Ranking All 22 Short Films About Springfield

Today we're going to have a little bit of fun here on the blog and celebrate one of the all time greatest Simpsons episodes, the seminal season seven classic "22 Short Films About Springfield." Inspired by "22 Short Films About Glenn Gould" and the classic "The Adventures of Ned Flanders" short from the season four episode "The Front", this episode dedicates itself to peering on the lives of many of the beloved residents of Springfield, and their many misadventures. And to celebrate this, I'm going to rank each short story from lowest to highest to see what is the truly greatest bit in this 22 minute opus. Now I won't count the Bart and Milhouse bits as they feel like wraparounds, nor does Professor Frink get his due as he doesn't make the cut in time. And even without those two, we actually have 12 stories to cover. So get off the dang roof, and sit down for an unforgettable luncheon of rankery.

#12. Reverend Lovejoy

Of all the bits in the episode that feels the most forgettable, it's easily the gag with Reverend Lovejoy getting his dog to dump on the lawn of Ned Flanders. I do like that it continues to play up the good reverend's known contempt for Ned, but it feels like the one that if it were removed and replaced by the originally planned Lionel Hutz short, it wouldn't have felt like a lost sacrifice.

#11. Bumblebee Man

This short is low on the list as it's one that kind of suffers from being pretty forgettable similar to the Lovejoy bit. Only in this case, it's because this bit was cut in syndication. We see that the beloved Spanish star is victim to comical pain and suffering in his life away from the television camera. Depressingly so. I mean we end the bit with his house destroyed, his wife divorcing him, and life going on. In the end, a decent bit, but not the most hilarious.

#10. Apu

I think it's suddenly become the norm to not like Apu. And as a white person, I feel that I have no dog in this fight, nor is it a hill I'd die on. Regardless how you feel about the jolly Bengali, his short is pretty fun as we see his true mastery of getting the full party experience in five minutes or less. Unfortunately the four minutes spent came at the expense of Hans Moleman who gets stuck in the Kwik-E-Mart, but he'd just waste that time anyway. A fun opening bit to get the episode rolling on the right foot.

#9. Moe and Barney

While more of a quick gag about Barney's bar tab being sent to NASA to be calculated (along with a rather dark Voyager joke), this one may not be as dynamic as the others we've mentioned, but it does get the ball rolling for one of the other stories in the episode as Snake robs Moe's Tavern and Moe may or may not have died from lack of oxygen in his bullet proof panic room. Well, it's better than his later incarnation where he just became the show's go-to for suicide jokes.

#.8 Homer and Maggie

No episode would be complete without Homer, and while his skit is one of the least integral, it's still a cute little bit as Homer juggles groceries, walking Santa's Little Helper and carrying Maggie. When he tries to get a newspaper, he ends up locking Maggie in the newspaper box. Cute little newspaper gag that always stuck with me "Deadbeat Dad Beat Dead", and a cute ending with Homer, so inept at just getting a fresh quarter (since he wrecked the others at the train tracks apparently) that he pulls the newspaper box out of the ground and Maggie just lives in there for the rest of the episode. Kind of a low key bit for Homer, but this episode is about the rest of the show's case, so he shouldn't be a heavy focus.

#7. Lisa

And now on to one of the shorts that gets the most focus in the episode, to the point of getting three segments. After Bart throws gum in Lisa's hair, she has to try and get it out. Marge's attempt to put multiple condiments to get it out turns out a bad idea when bees attack her (and one ending up ailing Smithers). Later, the majority of Springfield give their own bad advice as to ridding the gum (shout out to my boy Handsome Pete being featured). Lisa ultimately ends up getting a haircut that makes her look like a normal person... only for Nelson to laugh at her. But she does get her revenge of sorts by the end. Fun little bit and a good use of the characters who didn't get any real focus in this episode.

#6. Mr. Burns and Smithers

Next up, continuing from the first act of Lisa's story sees Burns and Smithers out on a bike ride together (Albeit Smithers doing all of the heavy work as expected). A bee stings Smithers, causing him to suffer an allergic reaction. Monty, being impotent in all areas of physicality, is still smart enough to get Smithers to pedal himself into the hospital. And it all ends on one of my favorite bits ever with Burns being carried into the hospital while Dr. Nick throws change at Smithers thinking he needs booze. Honestly, you could have done a longer bit with these two and I'd have loved it, but what we get is still spectacular stuff from peak Burns era.

#5. Dr. Nick

Speaking of Dr. Nick, Hi Everybody! He takes the fifth place spot with this classic of a segment that shows that even though he's perhaps the worst doctor ever, even he can seem to get it right now and then. I love the feel of this bit, how it starts with Dr. Nick being chastised for his many shady dealings (misuse of the cadavers for example), then feels like we've gone into an episode of E.R as Dr. Nick has to calm down Grampa who's straight up waving a scalpel around like a maniac. Some good animation in this segment, along with a fun ending where Nick's terrible doctoring still manages to save the day in the end.

#4. Cletus The Slack-Jawed Yokel

I'll admit this one's up high for two main reasons. One being "Hey Ma! Get off the Dang Roof!" and the other for the amazing theme song given to Cletus. I mean, most folk'll never lose a toe but then again some folk'll. It's also the first appearance of Cletus' wife Brandine (Voiced by the great Tresse Macneille). Cletus finds a pair of boots that Brandine can use for her job interview. Unfortunately for our hero, those boots will just end up scuffing up the topless dancing runway.

#3. Nelson and the Very Tall Man

Taking home the bronze is one of the show's finest moments as after all the years of laughing at everyone else's misfortunes, Nelson Muntz finally gets his comeuppance as he ends up laughing at one person too many. When the very tall man exits his very tiny vehicle, he makes sure to give Nelson a taste of his own medicine by pulling his shorts down and forcing Nelson to march to the "Ha-Ha's" of the jeering crowd. Truly a feel good moment and a strong way to end such a fun episode.

#2. The Pulp Fiction Parody

I'll level with you. I have actually never seen Pulp Fiction as of this writing, so I don't exactly get the references within, but regardless, of all the shorts in this episode, this is the one with the most intrigue. Technically starting when Snake robs Moe's, we start the parody proper with Chief Wiggum, Lou and Eddie learning about the differences between Krusty Burger and this strange restaurant named McDonald's. After Snake pulls a hit and run on Wiggum, the pair end up scuffling their way into Herman's shop, where he kidnaps the two by gunpoint, ties them up and sticks ball gags in their mouths. Before we can get to the gimp however (I know that reference), they're saved by Milhouse and Kirk, who were searching for a restroom to use (I omitted the comic book guy bit from my ranking since I always felt that one connected right with this one). It's a genuinely disturbing segment as well as if not for Millhouse with an arrant mace, god knows what Herman had planned for these guys.

#1. Steamed Hams

And taking the gold is the most obvious choice of them all, the brilliant near three minutes known a Steamed Hams. Principal Skinner invites Superintendent Chalmers to his house for an unforgettable luncheon. But when his roast is ruined, Skinner replaces the food with food from Krusty Burger. Oh and sets his house on fire in the process. What makes this one of the best segments ever is the insane depths of Skinner's BSing of the situation. When Chalmers sees the smoke coming out of the oven, Skinner claims it's steam from the steamed clams. But when he comes back with burgers, he continues his web of brilliant deceit by saying he said Steamed HAMS, a regional dialect from Albany, New York. I love how Chalmers, who so easily should be able to tell how full of crap Seymour is continues to be none the wiser and just seems more confused, even when he's denied the chance to see Aurora Borealis localized entirely within Skinner's kitchen. It's hilarious, it's quotable, it's so good it's become a meme at this point. It's truly a highlight of the series and easily the best part of "22 Short Films About Springfield."