A Taste of the New Generation: Boyhood Dreams: WWF Monday Night Raw: January 1st, 1996

Happy new year, everybody! But never mind your Auld Lang Syne, it's time for some football! Wrestling-related football that is. It's the first (and only) WWF Raw Bowl. Going full on football references as we have four teams vying to win a trophy. All the stars will be here. Diesel! King Mabel!

The Nacho Man?

The Huckster?

Scheme Gene?

Billionaire Ted? What the hell? Oh just you wait a little bit and we'll get into this. 

Vince went full out with this crap as we have a band playing, a banner ready to be ripped, a football-themed ring mat, the whole magilla. It's Vin McMahon and Jerry Musburgerking on commentary (okay that was actually kinda clever).

Opening action is the Raw Bowl match. A four-way tag team match. A team is eliminated by pin, submission, count out, or DQ. Any team can call one time-out if they need. Any other team member can be tagged back in. In other words, a fatal four-way elimination match with a whole lot of added bollocks.

Before Savio and Razor make it to the ring, Goldust's usher hands Razor a box of flowers. Razor immediately smashes the usher with the flowers and beats on him as Goldust watches, making kiss motions.

Starting action is Owen and Bart. Bart wins the tackle off and hits some arm drags and a dropkicks. Owen quickly tagged in Billy, and thus it means member vs member.  Headlock by Bart, but Billy avoids a hiptoss. They choose instead to tag both Owen and Yoko. Owen ducks clotheslines, but his attempt to shoulder block is ineffective to say the least. Owen quickly tags in Savio. Savio gets in some strikes, but gets caught with an elbow. Yoko tries an elbow, but Savio dodges. Savio however gets caught with a big body slam. Yoko tags in the Kid as we see Goldust watching on. Savio ducks a spin kick and hits a clothesline, covering for two.

Savio gets a spin kick of his own. Cover, but Sid makes the save. Kid tags in Owen who eats a clothesline from Savio, only for Savio to get caught by a spin kick. Cover only gets two. Savio tags in Razor as King ogles the Raw bowl queen. Tag to Bart. Headlock and a shoulder block from Razor who covers for two. Tag to Savio who tags in Sid. He chokes Bart in the ropes and then tries a clothesline, only to be hit with a massive one. Cover only gets a two. Big suplex by Bart who covers for two. Sid avoids an elbow drop and kicks Bart into the corner as Bart tags back in Savio. Savio tries a slam, but Sid overpowers him. Tag back to Owen who hits an enziguri to Savio. Cover only gets a two. Tag to Yoko who beats down Savio as we go to break.

When we return, Owen is tagged in an tries for a sharpshooter, but no luck. Tag to the Kid who hits a big spin kick. Tags back and forth to Yoko and Kid while we see that Brother Love is still giving a speech to the heels in the locker room. Kid tries a dropkick in the corner, but Savio avoids, causing Kid to get hung up on the ropes. Tag to Sid then a quick tab back to the Kid who hits a few strikes and a body slam. Kid tries an elbow, but Savio avoids. Savio makes the tag to Razor as Razor gets some strikes in on his former friend including a fallaway slam. He calls for a Razor's Edge, but the Kid calls for a time out. Razor opts instead to forego the time out and hits the Razor's Edge. Referee Hebner is distracted by Dibiase as Sid comes in and gets a cheap shot on Razor. Cover by the Kid gets the elimination on Razor and Savio.

Sid and Kid double team Bart as Sid comes in. He tags in Owen, allowing for some cheap shots on Bart. He rams Bart into the corner and lands some shoulder blocks and a suplex. Cover by Owen only gets a two. Knee to the midsection of Bart and a boot to the lower area. Bart gets a roll up on Owen, but Owen kicks out. Big slam by Owen who goes up for the diving headbutt, but Bart avoids. Bart tags in Billy who stiff shots everyone, even laying a shot on Cornette. Cheap shot by Sid leads to Owen getting a neckbreaker on Bart. He sets Billy up for the Banzai Drop, but...

Bart drags Billy out of the way which trips Owen, which causes him to get squashed by the Banzai Drop. Despite Yoko's attempt to call time out, Billy still gets the three count and the elimination, leaving us with the Smoking Gunns and the Million Dollar Corporation. Sid immediately starts stomping down at Billy. Sid starts hitting some rights on Billy and boots him in the ropes. The Kid gets in some cheap shots as well. In comes the Kid who hits a corner dropkick, followed by a Sid clothesline. Cover only gets a two however. Billy ducks a clothesline but eats a massive boot from Sid.  He follows with a leg drop. Cover, but Billy still kicks out.

Billy gets a roll up, but Sid kicks out at two. More clubbing blows from Sid, but Billy comes back with some of his own. Billy ducks a clothesline, but gets caught in a massive one hand chokeslam. Sid boots Bart out of the ring and calls for the Kid, but Razor returns and throws him into Sid. Cover by Billy gets the win for the Smoking Gunns.

A really good match, even with the goofy gimmick added. Everyone got to look good throughout, the action never felt bogged down with rest holds or lengthy "face in peril" spots, we continue storylines all around with past history from all the members involved from the match. We also continue the Razor/Goldust angle as well. I was expecting a mess, but ended up enjoying what I got.  But once again, it's time to say goodbye... for now. This is it for Sid for a little while due to him suffering a neck injury that will take him out for a good chunk of 1996. We'll see him again soon enough.

It's the "Wrigley's Halfrime Report" with Dok Hendrix. He craps on real halftime reports as he shills the rest of the show, including Mabel and Diesel. We go to "Jumbo" Jim Ross who says that Diesel promises to to kick Mabel's butt tonight. We then go into the Royal Rumble event. Our card:

Bret Hart vs the Undertaker

Ahmed Johnson vs Jeff Jarrett

The Royal Rumble Match

For some reason the show decides to kill time replaying the hog pen match. We already covered this, so let's move on. And then next week they're airing Bret vs Bulldog. Augh!

Up next, it's Diesel vs King Mabel. The Hardys can be spotted lifting Mabel to the ring. So, how to cover this match? Well, I guess I can get it all in one gif.

Yep. An eight second match. If the loss in the casket match wasn't proof that Mabel's push is dead, then this is the final nail in the coffin.

Mo eats the Jackknife. Diesel celebrates by looking for the fans with black gloves. Lawler tries to interview him, but Diesel leaves with the Raw Bowl queen, much to the anger of the King.

We go backstage as the Smoking Gunns and other faces are celebrating the Raw Bowl win. Brooklyn Brawler decides to show up and award the Gunns with the prestigious "Lombardi Trophy". As in, Steve Lombardi. The Gunns break the trophy, then attack the Brawler, pouring a Lipton Tea cooler over him.

We get a massive reveal for the 1996 Royal Rumble that was teased over the evening. Added to the match already are Owen Hart, Diesel, Bulldog, Savio, King Mabel, Dory Funk Jr (really?), Barry Horowitz, Yokozuna, Tatanka (Dammit!), Bam Bam (which as we've stated before doesn't happen as Bam Bam's gone), And finally...

Freakin' Vader! Which means it's time! It's time! It's profile time!

Before making it into wrestling, Leon White had a successful football career. A defensive lineman for the University of Colorado and a former NFL star, playing for the Los Angeles Rams for two seasons, even making it to Superbowl XIV. But due to a ruptured patella, White had to retire from football. He would find his true calling in professional wrestling. Finding some early success in the AWA, it was his move to Japan that helped create the Big Van Vader character and where some of his biggest matches and feuds came from, including an infamous match with Stan Hansen that saw Vader's eye pop out of the socket. Vader would capture New Japan's IWGP championship on three separate occasions and even won the tag titles with our ol' buddy Bam Bam. But it was WCW that helped make Vader a star stateside as Vader would win the WCW US Title along with have three runs with the WCW World Championship. Coincidentally, just as Nitro was starting up, Vader was fired from WCW after a locker room fight with Paul Orndorff. And since WWF is in need of big stars, they've hired him in hopes of making a new monster heel. After the rough year with King Mabel, it's a definite step up.

But we end Raw with "Billionaire Ted's Wrasslin' War Room".  You ever want to know just how petty Vince McMahon is? These parody videos write up Ted Turner as an inept man and hiring old hack wrestlers (guys who helped make the WWF famous BTW) who can't cut it doing modern wrestling moves. They're too old and weak and can only get by doing their classic poses. This one's pretty tame, but this is going to get much worse as we go forward.

Also, for the uninitiated, we're going to be talking a lot more about this guy very soon, bro.

And that's the Raw Bowl. A very interesting show indeed. At first like that they went full bore with the idea instead of half assing it, but then I remember they just slapped a whole In Your House match in the middle of the show, so I can't exactly say that they didn't half ass this show some. What a conundrum. But the presentation was still pretty unique. As a non-football fan this really wasn't something that I want to see ever again, but I give them credit for trying something different, which is a massive problem the WWF has in this era (hell, in 2017 WWE at that). The Raw Bowl match was great as said with everyone getting a chance to look good and the match never feeling too slow. Diesel vs Mabel was the ultimate example of Mabel's push being over, and Billionaire Ted's War Room was petty and sad. And the worst thing is we got more of these to come as we inch ever closer to Wrestlemania XII. In the end, the Raw Bowl wasn't a total touchdown, but it does win with a B rating. Worth the watch for the spectacle, but the quality within is middling at best.