We're nearing the Royal Rumble as we get a preview for both Shawn Michael's big announcement, plus another edition of Billionaire Ted's Wrasslin' War Room. Also on board tonight is a special edition of The Brother Love Show where Ted Dibiase will reveal his new Million Dollar Champion. Plus, Raw has a snazzy new intro, returning to the old theme song.
Opening action is Hakushi taking on Double J. Pre-match Jarrett says he has a new hit for his fans, but doesn't sing. Because he can't. Get it? Hakushi reverse a whip, but Jarrett dodges and lands a scoop slam, giving off his patented strut afterwards. Hakushi grabs Jarrett's leg and sweeps the other. He goes for the attack, but Jarrett sends him over the ropes. Hakushi recovers by getting a shoulder block off the buckle on Jarrett. Beautiful dropkick follows from Hakushi. However, Jarrett decides to walk off and get himself counted out. He then decides to change his mind, suckering Hakushi with a trip.
Back in the ring, Jarrett lands a clothesline and hits a clothesline. He sets Hakushi on the ropes and drops his weight as we go to break. When we return, it's Jarrett in the classic IRS" abdominal stretch with ropes" spot. The ref catches Jarrett allowing for Hakushi to hit a hiptoss. Jarrett comes back with a spinning neckbreaker. Hakushi ducks an elbow and lands a kick of his own. Jarrett avoids another dropkick and covers for two. Hakushi tries a slingshot, but Jarrett avoids, covering again for two. He transitions into a chinlock, with Hakushi escaping and sliding under Jarrett, landing a kick to the midsection. He lands a handspring elbow in the corner and a running forearm. Cover only gets a two. Haksuhi slams Jarrett and goes for the slingshot splash, but Jarrett gets his knees up, causing Hakushi to crash and burn. Figure Four gets a win for Jarrett in a decent match. Kinda slow placed, but still decent.
Jim Ross is doing the Slam Jam Report due to Dok Being caught in the snow storm. We have several new names added to the Royal Rumble, including...
Doug "Jerry Lawler, you raped a little 14-year old girl" Gilbert
And Jake "The Snake" Roberts, making his return to the WWF since his exit in 1992. Lawler, Fatu and Isaac Yankem are added as well. We also get anotehr vignette for Vader as he's approaching his debut in the Royal Rumble.
Scheme Gene is also here to add nothing.
Ahmed Johnson is up next against Jeff Brettler. A man that I swear is wrestling in what look to be kitchen curtains turned into pants. Brettler tries a strike on Ahmed, but to no avail. He tries again and gets hit with one of the scariest suplexes I've ever seen. Clothesline and an ax kick by Ahmed, who is already looking to be insanely unsafe. Pump kick followed by a Spinebuster and the Pearl River Plunge gets the quick win for Ahmed. Jarrett tries to nail Ahmed with the guitar, but misses, and runs away. Ahmed smashes the guitar over the post and leaves.
We get an ad for next week's Raw which will feature Undertaker taking on Isaac Yankem. Part of me chuckles that we actually get Undertaker vs Kane over a year before the Kane character is created.
Up next, it's the Brother Love Show with Ted Dibiase. Ted has searched for someone who would exemplify a good million dollar champion. But finally he has found him. And no, it's not Xanta Claus. That ship mercifully has sailed. It's none other than... The Ringmaster! Holy crap, it took us three whole years, but finally we get to talk about Steve Austin.
Austin made his debut in professional wrestling in 1989, training under Gentmeman Chris Adams. Austin worked early on in WCCW, USWA and CWA before making his name in WCW as "Stunning Steve Austin", becoming a world television champion two times, and forming a tag team known as the "Hollywood Blondes" with Flyin' Brian Pillman that would succeed with both a WCW world tag title run as well as an NWA world tag title run. After a triceps injury in Japan in 1995, Austin was fired via fax by Eric Bischoff.
Austin landed in ECW referring to himself as "Superstar" Steve Austin, and was allowed to pull no punches about his long standing issues with the politics in WCW. This includes my favorite wrestling shoot ever where Austin vented his frustration about constantly asking to do work with Hogan, Savage, Sting and others while constantly being told "that's not for you brother, we're going to leave you right where you're at." It's perhaps the best example at the time of just how badly the inmates were running the WCW asylum at the time. Austin worked a couple matches with ECW before being given a shot in the WWF thanks to the help of Diesel and Jim Ross convincing Vince to give him a shot. And the debut of the man who would change the wrestling landscape...
Is with a blonde buzz cut, generic green trunks and a pair of white boots, being randomly called The Ringmaster. Oh boy. They're trying to sell him as a great technical wrestler, which is true, but still. Dibiase crowns Ringmaster with the Million Dollar Championship. Ringmaster raises his hand and tells the people in tv land to touch the screen and feel what it's like to be destined for success and born a champion. He says that he's in the Royal Rumble and he'll toss every single WWF superstar over the ropes and getting a title shot at Wrestlemania. Bad gimmick as it is, at least you get to see Austin's natural charisma in action.
Goldust is in action next against Aldo Montoya (boy, it's been a while since we've seen him). Mind games on Razor have continued over the past weekend as he's now sent Razor a Goldust teddy bear. Goldust attacks Aldo from behind and whips him hard into the buckle. Back suplex follows and a suplex as Lawler makes a 12 Monkeys joke about Stu and Helen Hart's grandchildren. Goldust continues to stomp at Aldo and gets a boot to the ribs. Aldo ducks a clothesline and hits one of his own. He hits some strikes and lands a back body drop. Goldust catches him and drops him with a reverse DDT for the win in a decent squash.
We're back with the Slam Jam with Jim Ross as we cut to the press conference with Shawn Michaels. Shawn says that his doctors think he shouldn't compete anymore, but he's not going to listen to them and is instead competing in the 1996 Royal Rumble. He promises that whoever is champion will be giving the title to the next man who will carry the title to the new millenium, Shawn Michaels.
Scheme Gene says he knows another big name for the Rumble, but he's saving it for the hotline. So, we're just taking digs at the WCW hotline then. Vince you carny prick, you were shilling your own superstar line for months. Yes, Okerlund was known for revealing spoilers, but don't tell me this isn't something Vince would have pulled. I guess Vince really does want your dollar that badly.
After some words from the superstars about Shawn's entrance in the Rumble, we then go to the Bret Hart/British Bulldog match from In Your House 5. We covered it, so we can move forward.
Quick promo from Paul Bearer and Undertaker who say that Bret was a grand and glorious champion. But the creatures of the night have spoken, and he will deliver.
We end Raw once again with "Billionaire Ted's Wrasslin War Room." This week it's slogans, as it's just a bunch of jokes about how WCW just stole everything and lie, and goes in deep by saying that WCW doesn't take steroid tests so they are where the big boys play. I have never cringed more in any segment than I have this. And I had to sit through Harvey Whippleman and Howard Finkel in a tuxedo match.
An average edition of Raw honestly. Save for the debut of Austin as The Ringmaster, there wasn't much to the in-ring this week. An okay Hakushi vs Jarrett match and a decent Goldust squash, plus a downright scary Ahmed squash. Kinda hoping this is the end of replaying whole PPV matches as I'd rather devote more time to talking about Raw than having to skip large chunks. Plus, this Billionaire Ted stuff. My god is Vince a petty, small human being. Final Rating for this Raw is a C-. Watch for the Austin Debut at least.
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