxus owns
The movie managed to get some solid reviews from critics, and was a mild success. So naturally with the sudden interest in cheapquels by the late 90's, Fox had no problems unleashing a Ferngully sequel. Will it be more of a Lion King 2 than a Return of Jafar?
Here's a hint. Expect the Latter.
So, let's enter the Gully and review this damn thing.
We start the movie with the first song of the movie, and oh boy does it suck. Sounds less like a song that should start a movie, and more like something that would be the theme song for Ferngully: the animated series. I'll also say that while definitely showing the Cheapquel animation styling, it still doesn't look as bad as Nimh 2 in terms of a complete departure from the original.
As the song plays, the female fairy protagonist from the first movie Crysta is playing with a bunch of animals. Meanwhile, our male protagonist, the fairy known as Pips, is suffering from Jack Skellington syndrome. Essentially being sick of the same old routine. So he ends up having a contest of who can grow the bigger plant with Crysta, and ends up being emasculated as all male protagonists do. Crysta tries to teach the obligatory youngster character named Bark how to plant a tree in a matter of seconds, until Pips tells Bark that it's a stupid idea. He and his pals the Beetle boys....
You know this mispronunciation thing is starting to get mighty old.
Pips and the Beetle Boys are set to find something more constructive to do than play "Build a Wishing Tree" until they hear the sound of annoyance. It must be only one character.
It's Batty Koda..... And he's not voiced by Robin Williams....... And somehow he's more annoying.
He tries to warn them that humans are entering Ferngully, and wouldn't you know it, the insane talking bat is right, as two dogs attack our fairy heroes, and a jeep arrives, knocking down trees in its path, and out of the jeep steps out...
Percival McLeach's uglier relative? But it's no golden eagle he's after as he captures the Animal friends of our winged humanoid protagonists that may know magic. And if you were curious on the location of Ferngully, it's in Australia, as our poacher pal inspects his catch, being a wombat, bandicoot, and kangaroo. He informs his boss, who looks like an even balder and more evil Danny Devito of his catches, and they leave. Later we learn Not-Devito (Who i guess we're just gonna call boss) has a fear of bugs. Make a note of that because it may lead to hijinks to ensue later on. And because you demanded it it, during a conversation with Crocodile Flunkee, a spider bites him in the ass. not before we get to see his freakin' crack. Thanks movie, wasn't coming into this film thinking i needed to bleach my eyes again after Captain Lou in the buff, but i guess i have to now.
So, after that unnecessary waste of time, as the two incompetent guard dogs fall asleep, the captured animals try to make a break for it, as the fairies come to their aid. But while dealing with the bug paranoid boss, he accidentally drops his torch, setting the rainforest on fire, and causing the animals to be recaptured. As we also get momma Kangaroo's attempt for Oscar consideration.
My Baaaabyyyyyy!
Seriously, for as awful as this movie is, that is going to stay in my head forever as the greatest unintentionally funny moment ever.
So Fernfully burns to the ground, and Mrs. Kangaroo still attempts to be overly dramatic for a talking Kangaroo. So Pips decides to rally up the Beetle Boys, and try to save the babies. But Batty Koda wastes his breath in warning them about the humans. But since I believe all the fairies do is tune him out anyways, they head into town to go on the aforementioned Magical Rescue with Batty in tow.
Not before Crysta gives Bark, the littlest Beetle Boy some fairy dust that I guess will serve some important purpose later. And as the males depart on their mission, we get our 2nd song. a somber departing song. Not horrible, but not memorable either. It gets a pass. So they fly, and fly, and fly, and fly, until they reach a carnival. So, instead of heading into the city, they go there instead. Because why go find your animal friends when you can ride the teacups? And from there we get our next song. And it's pretty bad. It's trying to be the somewhat more fun song considering that they're at a carnival, but it still comes off as just blah. And we get a scene of one of the Beetle Boys flying into a cow turd. Ha Ha, Hee, Hee.
After the little romp of wacky fun, they remember what the hell they were even looking for, and then decide to pick things up in the morning. Because lord knows that if animal pals aren't fur coats by now, they probably won't be in the morning either.
Back to our villains, and more of Boss's phobia of the insect variety. More goofy antics, and a pointless failed escape from the kangaroo later, it's back to Crysta and the other fairies who are rebuilding Ferngully. She also saves one of the guard dogs who is caught in a bear trap. With the help from that lizard that was in the first movie for like a minute, they head to town. Back to the male heroes, who still don't know where the hell town is. That's when they discover a pair of clowns. A young girl named Budgie and her grandfather. After she falls off a unicycle, her Grandfather lectures her, and drives away without helping her up, as she cries uncontrollably.
Prick.
Pips talks to her, and she accidentally sends him head first into a pole. Apologetic, she puts him and the Beetle boys in her trailer until she comes back. Meanwhile, Batty just so happens to find the spot where the animals are being held. But since the rest of the heroes are getting adjusted to the glory of human technology, he goes alone. So the little bug guy tags along. Which does a good load of nothing as Batty gets captured. Bark informs the Beetle Boys, and they go to get Pips, who's talking to Budgie. And like every kid so far in these kind of movies, she suffers from "I'm no good at anything" syndrome.
From there it's back to the caged animals, who sing out next song. and like most of the songs in this thing, It's depressing, and annoying. I knew nothing was topping Toxic Love, but they could've at least tried. So halfway through the most depressing song in cheapquel history, Batty tries to cheer them up with his jaunty tune. Doesn't make the song any better, but at least I'm not depressed. But his attempt to cheer the crowd is in vain, as the animals are loaded on a truck and bound for Beverly...
Animal testing lab that is.
Cosmetic smears. Electric scars.
After finally remembering what the hell he was looking for again, Pips, and the gang decide to finally save the animals. So they stow a way on the truck, (or in Budgie's case, suicide dive on top of it.). As Budgie hangs on the back of the truck, they pass her neglectful Grandfather, who happens to notice her on the truck, and is on hot pursuit on his clown car. While that happens, the movie remembers side plot c, as Crysta and the dog sail the river on a log. Budgie frees the birds, but only frees Batty from the other animal cages when the angry Aussie sends her and the car speeding out of control, and headed off a cliff. But before we can see a dead child, Batty and Gramps come to her aid.
After Pips bitches about his absent mindedness, they continue their "Magical Rescue, as Gramps uses his clown car, which mas as well be called the freaking Gadget Mobile, to catch up to our poaching villains.
The poachers sell the animals, and are ready to put them on the ship, but the heroes intercept them, and recapture the animals. But the villains play a round of the claw game to try and grab the cages. And as Budgie ends up hanging for dear life again, Crysta and the dog finally show up in the nick of time. The two guard dog friends reunite, and do nothing to help the villains. Lamest guard dogs ever.
Just as things look bleak, and the villains have finally escaped, Crysta turns the ropes holding the ship into vines, and Bark finally puts the fairy dust to use, as he makes a tree that tangles the villains, frees the animals, and stops the ship. And to add another piece of pointless suspense the caged Kangaroo falls into the water, and almost drowns. Yet, don't worry, he survives. The animals are reunited, Ferngully returns to normal, and the credits roll.
And that's Ferngully 2. Pretty awful. Music sucks, animation's mildly decent, the story is dull, and lacks any real interesting moments like the first one did, and The lack of a villain the level of awesome like Hexxus just kills the whole thing dead in the water. Another shining example of how awful the cheapquel really is.
And with that, I think Ii'm going to give the cheapquels a break for a while. I mean there's gotta be some crap to review that's far worse..
*Inaudible whispers*
Yeah. I see... Wait, what are you talking about.....
*whispers continue*
GILLIGAN'S WHAT!???