Gooseblog: Goosebumps #32: The Barking Ghost

And we have now officially entered the latter half of the original 62 Goosebumps books. After all the mayhem we've endured within the first 31 books, the remaining batch are just as bizarre. And we kick it off with a book that R.L Stine himself said that he wasn't a fan of. So yeah, coming in strong. It's The Barking Ghost AKA Grab Bag.

COVER STORY

This cover is fine. Nothing outstanding, but fine. I do think the dog looks menacing and scary, but I don't know why, but it also kind of looks a bit goofy. Maybe it's the eyes being kind of off, or the big cranium with the beady face. I mean, I think this cover did creep me out as a kid, but looking at it now makes me think that it feels like a rush job. I guess though if you want to sell a book called "The Barking Ghost", it still does a fine enough job then. Otherwise, it's okay at best.

STORY

Cooper Holmes is our story's protagonist. He's a full on scaredy cat, frightened of everything. It doesn't help matters that his family have just moved into a new house (though not a dead house) deep in the woods of Maine. Well, no wonder he's paranoid, he's in a Stephen King book! After being frightened by a bunny rabbit (Well I said he was a scaredy cat), he goes to the bathroom to towel off his fear sweat and thinks about his massive snow dome collection and how his OCD demanded he have his room exactly like it was in the old house. He thinks he sees something threatening outside, so he opens his window and tosses a ball at it, only to realize he just saved his family from a deadly garden hose. Hoo god, this kid is a loser.

But his paranoia is made no better by his bully of an older brother Mickey. Who loves to play games like "hide under his brother's bed and scare him... BY STRANGLING HIM WITH HIS TWO BARE HANDS!!!" And he does this knowing that Cooper bruises easily, even leaving red marks around his neck. Well, of all the things I thought I'd come back to, I didn't think attempted murder by chapter 3. The parents break up the kids arguing, and say they both were to blame. Yes, blame Cooper for having such a supple, stranglable neck. Goosebumps parents, how I've missed you! Cooper tries to go back to sleep, but begins to hear barking noises. It sounds too real to be Mickey, in fact it sounds like two dogs, so he looks out the window. However, he doesn't see anything. 

The next day, "Super Cooper" decides that he'll venture into the woods to see if he can find the dogs he heard the other night. However, in his search, he doesn't find any sign of dogs being in the area. No paw prints, no dog poop, nothing. He searches for so long that he ends up lost in the forest. And, to remind you that this kid is scared of everything, he gets scared by a falling leaf. But then a redheaded girl sneaks up behind Cooper and gives him a fright. Her name is Margaret Ferguson, or as she's normally called, Fergie. *checks calendar* 2018. I guess a "my humps" joke would be considered too dated, even for myself. Fergie seems to be hiding something, unwilling to talk about how long she's been around, and also mentioning that she knows about the dogs that Cooper's been on about.

She runs off and Cooper catches up, trying to get an answer about the dogs, but she acts as if she never said anything, trying to change the subject. She gets serious and tells Cooper to tell his parents to leave at once. The woods are haunted and they're all in grave danger. As Cooper heads home, he sees a pair of black Labrador Retrievers start to chase him. When he gets home to tell his dad, he sees that the dogs are nowhere to be seen. He tries to get his dad to move them back to Boston, but of course, the dad just thinks he's getting all worked up. Cooper sees the dogs again for a brief second, but now thinks that this whole thing is just his imagination on overdrive. That night, he thinks he hears dogs in the house, but gets greeted by Mickey, who just picks on him some more, thinking that this whole thing is just so Cooper can go back home to be with his old friends.

The next day, Fergie shows up and confesses to Cooper that the whole dog thing was Mickey's idea. That he told her to get Cooper frightened and paranoid. However, when Cooper asks about her mentioning dogs, she still claims to not remember saying anything about them. He uses this to actually get a scare in on Fergie. But before he can celebrate, he sees Mickey all bloodied up, collapsing in a heap. However, surprise! It's another prank. Granted, tamer than trying to strangle him in his sleep, but a prank nonetheless. Cooper, finally sick of all this, actually attacks Mickey, biting him in the arm and sending him in retreat. As Fergie leaves, Cooper looks at the stream close to him and sees what appears to be a dog's reflection, but no dog to be seen.

Another day comes, and Cooper, having overslept, enters his kitchen. However he sees the two Labs from earlier. He panics, worrying they're going to get him, but they end up stealing his lunch instead. The parents, much like the parents of our last book, think Cooper is losing his mind and suggest sending him to therapy. Like I said, Goosebumps parents are the dirt worst. Later on, Fergie and Cooper try to get revenge on Mickey, but Mickey, being an evil genius, manages to get the better of the two. As the kids leave dejected, they see what appears to be glowing red eyes in the living room. However, when the parents show up, they again are being treated like they're psychotic. Fergie, now believing Cooper's stories about ghost dogs, goes with him to get answers once and for all.

However, it doesn't take too long for the dogs to catch them, and trap the two kids. But the dogs don't attack them. Instead they lead the kids to an old wooden shack. When the kids walk in however, it turns out the shack has no floor, and they fall with a painful thud. The dogs then start to talk, saying that they aren't actually dogs, but humans. Centuries ago, a spell was placed on the two of them that changed them into dogs, but now they have found the perfect bodies to swap with. This shack is actually a "changing room". Before the kids can grasp what's going on however, they suddenly feel strange, and they soon find themselves in their new dog bodies, with their human bodies being controlled by the two "ghosts". I think I see why Stine didn't like this one.

The two kids are at least psychically connected, so they can communicate with each other. Besides that, they're completely canine, right down to the colorblindness. Now, the clear thing they should be doing is trying to figure out what to do to get their bodies back, but of course they use their new forms to scare Mickey, which I guess is warranted at this point. They try to get Cooper's dad's attention, but they just bark like crazy. And, of course, Dad never figures these to be the ghost dogs that his son has been frightened about. Because Goosebumps parents. The kids then try to write a note, despite being dogs, and that being kind of impossible. Then they jump on the dinner table and make a scene, which also doesn't help their cause. So, they finally decide the logical thing is to attack the fake Fergie and Cooper, chasing them back to the changing room. 

TWIST ENDING

The kids manage to tackle the impostors into the changing room, and the swapping happens again. However, when Cooper and Fergie awaken, they still see their bodies leaving. They then realize that the changing worked, but now they've been turned into Chipmunks! Cooper decides that they should just give up and start harvesting acorns instead. Winter's coming soon after all! Wah-wah!

CONCLUSION

I remember listening to an NPR interview with R.L Stine ages ago where he stated that he didn't like this book. That he felt it didn't come off as well as he'd hoped. And I can actually see that in this book's execution. The book seems to want to build to an interesting ghost story, but immediately loses itself by the middle of the book. Then, in an attempt to build some sort of interesting climax to the story, Stine throws in random body swap by the end, and even that doesn't seem to have enough time to leave any real impact. It feels like Stine wrote himself into a corner. He didn't put much thought into the concept of the ghost dogs, and when we get an explanation, it's so rushed that it really doesn't explain anything.

They were enchanted by a spell that turned them into dogs. Why? We're never given any explanation as to what they did to deserve this curse. They've waited centuries to find two kids to swap bodies with? Why did it take that long, and why conveniently Cooper and Fergie? Also, how do they know this changing room even still works if they haven't tested it in centuries? You see what I'm getting at? The moment Stine brings up the changing room, this book falls down a cliff that it never recovers from. He built up all this stuff about ghost dogs, only for it to not matter at all in the end. And I'm sorry, but that's bad writing. The episode at least gives more explanation. The pair were robbers that were killed by dogs and somehow came back from the dead as dogs, looking for bodies to steal. That's something. And the twist is a bit more rewarding with Mickey being turned into the chipmunk instead of Cooper and Fergie, which, after all the torment, at least feels worth it. It's almost like the show, for all the flack it gets, is better at these stories than Stine is. Go fig.

And thus we're left with another grab bag book. However, unlike Piano Lessons Can Be Murder, The Barking Ghost never manages to make anything of lasting quality with the pieces being thrown together. Which is a shame because Stine's best work is usually ghost stories. This ultimately feels like a book that Stine lost total faith in, and by the end just winded up as a lazy throw out. Gotta make monthly quota. In the end, it's not a horrible book, just not a well put together one. The Barking Ghost gets a D.

A Taste of the New Generation: Chapter 3:16: WWF Monday Night Raw: June 24th, 1996

We're one day removed from the 1996 King of the Ring with Stone Cold Steve Austin taking the coveted crown. Tonight, Austin will go one on one with The Undertaker. But opening action tonight is the new Intercontinental Champion Ahmed Johnson taking on Hunter Hearst Helmsley (who gets a jobber entrance). Ahmed shoves Hunter off with ease then mocks him. Headlock by Hunter is turned around by Ahmed who begins arm work. Headlock and a shoulder block spot follows. Ahmed continues to twist the head of Hunter in a headlock until Hunter breaks free and tries a hiptoss, only to take a stiff clothesline. Ahmed tries a clothesline over the ropes, but Hunter pulls the ropes causing the champ to take a rough tumble.

Baseball slide by Hunter knocks Ahmed by the announce tables. He follows up by throwing Ahmed shoulder-first into the steps, follows by a throw into the ring post. Hunter brings him back in then goes up top, landing an ax handle to the back. Cover, but only two (a super slow count from Harvey Whippleman).  We get an interview from Goldust who quotes Terminator saying that he'll be back. He made a mistake in saving Ahmed Johnson, but now he'll end it. We learn of his match with Undertaker at International Incident, and he says he's already buried Taker in his own casket, but now he'll bury him.

We return from commercial with Hunter in control. Ahmed fights out of the corner with stiff fists, but Hunter returns with a kick to the midsection. A reversal whip to the corner by Ahmed, but his attempt to hit Hunter misses. Hunter goes up, but this time gets caught in a bearhug atomic drop. Whip to the buckle followed by a powerslam. Cover, but slow as hell counting from Harvey for two. Atomic drop and a spinebuster follow. Ahmed calls for a Pearl River Plunge, but Hunter back drops him.  Hunter lays in some more stiff punches in the corner. He slaps around Ahmed, who collapses to the mat. But Ahmed wakes up and catches Hunter in a super still Pearl River Plunge, covering for the win in a solid match. Nothing special, but Ahmed definitely looked good throughout, despite getting obviously blown up early. 

Dok Hendrix interviews Ahmed (who accidentally calls him Mike) who says he's proud to be the first African American champ in history. He's not defending it for everyone, black, white, red, or green. He gets a bit mumbly when he says how he's going to defend this belt for the people. If "sweet lips" wants some more, he knows where to find him. He'll be in the hood hanging with the homeboys.

Sunny heads to ringside as we get to our next match. It's The Bodydonnas (with Cloudi) taking on Brooklyn Brawler and Jerry Fox. They show some actual fan auditions for the Bodydonnas new manager, which is actually fun. More better a choice than this whole Cloudi gimmick. So, get ready for the next five minutes of nothing of "Eww, how ugly is she?" commentary. Arm work by Zip and an ax handle by Skip as the pair work over a flithier than usual Brawler. Shoulder block by Brawler, but he gets caught in a headscissors from Skip. He follows with a clotheslines.

Tag to Jerry Fox who goes for a headlock, but Skip turns it around into a neckbreaker. Sunny mentions that she's not just working with tag teams, but she is bringing in a singles wrestler, but she's keeping it a surprise. Skip lands a nice suplex on Fox, then follows with some fast leg drops. Tag to Zip who hits a gutwrench powerbomb, then tags in Skip. He sets up Fox up top and hits a frankensteiner as Zip hits a whoopee cushion for the win in an okay squash. Cloudi confronts Sunny who panics and runs off as Cloudi gives chase. She then turns her attention to Lawler.

Up next it's Camp Cornette taking on Aldo Montoya, Savio Vega and Barry Horowitz. A preview of sorts of the upcoming 6-man tag match at International Incident. Owen starts with Horowitz as Barry gets in a hiptoss and a knee. He throws Owen in the corner and lands a monkey flip. Tags to Savio and Bulldog. Cross body by Savio, covering for two. He follows with some fast dropkicks, but Bulldog comes right back to tag in Vader. Stiff headbutts from Vader who then works Savio in the corner with clubbing rights.

Clothesline from Vader sends Savio spinning. Savio ducks a clothesline and hits a crescent kick. He hits another kick that sends Vader into the corner. Tags to Owen and Aldo, but Owen gets the better with a spin kick. Tag to Bulldog who lands a stalling suplex. Tag to Vader who nails a chokeslam on Aldo. Tag to Bulldog who throws Vader into the corner and lands a running powerslam. He doesn't cover, and allows Owen to lock a sharpshooter for the win in a total blowout.

Brian Pillman goes to ringside as Austin readies himself for the match with The Undertaker. Who the hell does he have to talk to to get his goddamn money? He doesn't need to get in the ring, he just has to get in Vince's face to get an answer, which Vince doesn't give him a definitive answer.

Austin attacks Taker from behind and beats down on Taker in the corner. He rams Taker's head into the buckle, but the dead man no sells. He lays in a few strikes and some head rams to Austin in the corner. He whips Austin hard into the buckle and lands a clubbing blow to the back. Jerry Lawler tries to get an answer from Paul Bearer about the accidental urn shot to Undertaker in the match against Mankind last night, but Bearer refuses to speak. Meanwhile, Austin and Taker brawl outside with Taker throwing Austin into the steel post and the steel steps.

He brings Austin back in and chokes him on the middle ring rope, then chokes him with his boot. He throws Austin head-first into the buckle, which sends Austin in retreat outside. He tries to drag Take out of the ring, but gets booted off. Lawler prods Vince about why Bearer refuses to speak, but Vince says that he's just embarassed. Taker throws Austin back in again, and hits a body slam. He goes for an elbow, but Austin avoids. Taker sits right up, but Austin goes in on the punches. He throws Taker into the corner, but eats a boot as we go to break.

When we return from commercial break with Taker hitting an old school clothesline. We get a recap of Austin attempting to use a chair, but taking a boot to the face instead. Austin clips the leg of Taker and begins to stomp on the injured limb. He drags Taker's leg out and smashes it into the post. He follows with some more limb work on the ropes and some stomps. We get a lot of commentary from Lawler mocking Jake "The Snake" Roberts, saying that he's fallen off the wagon after his loss last night.

Austin bashes Taker's leg into the ring apron as the crowd chants "Rest In Peace". Austin locks in a leg lock, then drops an elbow, continuing the pressure. Meanwhile, Goldust and Marlena make their way to the announce position. He promises Undertaker will not rest in peace in their sequel. Taker breaks free of the leg lock and goes for a boot, only for Taker to dodge it and hit a chop block as we go to commercial. When we return, Taker tries a flying clothesline, but Austin ducks. He goes to drop his leg on a draped Taker, but Taker avoids and catches Austin in a chokeslam.

Taker signals a tombstone, but Goldust throws gold dust in the eyes of Taker (though most gets all over Austin, making him super sparkly). Taker beats down on Austin some more until Austin retreats. Paul Bearer seems to nervously celebrate with Taker in the ring as Jerry Lawler gets in the ring and continues to instigate that something is up with Paul Bearer. Taker swats him away as he continues to scream that "It's him! It's him!" As for the match, it was good for our first taste of an Austin/Undertaker match. A bit too heavy on leg work by the end, but with a lot more focus at ringside with the Paul Bearer allegations and Goldust's involvement at the end, it didn't hurt the match too much.

As for the Raw as a whole, this was a solid edition this week. Ahmed and Hunter was a good opener and one of Ahmed's less deadly looking matches. Bodydonnas looked good in their squash, though I still hate the Kloudi gimmick. Good squash match with Camp Cornette to build to the six-man tag at International Incident, and finally Austin and Taker was a great match that continues to build layers to multiple storylines with Undertaker, while still building up Austin to be this ruthless ass kicker. For a post-PPV Raw, this did a good job in continuing momentum as we head into July's In Your House event. Raw gets an A-.

A Taste of the New Generation: Chapter 3:16: The 1996 WWF King Of The Ring

It's Sunday, June 23rd, 1996. Schwarzenegger is back on top of the box office with Eraser, while we're still in the crossroads with Bone Thugs-N-Harmony. The Nintendo 64 goes on sale in Japan, while we're a couple weeks removed from the death of Dick Murdoch. In the world of the WWF, it's time for the June tradition. Time once again to crown the prestigious fourth King of the Ring. It's King of the Ring 1996, hailing from the MECCA Arena in Milwaukee, Wisconsin to an attendance of 8,762 (down from last year's 16,590) and a buyrate of 197,000, up from last year's 150,000.

So, what's been going on since the mess that was Beware Of Dog? Well, it being King of the Ring time, most of television has been dedicated to the tournament, building us up to the event tonight. However, unlike previous years, only the semi-finals and finals of the tournament will go down on this show. The tournament up to this point went as follows. Vader defeated Ahmed Johnson, then gained a bye when Ultimate Warrior and Goldust were double counted out. Jake "The Snake" Roberts defeated Hunter Hearst Helmsley, then Justin "Hawk" Bradshaw to make it to this point. Stone Cold Steve Austin defeated Bob Holly and Savio Vega, and Marc Mero defeated Skip and Owen Hart to make it to the semi-finals of tonight's events.

Speaking of Goldust, on the same night as the double count-out (thanks in part to Ahmed Johnson), he would get some revenge on Ahmed later in the night. After Ahmed was laid out from a cast strike by Owen Hart, the big man was unconscious, allowing for Goldust to give him some "mouth to mouth". This enraged Ahmed who wants the bizarre one, and his Intercontinental Championship, tonight.

As for the Ultimate Warrior, he was also screwed out of the King of the Ring due to the interference of Jerry "The King" Lawler. Lawler continued to make digs at the Warrior, mostly mocking his comic book, and even offered Warrior a hand-painted piece of art as a peace offering. Only for the king to smash it over Warrior. Tonight, the king steps in with the man from parts unknown to culmintate this bizarre feud.

At Beware of Dog, Shawn Michaels and the British Bulldog's WWF Title match went to a draw after both men's shoulders were down. Tonight, there must be a definitive winner. And to ensure that Shawn doesn't weasel his way into another victory, Jim Cornette managed to get a special guest referee for the match. That being one other than Mr. Perfect. Also tonight, The Undertaker takes on Mankind and the Godwinns take on The Smoking Gunns. Plus the WWF debut of Brian Pillman. And now that everyone's up to speed, let's get to action.

On commentary tonight it's Vince, Jim Ross, and Owen Hart. Opening action tonight is our first semi-final match for the King of the Ring tournament. Stone Cold Steve Austin vs "Wildman" Marc Mero. Recaps of Owen's loss to Mero last Monday, as Owen makes every excuse in the book. Early back and forth stuff with headlock takedowns and hammerlock spots by both men. The crowd is more interested in Sable than either men in the ring unfortunately. Big elbow to the face by Austin. Mero hits a shoulder block and follows with a headscissors. He goes to dive outside to Austin, but Austin avoids.

Arm work and headlocks by Mero as we return to the ring. Austin catches Mero with a Lou Thesz press that looked more like a flying knee to the head. Big back body drop from Mero sends Austin rolling out of the ring again and calling a time out. He returns to the ring and goes for a test of strength, hitting some kicks to the midsection to gain leverage. Mero breaks free, but his momentum is turned around as Austin throws him over the top rope. Austin pulls off the ring mats, exposing the concrete. He throws Mero on to the floor roughly, then goes into the ring to play to the crowd. Mero returns to the ring and eats a vertical suplex.

Austin drags Mero on the apron and lays an elbow to the throat, then does it again from another part of the ring. Mero tries to recover, but Austin stays on top, raking his throat on the ropes. He lays in a super stiff whip to the buckle.  He sets Mero up top and hits an elbow off the second rope. Cover only gets a two. Austin lifts Mero over his head and drops him rib-first on his knee (kind of awkwardly). Cover still just gets two. Austin then turns Mero around for a Boston crab submission. Mero tries to grab the rope, but Austin pulls him back to the center of the ring. Mero eventually manages an escape. Small package from Mero only gets a two. Austin comes back with another back elbow to the face.

Austin returns into the Boston Crab, but doesn't sit on the hold. Mero escapes and rolls Austin for two. He tries again for another two. Stiff throw to the buckle by Austin, but Mero evades a back suplex and rolls Austin up for another two. Mero tries a sleeper, but gets hit with a stunner variation (this would cause Austin to cut his mouth pretty bad). Mero hits a slingshot of sorts, crashing into Austin. Mero manages a dropkick to the already injured mouth of Austin, then hits some corner punches and a back body drop. Mero goes up top and lays in a beautiful double ax handle. Cover only gets a two. Mero throws Austin over the buckle, then hits a Bad Mood over the ropes.

Mero reenters the ring and hits a massive suicide dive on Austin. He throws Austin back in and goes up top again, landing a missile dropkick. Cover still only gets a two. Mero sets Austin up for a Frankensteiner, connecting perfectly. Cover, but still just a two. Austin slingshots Mero throat first into the ropes and covers, but Mero kicks out at the last second. Stone Cold Stunner and a cover for the three in a really good opener. Good back and forth from both men. Started slow, but picked up with a lot of energy. Austin seemed a bit out of it (likely a factor from the mouth cut) but recovered well enough. Also, Marc Mero is a good worker. A victim of being too bland and having a hot wife, but he held his own and worked a great 15+ minute match with Austin. A commendable effort.

So Austin advances to the finals of the King of the Ring, but before that, he actually has to leave the building to get 16 stitches in his mouth. That's how bad that cut was.

Dok Hendrix is backstage with Jake "The Snake" Roberts. Jake says that the power above is reaching down and lifting him up. If he was to rob a bank, he wouldn't go in the front door, he'd sneak up from behind. If he can get through Vader, he knows he's got Stone Cold. This leads us into the next semi-final match. Jake "The Snake" Roberts taking on Vader.

Vader locks in an arm bar early on. He whips Jake and follows up with a running avalanche, followed by a second. Splash by Vader who covers for two. Jake lands some strikes and a knee lift. He calls for a DDT, but Vader takes him to the corner and lays in punches. Jake ducks a clothesline and comes back with one of his own that doesn't knock Vader down. Vader hits another avalanche and whips Jake into the corner. He goes for a splash, but Jake escapes. DDT from Jake, but Vader pulls the referee down, causing a DQ. Jake goes over.

Post-match, Vader attacks Jake with some corner splashes, then sets him in the corner, landing a Vader Bomb. He goes for a second, but officials put a stop to him. Despite the beat down, Jake is still going to the finals and Vader is out for the evening. As for the match, it was as best a match as it could be, I guess. Lame finish, but I guess it's the only way to keep Vader from taking a pinfall, so I can't be that angry.

Up next, it's the WWF Tag Titles on the line. The Smoking Gunns (With Sunny) taking on The Godwinns (with Hillbilly Jim and some baby goats). Dok Hendrix interviews Sunny and the Gunns backstage as Dok brings up the Bodydonnas new manager Kloudi. Oh god, I have to talk about this, don't I?

So, as you may have recalled, there was a whole storyline going on about Zip and Skip seeking a new manager to replace Sunny. Enter Kloudi, AKA wrestler Jimmy Shoulders in drag. This, of course is one of their many lame duck attempts at humor over transgender people and transvestites (see a few years later with the "sammy" segment). I'd say that they got this foolishness out of their system, but cut to a month ago with Bray Wyatt being "possessed by Sister Abigail" and James Ellsworth possibly being fired for not wanting to play a transgender wrestler. No, I don't understand how I still watch this crap either. Anyways, Sunny says that she thinks that Phineas won't keep her eyes off her and that will ensure a win for the Godwinns. Sunny doesn't want to be out at ringside with Kloudi at ringside.

Billy Gunn grabs the mic and says that he's made Sunny feel like Phineas will never be able to. Phineas goes for the attack, but Bart gets him from behind and lands a slam. Tag to Billy who shoves Phineas in the corner and slaps him around. Phineas gets a boot and a set of clotheslines. He beats down on Billy and yanks the boot off him. Henry calms down Phineas as everyone slows things down. We get an interview from Kloudi mid-match, who says that he's filling out Sunny's old gear, and blows a kiss to J.R.

Henry and Bart in. Bart tries a clothesline but eats a boot and a clothesline from Henry who covers for two. Hard yanks of the arm from Henry who tags in Phineas, who continues the arm work. Tag to Henry who keeps up the arm yanking, before locking in an arm bar. Henry ducks a clothesline, but takes a knee to the back from Billy. Tag ot Billy who stomps down on Henry in the corner. Knee drop and a cover gets a two. Tag to Bart who continues the knees. Cover still just gets a two. Tag to Billy who keeps the boots in on Henry. Henry reverses a whip, but gets caught with a fameasser. Billy plays to the crowd, then covers for two.

Tag to Bart who hits a rib breaker, putting pressure on the injured back. Tag to Billy who hits an ax handle to the back. He goes for a slam, but Henry rolls him up for a two. Billy keeps the pressure on the injured back of Henry, then rams him in the corner. A dueling "Henry/Sunny" chant from the crowd as Billy goes to splash Henry, only for Henry to avoid. Phineas accidentally distracts the ref while Bart comes in and hits another rib breaker and an elbow. He goes up top and dives with a leg drop, only for Henry to avoid.

Tags to Billy and Phineas. Fists laid in to both Gunns as Henry joins in. Do-Si-Do into a pair of strikes. Bart nails Phineas with his cowboy boot and Billy covers for three. The Godwinns beat down on the Gunns for a bit until the heels make their retreat. Bit of a boring match with a bit too much "face in peril" work, but i do like the new arrogant attitude to the Gunns. Especially Billy, who is allowed to show off some charisma and his quality ring work. Other than that, it wasn't too long at least.

Dok Hendrix backstage with Camp Cornette. Cornette promises that Bulldog will beat Shawn and win the title like he should have last month. He promises Shawn a ticket to value jet tonight. Mr. Perfect is seen in the locker room, sensing some obvious collusion. Bulldog says he'll be a triple header tonight, winning the one belt he hasn't claimed. He promises Shawn will be his in less than a few hours.

Up next, Jerry "The King" Lawler takes on The Ultimate Warrior. Before the match, Lawler checks out the king of the ring throne (lest we forget him crowning Bret Hart in 1993). He grabs a mic, saying that he has arrived. He grabs the scepter and begins to roast the Milwaukee crowd. He rips on the Milwaukee Brewers (The name says it all. The Brewers, they're all drunk!). He continues his roasting, telling some kid "is that your face or did your neck throw up", calling some woman a stripper, and comparing a woman to a mailbox. Pretty basic heeling stuff from Lawler. He says that Warrior has overstayed his welcome, and recaps the portrait smashing from two weeks ago. He framed the Ultimate Warrior, and the only thing left to do is hang him. When he's done with his face, he'll look like a Picasso painting.

Great pop for the Warrior as he rushes to the ring. Lawler hits Warrior with the scepter then chokes him with it. The referee takes it away from him, but Lawler continues to pummel him. He chokes Warrior with his own jacket, then chokes him with his fist tape. Warrior tries a boot, but Lawler returns to the tape choke. He goes back in, but Warrior fights out of the corner. Lawler hits Warrior with a foreign object and keeps choking him with the tape.

Lawler hits a piledriver, but much like Hunter at Mania, Warrior no-sells it. Warrior dances around, then hits a few clotheslines. Flying shoulder block and a cover gets the three in a mercifully short match. Good heel stuff from Lawler at least.

Dok Hendrix is with Gorilla Monsoon as Jake Roberts is being attended to. He says that only Jake knows how bad he's hurt, but he has a burning desire to continue. Gorilla's going to let him continue, but if he has to stop the match, he will.

Up next, it's Mankind taking on The Undertaker. We recap the events of Beware of Dog when Mankind emerged from the casket and attacked Undertaker, then the beat down by Mankind on Undertaker a couple weeks ago on Raw. Taker rushes at Mankind early on with punches in the corner. Mankind gets a thumb to the eye, then throws Taker in the corner, only to get thrown right back and pummeled some more. Mankind tries to climb the buckle, but Taker pulls him down and throws him out of the ring. Mankind returns to the ring, only to get caught with a claw to the face as Taker tries to tear the mask off.

Taker gets up top for Old School, dropping the clothesline to the back. He throws Mankind to the buckle, but Mankind hits an elbow the face and a body slam. Taker sits up, but Mankind comes right back with a clothesline. Taker fights out of the corner, only for Mankind to keep the offense. He chokes Taker with his boot, then follows with a running knee strike. He bridges Taker over the apron, then drops an elbow to the chest. He then leaps off the apron with an elbow drop to the outside. Taker recovers, but Mankind punches him off the ring apron. Taker finally gets back momentum with some boots, but Mankind lands another clothesline and throws him back out.

Mankind grabs a pair of steel chairs, and throws one in the ring. He rushes at Taker with the other, but gets booted in the face. He throws Mankind into the ring apron, then hits a  back drop, dropping Mankind hard onto the concrete (and partially the steel chair). They return to the ring where Taker nails Mankind with a chair shot (referee distracted by Paul Bearer).  Taker chokes Mankind with his boot, then hits a boot to the face. He sets up a tombstone, but Mankind escapes, hitting a swining neckbreaker and a leg drop. He crawls around Taker, making sure he's down, then tries the mandible claw, only for Taker to grab his hands and block it.

Mankind continues his assault with strikes, then hits an elbow drop. But Taker sits right back up, so Mankind applies a long nerve hold to the neck. Taker eventually breaks free and clotheslines Mankind over the ropes. Mankind drags him out and lays more strikes. He then runs around the ring and hits a massive knee strike, smashing Taker's head into the steel steps. He then slams Taker on the concrete. He goes for an apron elbow, but Taker shields himself with the chair. Taker grabs the chair and smashes it over the head of Mankind. Both men return to the ring as Taker stomps Mankind on the ropes, then throws him to the mat. He follows with some headbutts, then a big flying clothesline. Mankind recovers with a pulling piledriver. Slow cover gets a two.

Mankind throws a tantrum and pulls out some of his own hair. He grabs the urn from Paul Bearer, then goes to smash Taker with it. However, Paul Bearer sneaks up behind him and grabs the urn right back. While Mankind's distracted, Undertaker recovers, but Mankind is right on him with the mandible claw. Taker tries to fight back with a chokeslam while Paul Bearer tries so smash Mankind with the urn, but Paul Bearer accidentally hits Taker with the urn, allowing for Mankind to keep the claw locked in for the win. A really good match with a lot of stiff work from two quality brawlers. Definitely the best showcase of Mick's hardcore style that we've seen on this blog so far. Definitely can't wait to see more of this feud in the months to come.

Dok Hendrix is with Mr. Perfect, who says that he thinks Perfect is on the side of camp Cornette. Shawn shows up and tells him that he had better call it down the middle. Perfect says that he's the perfect ref and he'll call it down the middle.

Up next, Ahmed Johnson challenges Goldust for the WWF Intercontinental Title. Ahmed rushes through the King of the Ring doors and charges to the ring, clotheslining Goldust to get things started. He starts pummeling Goldust on the ground, then follows with another clothesline that sends Goldust spinning. Goludst tries to retreat...

Only for Ahmed to dive over the ropes, crashing to the floor below, but still taking Goldust down with him. No wonder the man was injury-prone to himself. He continues to punch down on Goldust on the outside. He throws Goldust back into the ring with force. He hits a hard whip to the buckle that sends Goldust back outside. Ahmed follows by throwing him into the steel steps. He then grabs said steps and throws them forcefully at Goldust, but Goldust escapes before imminent death.

Both men return to the ring as Ahmed throws him hard into the buckle. He tries a splash, but Goldust avoids, sending Ahmed to the outside. He lays in a few slaps, then throws Ahmed into the steps. Now Goldust grabs the steps and throws them over the back of Ahmed (Referee distracted by Marlena). Goldust brings Ahmed back in and lays in a clothesline, followed by some punches. Cover only gets a two count. He slams Ahmed and continues to pound down, transitioning into a chinlock. He punches down on Ahmed some more before going into a camel clutch position. Ahmed escapes and throws Goldust in the corner. A clothesline attempt is thwarted as Goldust evades.

Goldust rubs the backside of Ahmed before pummeling him some more. Goldust transitions back into a chinlock. Arm drop spot follows, which of course means Ahmed recovers on the third drop. Goldust tries a sunset flip, but Ahmed drops a fist. Goldust pounds on him then covers,  but Ahmed kicks out. Goldust follows up with a piledriver. Goldust slowly crawls over Ahmed, then covers, but Ahmed kicks out. He goes into a headlock, but Ahmed breaks free, landing some super stiff clotheslines in the corner.

Goldust reverses a whip in the corner and nails a knee to the back. He follows up with a fist drop, and some more sensual rubbing and kissing. More mindgames from the bizarre one as he then starts twisting the face of Ahmed. Ahmed blocks some punches and whips Goldust. He tries a dropkick but Goldust avoids. Cover by Goldust only gets a two count. Goldust whips Ahmed and applies a sleeper. Ahmed is out cold, so that means that Goldust is obviously going for mouth to mouth again. This wakes up Ahmed, who grabs Goldust by the throat, then goes wild in the corner. He follows with a decent spinebuster for once, and a Pearl River Plunge. Cover gets the three and the title for Ahmed Johnson.

Overall, a decent match. About as midcard quality as you'd want. Ahmed with a lot of energy to begin with, though perhaps a bit too much as he seemed blown up quite early. Great heel work from Goldust throughout, and his mind games continue to be excellent. And the ending makes sense with Ahmed getting revenge on Goldust for his now two "mouth to mouth" incidents. In the end, the right call was made and Ahmed becomes the first African American to win the Intercontinental title. Something not lost to one member of the Milwaukee crowd, who later keyed the N word on Ahmed's car. So, a great moment for the guy unfortunately ruined by some racist scumbag.

Hobbling to the ring on crutches is the newest member of the WWF Roster, Brian Pillman, still as manic as he's been all year. Pillman says he doesn't give a damn about his family, and gives less of a damn about this cess pool of a crowd. No wonder Jeffrey Dahmer tried to eat this whole state. He calls J.R a stupid SOB and a member of the retched refuse. Brian F'n Pillman does and says whatever he wants. They're going to find out soon if any of the so-called WWF Superstars have the guts to stop him. He's going to rape, pillage and plunder this entire federation.

Stone Cold Steve Austin's music hits as we enter the finals of the King of the RIng tournament. Austin sees his former Hollywood Blonde tag partner as he makes his way to the ring to face Jake "The Snake" Roberts. You can see the stitches in Austin's upper lip from the damage suffered earlier in the match with Mero. Jake clutches his ribs as he makes his way to the ring, still suffering from the effects of Vader's assault. Austin immediately attacks Jake before Jake can even get in the ring. He pummels with punches and elbows to the injured ribs. He ascends the rope and hits an elbow drop.

He screams at Jake to get up and slaps Jake around.  Jake starts fighting back, but Austin keeps up the offense. He rips the tape from the injured ribs and keeps pummeling. Gorilla Monsoon enters the ring and tells Austin to lay off him. Jake doesn't want to quit the match and goes in on punches to Austin. He calls for a DDT, but Austin throws him in the corner with shoulder blocks. He lands an elbow drop, then picks Jake up for a Stunner. Cover gets the three as Austin becomes the fourth King of the Ring in a brutal squash.

Austin ascends to the podium as Dok Hendrix interviews him for his coronation. Austin says that he wants that piece of crap Jake out of his ring. Get him out of the WWF because he's proven without a shadow of a doubt, he doesn't got what it takes. "You thump your bible and you say your prayers, and it didn't get you anywhere. Talk about your psalms, talk about John 3:16, Austin 3:16 says I just whipped your ass!" All he's gotta do is go buy a cheap bottle of Thunderbird and dig up some of that courage he had in his pride. Austin gives warning to the superstars that they're all on his list and he's fixing to go through all of them. He doesn't care if it's Davey Boy Smith or Shawn Michaels, Stone Cold's coming for them and when he gets his shot, he'll be WWF Champion.

And there it is. One of the most significant promos in wrestling's history. Austin was already on the ascension, and winning the King of the Ring is paramount to that, but it's the uttering of Austin 3:16 that will lead him to becoming one of the most important names in the industry. Granted, not immediately, and Austin won't be a major player off the bat, but keep paying attention in the coming months as when the rocket gets strapped on Austin, it doesn't burn out for a long time. Of course, the original plan was Hunter Hearst Helmsley as the King of the Ring, but honestly, this was the right call at the right time as Austin needed that win much more.

It's time for our main event of the evening. Shawn Michaels defends the WWF Championship against The British Bulldog with Mr. Perfect as the referee. Bulldog accompanied by Diana and Cornette while Michaels is flanked by Jose Lothario. Gorilla Monsoon informs Howard Finkel that Mr. Perfect is not the presiding official, but an outside official as Earl Hebner will officiate inside the ring. Bulldog plays to the crowd with the Union Jack, but Shawn gets a "USA" chant going.

Lock up and a shove from Bulldog to start. An exchange of arm work from both men early followed by an exchange of headlock takedowns, with Shawn winning that fight. Bulldog rolls him up for two, then tries again for another two. Bulldog tries to escape the headlock, but Shawn rolls him for two, keeping the hold. Bulldog escapes, and throws Shawn over the ropes, but Shawn skins the cat and gets a headscissors that sends Bulldog over the ropes. He follows with a hurricanrana off the apron. He then grabs Jim Cornette's tennis racket and spanks him.

Bulldog hits a headlock takedown and keeps Shawn locked in as the crowd chants for "USA". Shawn tries to break free, but Bulldog keeps the hold locked in. Bit of noticeable loud talking from Shawn, trying to direct Bulldog through the match. Shoulder block from Bulldog, followed by an attempted press slam, but Shawn avoids and manages a trip, covering for two. Arm drags from Shawn is taken over into an arm bar. Bulldog breaks free and lands some strikes. Shawn avoids a clothesline and returns to the arm bar.  Subtle touches of Shawn looking at Mr. Perfect to make sure he doesn't pull anything. Bulldog gets up and gets a hiptoss, but Shawn kicks him off. He ducks a clothesline and goes for a sleeper, only for Bulldog to crash into the corner, injuring Shawn.

Bulldog throws Shawn hard into the buckle, followed by a second. Snapmare transitioning into a chinlock. Shawn breaks free and hits a nice armbar takedown. Shawn goes up and hits an ax handle. Cover only gets a two. Bulldog reverses a whip, but eats a knee to the mouth. He reverses another whip and press slams Shawn over his head, dropping Shawn over the rop rope. Bulldog follows with a suplex on the outside (covering his back in gold confetti from the earlier Goldust/Ahmed match).

Bulldog brings Shawn back in for another chinlock. Shawn escapes, only to be thrown into the buckle (with a patented Shawn flip) and eating a clothesline as well. Bulldog locks in a surfboard stretch, until Shawn manages to get his shoulders down for a two. Bulldog returns to the chinlock. Shawn breaks free, but gets clipped with a knee that sends him spinning. Bulldog follows with a big back body drop that sends Shawn high in the air. Leg drop and a cover by Bulldog for two. Back into the chinlock. Shawn escapes again and manages a massive cross body, covering for two. But Bulldog gets right back with a knockout shot, covering for two and returning to, you guessed it, the chinlock.

Shawn escapes, but gets hit with a headbutt. Shawn manages a crucifix, covering for two. Shawn goes for a powerslam, but Bulldog turns it around. He tries a powerslam, but Shawn slides out and tries a sweet chin music, only for Bulldog to avoid. Bulldog lands a jumping piledriver, but doesn't go for a cover. Instead he goes up top, but slips off the rope. Not sure if it was a botch or poor decision making. Shawn whips Bulldog hard into the buckle, then starts to regroup. He goes up top, but Bulldog dropkicks him from the top and lands a superplex. Cover, but Shawn kicks out at two.

Bulldog puts Shawn back up on the top buckle, going for a back superplex, but Shawn turns it into a cross body, covering for two. Both men collide into each other. Shawn then tries a hurricanrana, but Bulldog turns it into a sitout powerbomb, covering for two. Shawn reverses a whip to the corner as Bulldog flip bumps hard on the buckle. Shawn then follows with a flying forearm and the nip up. Body slam, but the referee gets struck in the process. Shawn hits an elbow drop, then sets up sweet chin music. He connects and covers, but Mr. Perfect starts to count, causing Owen to drag him out. Regardless, Shawn gets the win.

Owen gets atomic dropped. Owen avoids a sweet chin music. Shawn avoids an enziguri, then sets up Owen in a figure four. Bulldog tries to attack, but Shawn rolls him up too. Shawn beats down both men until Owen lands a spinning heel kick. Double suplex follows. Suddenly, Ahmed Johnson shows up and press slams both men. Vader arrives and lays out Ahmed. Crowd chants for the Warrior, but no avail as the heels continue their assault. Vader goes up top and goes for a splash...

But sure enough The Ultimate Warrior arrives and helps clean house. The heels make their escape while the babyfaces celebrate in the ring. Vince mentions that at International Incident, the next In Your House PPV, Warrior, Ahmed and Shawn will face Owen, Bulldog and Vader as we finish the show. As for the match, it was a bit better than Beware of Dog, especially since it had a more definitive ending. A lot of slow spots, and a hell of a lot of rest holds, but when the match picked up in places, it was pretty decent. Not the strongest main event, but in comparison to last year's tag match, it was Okada/Omega in comparison.

As for King of the Ring 1996 as a whole, it was a definite step up in quality in comparison to last year. The card had more focus on feuds and angles outside of the tournament which really helped freshen the card this year. The tournament felt like it took a backseat, only getting three matches, with two being rushed squashes of sorts. Like I said though, Austin's win was important in building him up. I like the touch of Austin not touching the robe or crown, or even sitting on the throne. It's not about the theatrics or being called a king for him. He just wants to go in and kill and that's the signs of a true bad ass. And after the flop that was King Mabel last year, that is awesome. 

As for the other matches, Godwinns vs Gunns was kinda dull save for Billy showing more personality. Warrior and Lawler was kinda fun and mercifully short, I liked Ahmed and Goldust as it told a quality story with a logical payoff, really liked the Undertaker/Mankind match (easily match of the night for me), and while it was a slog in places, Shawn and Bulldog delivered on a good main event. Overall, despite a bit of a lull month in terms of Raws, the WWF once again deliver with a fun show on PPV. It may not be as good as the 1993 edition, but it's close. Final rating for King of the Ring 1996 is a B+.