Monday, May 15, 2017

5 Childhood Traumas From Media

Lately I've noticed a trend of popular youtubers making videos listing some of their childhood traumas stemming from parts of popular culture. It really started with yourmoviesucks.org's multi-part video, and since then the likes of Chris Stuckmann, I Hate Everything, Caddicarus and more have jumped on proverbial heebie jeebie bandwagon. And I feel it's only fair to take a look at a few of my own. I was a wuss of a kid, and a lot of stuff scared me. Maybe it's being very impressionable, maybe it's just being too young to comprehend certain things. Either way, I was easily spooked by a lot of things. I could probably write forever on the subject, but I instead chose to pluck out five in particular that I remember being prevalent. If there's later interest, I'll probably open up to a few more. So, with the preamble out of the way, let's get started.



#1. Hexadecimal from ReBoot.


This is one I made well known back when I covered the whole ReBoot series. ReBoot was a great cartoon. One of my favorites from the 90's. But if there was one thing that scared me intially about it, it was Hex. Why? It ranges on a lot of reasons. The fact that this was the first fully CG cartoon of the time, so I wasn't used to animation like ReBoot, mixed with this psychotic character with a creepy white mask that could change moods on a whim. From happy and calm to immediately angry or psychotic. Hex was a total wildcard, fitting of her moniker "the queen of chaos". And that laugh. Oh man, that laugh. Pure nightmare fuel. On par with some of the best maniacal villain laughs. 


But, as evident by the fact that I reviewed the whole show, I did eventually go from fearing Hex to sympathizing with her. Especially in season 3 when she gets nearly killed from a falling game cube, and being used as a weapon by Megabyte. When Bob heals her, and finally turns her mask into a moving face, her finally becoming whole, it's an actual feel good moment. Hex went from a product of my trauma to my favorite character on the show. A character who started a maniacal villain and ended as a hero, saving the entire net from the supervirus Daemon. A great character arc for a show with some excellent arcs within. 

#2. The Early Teletoon Bumpers/ABC's "After These Messages"


Lumping these two together since they fit in the same topic. Teletoon, the Canadian equivalent to Cartoon Network, made its debut almost 20 years ago. I don't remember much of the early schedule. I do remember the first show airing being Caillou, so... yay? But what I remember vividly from my childhood was the bumpers. Some where decent like the morning and afternoon block bumpers. The evening bumpers were a bit more offputting with their magazine clip art design. But then there was the night ones. Holy crap these screwed with me. First one being the guy who sees a boot in an alleyway that actually is the tentacle of a weird alien. And then there's the baby carriage with the creepy baby face that hatches into a monster. I remember having to actively turn the channel or turn down the volume and look away whenever Duckman went to commercial break. 



Bumpers and I have a long history with me, to be honest. Similar bumpers that creeped me out as a kid were the ABC "After these Messages" bumpers. Definitely a stark contrast from the Teletoon bumpers as these  one are definitely more fun and cheerful. But I remember being creeped the hell out by them when I was a kid. See, this bumpers started in 1988, and I would have been three or four when I first laid eyes on them. And I remember they did freak me out. Particularly the Hydrant scaring the dog and the singers whose heads falls off and go on the wrong bodies. Add in the fact that stop motion has always freaked me out a tad, and that might explain it. Now, I love coming back to these classic bumpers, and I appreciate the great work done by Olive Jar Animation, who also provided bumpers for the likes of MTV and Nickelodeon. 

#3. Shining Time Station: Mr. Conductor Gets Left Out


So, let's get to one that was definitely creepy to me in hindsight as a kid. One that I actually completely forgot about before seeing these trauma videos pop up. And it's from the kids show "Shining Time Station." A staple show of my childhood and the first exposure to me (And I assume most American kids) to Thomas the Tank Engine. And you really can't go wrong with a show that has Ringo Starr and later George Carlin as Mr. Conductor. Generally the show was pretty harmless, and nothing in it would be considered creepy, up until one season 3 episode. 


The episode sees Schemer, the local con man always out to make a quick nickel, install television sets at the station. The kid begin to love watching television so much that they start to ignore Mr. Conductor and are no longer interested in his stories. Essentially every hypocritical "television is dangerous" lesson. It all goes well and good, until the kids go full couch potato, and THIS happens!



In hindsight as an adult, this is pretty tame, just spiral effects over the kids eyes. But when I was young, I remember this freaked the hell out of me. There was really no set up to this happening so suddenly. You see the kids look normal for the whole episode, then in this one shot you see of them, it's freaky hypno-eyeballs. It was so unexpected from a show that was pretty tame and friendly. Maybe the concept of swirl eyes has always creeped me out a bit as I've never been too fond of what I guess could be considered eye horror. Definitely one that I can understand why it freaked me out, but one I really don't even flinch with as I'm much older. Shining Time was a great show, and definitely worth the look back at least for a nostalgic glance. Though, don't let yourself turn into a couch potato. 

#4. Ronald McDonald... Specifically a Ronald Statue


Now, this is one of the earliest scares I remember having and one that has stuck with me. I had to have been at least four or five at the time when this happens. Backstory on my feelings on clowns is that I don't find most clowns scary. Creepy ones like Pennywise definitely, but not most clowns. Ronald was an exception as I did find him to be very creepy, but he was never really nightmare inducing. With one exception. Our McDonalds back in the 80's and early 90's would have a Ronald McDonald statue near the parking lot. Not sure if it's exactly like the one I used above, as I think it had both arms outstretched.

 I remember specifically being left in the car in the parking lot and seeing Ronald out the window and being scared out of my mind. I specifically remember being in a panic. It was the scariest thing I think I had seen at that point.  Although any other time I was near McDonalds or saw the statue after that, I don't remember being scared of it, or at least anywhere nearly as bad as that first encounter. And considering I had McNuggets today, I can say that while we got off on the wrong foot, I do appreciate the clown a bit more (even if my arteries don't). 

#5. Who Framed Roger Rabbit: Judge Doom


Let's go out on a classic, and one I know a lot of people also had a fear of. Who Framed Roger Rabbit is a brilliant movie. Never before or since has there been a movie that so seamlessly blended both live action and animation to make it feel like humans and Toons exists in the same universe. Bob Hoskins's gruff yet lovable dick Eddie Valiant is one of the best protagonists in film history. But Christopher Lloyd's Judge Doom was just so great. Cold and callous. Willing to submerge a poor innocent cartoon shoe in the deadly dip without flinching. But it's not the senseless shoe murder that put him on this list. It's the end of the movie. 


After being run over by a steamroller, we learn of Judge Doom's true identity. That he's really a toon. Specifically, the toon that killed Eddie's brother. I remember this vividly. I enjoyed the movie up until this part, and when Doom's voice got higher and higher, shriller and shriller and hist eyes started freakishly bugging out... 


I remember literally bolting out of the room at lightning speed and not coming back in until that SOB was dead. Unlike something like Shining Time Station, this was something that you could have expected to happen in a movie like this, especially with all the insanity that built up to it. I remember not watching this ending for years until I gathered the courage to do so, and while I definitely see what got me (again, creepy eyes will do it for me, especially with how erratic they get), I can admit to myself that this one was definitely not worth getting as freaked out over. I deprived myself of a great finale to a great movie. Ah well, live and learn.


And that wraps up five media traumas. Definitely an eclectic list here. I definitely discovered that I had some sort of eye phobia, found stop motion disturbing, had a fear of fast food clown statues and couldn't stand the queen of chaos. There's definitely a lot more I could look at and would like to in the near future if there's enough interest in wanting me to continue. Until then, thanks for reading and I hope this opened up some long hidden fears in your own head. 

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