Raw opens as the Lex Express has found its way to Comiskey Park in Chicago as the #1 contender was able to throw a pitch or two. In the arena, Vince shills tonight's show which will include a contract signing of Yokozuna and Lex Luger, the Heavenly Bodies debuting, and a mixed tag match involving the "Macho Midget".
But before we can actually enjoy this Raw, we have a Tatanka match to kick off in ring action. He's taking on Mr. Hughes, who still has the urn in his possession. Again, why does he have it if Undertaker is going to wrestle Giant Gonzalez at Summerslam? Hughes gets a cheap shot as Tatanka gets rid of his tomahawk. Leapfrog by Tatanka is botched as he barely gets over Hughes. Another wreath is placed at ringside as Hughes lays punches in the corner. He misses a splash in the corner as Tatanka tries a school boy for a two. More clubbing blows and boots by Hughes. Irish whip by Hughes is turned into a cross body for a two.
Hughes tries a few clotheslines but misses. He gets a shot to the back of Tatanka to keep him down. Tatanka tries to regain offense, but Hughes gets a rather dull clothesline. Reverse chinlock from Mr. Hughes as we return from break. Hughes misses a corner splash, and hits the post so hard he breaks his sunglasses. Tomahawk chops by Tatanka, as the announcers call him Barry White. Hughes throws Tatanka over the top rope, and body slams him on the outseide. Tatanka back body drops Hughes and gets back in for the count out win. A dull opener, but I've seen worse for Tatanka.
Post-match, Mr. Hughes attacks Tatanka with the urn, and then sees the wreath. He brings it in the ring and breaks it, dropping the remains on Tatanka's fallen body.
But the most interesting thing coming out of this is this is the last appearance of Mr. Hughes. Hughes would be released shortly after. Will I miss him? Not really. But does that I mean I thought he was terrible? Again, not really. I've seen far less mobile, far less talented big men, and for what he could do, he was decent enough. Not an amazing worker, but compared to the likes of a Giant Gonzalez, he's a vast improvement. This won't be Hughes' only appearance in the WWF, as we'll see him again briefly in a few years time. But for now it's a respectful farewell to the huge Mr. Hughes.
Another dull Lex Luger interview package as he babbles about college football, complete with all the odd transitions and effects as the last time. Stop zooming in then fading out and zooming out at the same time, and then closing up on Lex's mouth in black and white. It really feels like Kevin Dunn found this so boring he had to do something to make it at least watchable.
Up next it's the Bushwhackers and the "Macho Midget" against the Brooklyn Brawler, Blake Beverly, and another little person names Little Louie. Blake misses a clothesline in the corner, as the whackerfs and Macho Midget bite the asses of their opponents. Dropkick to Little Louie by the Macho Midget as the faces run around the ring. When action resumes, Little Louie shoves around the Macho Midget. Both men crisscross the ring, until Little Louie gets caught in a loop, and the Macho Midget gets another dropkick.
Blake and Butch are in as Butch gets an elbow and a facebuster. Brawler gets an elbow on Blake, and Butch follows up by ramming the heads of both men together. The heel team argue with each other as the Macho Midget tags back in. Cover by Louie, who keeps lifting the shoulder before three. Covers by Macho Midget only get a two every time. Heenan whips out a bunch of shortcake, shrimp, and Martin Short jokes. Macho Midget breaks another pin as Butch gets the tag. Clotheslines to the Brawler and Blake Beverly. Battering ram to Blake as both Whackers hit a double DDT. They place Macho Midget on the top rope and splash him on the Brawler for the three. This was a terrible wrestling match, but that was never the point. It was meant to be fun, and it definitely was more entertaining than it had any right to be.
The ring is set up for the contract signing between WWF Champion Yokozuna and #1 contender Lex Luger. Jim Cornette follows Yokozuna and Mr. Fuji to the ring. Cornette has now been employed as the American spokesman for the champion. He speaks nicely of the Japanese people as the xenophobic fans chant USA. Cornette rips on Jack Tunney for his bad handling of this whole situation, and he'll be here to make sure the contract is fair and balanced. Looking at the contract, Cornette and Fuji are fine with the provisions.
Luger comes to the ring to a great reaction. His new theme song is of course "Stars and Stripes Forever". He may as well just tattoo mount rushmore on his horehead and carry an apple pie to the ring. He can't get any more uber American at this point. Both men sign the contract and it's official. Cornette mentions that there's a clause in the match. If Luger beats him, he'll be the champion, however if he loses, he'll never get a title shot. Luger is fine with it as all he wanted was is one shot. He won't need more than one shot to win. Luger's still gonna tool around on the Lex Express before he makes it to Summerslam and brings the gold back to America. Luger rallies the crowd to chant USA some more as we end the segment. Luger is a terrible taker, but the segment was fine for what it was.
Razor Ramon is in action next against Dan Dubiel. the face turn has completely gone through as now Razor sports a smile as he gives his gold chains to the men at ringside. Hard chops in the corner by Razor followed by a hiptoss. He then gets in his fallaway slam . Razor locks in an abdominal stretch as we learn that Ted Dibiase and Razor Ramon will face off at Summerslam. Back suplex off the top rope is followed by a Razor's Edge for a three in a by the book squash match.
It's main event time as its the Raw debut of the Heavenly Bodies, Dr. Tom Britchard and "Gigolo" Jimmy Del Rey. Pritchard has some magically curly hair and Del Rey is a master of the pelvic gyration. Bobby Who and Mike Bucci as the opponents. Pritchard distracts Bobby Who, as Del Rey gets a kick to the back of the head, and Pritchard lands a DDT. Tag to Del Rey who gets a nice spinning heel kick to the head. Hard slap by Rel Rey, who follows up witha float over DDT. Tag to Pritchard as a double team of a backbreaker and knee drop. Tag back to Del Rey as both men hit a double suplex on Bucci. Del Rey hits a moonsault on Mike Bucci for the three. For their debut, I'm impressed with both men. Especially Jimmy Del Rey, who is far more athletic then I was expecting.
Post-match, Cornette reissues his challenge to the Steiner Brothers for a title match at Summerslam. He calls the Steiners phony champions until they accept the challenge of the Heavenly Bodies. After that, Raw's card is announced which will see an interview with Giant Gonzalez. Oh goody goody gosh.
This was an okay Raw, but nothing amazing. The only decent thing honestly was the debut of hte Heavenly Bodies. The contract signing was pretty standard stuff, and the mixed tag match was fun for what it was. But nothing else stood out well enough to really make this a must-watch edition. So the best rating is a C-. Definitely Skippable.