It's finally arrived. After almost three months of Raw recaps, we're finally ready to look at what is considered the showcase of the immortals. It's Wrestlemania IX from April 4th, 1993. We are live from Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas Nevada , or to be more specific the parking lot of Caesar's Palace with an attendance being an abysmal 16,891, just slightly mor people than Wrestlemania VII.
Being outside does give this event its own unique feel. Not to mention the WWF going all out with the colliseum feel of the event. Even in 1993 the WWE was really in love with Roman... architecture. We've got vestal virgins, togas, camels, sedans, and much to Mean Gene's hopes, and . I'll give credit to them, they didn't skimp. Commentators tonight are Randy Savage, Bobby Heenan and...
Jim Ross?
The longtime voice of WCW, Ross had left the company when Eric Bischoff became the executive producer. It wouldn't be too long until Ross would find his way to the WWF, and his debut with the company on commentary was right here on Wrestlemania. Sure, you could say making your first televised WWF appearance in a toga is a bit embarrassing, but knowing the company's feelings for the ol' Oklahoman, this is definitely the least embarrassing thing they'd have him do.
It is weird to hear Jim Ross speaking so fast and with so much energy in him. Of course this is long before his bouts with bells palsy, but to see him look more youthful and energetic after coming into wrestling as a fan in the late 90's and being used to how he was then, it just feels hard to fully get used to. Still, having someone on the table who knows the business as well as J.R is definitely a step up from the goofery of Rob Bartlett which I've had to endure months of.
"Finkus Maximus" welcomes Caesar and Cleopatra as they arrive via elephant. Followed by Randy Savage coming to ringside on a Sedan, being fed grapes by the vestal virgins. And then out comes Bobby Heenan on a camel. You want to know how bad this Wrestlemania is? Heenan on a camel is one of two moments in the WWE's list of greatest Wrestlemania moments. The other... we'll get to it. Also, I love that we're built this whole big Roman-esque look to everything, and you can see gigantic power lines above the arena.
Our opening contest is the WWF Intercontinental Championship on the line. It's champion Shawn Michaels taking on challenger Tatanka. However, coming down with Shawn is one Luna Vachon. Vachon was a member of the famous Vachon family, and niece to hall of famer Maurice "Mad Dog" Vachon. Luna would debut in the mid 80's for Florida Championship Wrestling, and several other companies until signing with the WWF and making her debut right here at Wrestlemania IX.
Before the match begins, we see Sensational Sherri head to ringside, as this feud with her and Shawn hasn't ended since the Royal Rumble. What happened to Marty Janetty, the other part of this feud? Fired again thanks to rumors of being intoxicated during the match with HBK back at the Rumble. We're going deep into the new generation, so we may need to keep a counter of how many times he's been fired at this point. This would be three at this point. Him and Shawn fired in '87, followed by Marty being fired in 1992, and now again in 1993.
Ross tells us that Sherri has no allegiance to Tatanka, and is just here to continue her issues with Shawn Michaels. Michaels takes a while to get his gear off, while Savage makes jokes about Luna being ugly and a "vestal virgin for different reasons." I know I rag on Rob Bartlett while Savage was also not a very good commentator. Usually his stuff focused more on "Do the thing!" and "Lock and load! Get it on! Ooh yeah!". But compared to Bartlett, Savage is a godsend. Though being between a great play by play man in Jim Ross, and a great storytelling in the Brain, he really stands out as annoying, which is a strange thing to think of when mentioning Randy Savage.
After a minute of stalling, we're under way. Shawn tries several leg takedowns, only to be thrown off. This is followed by a series of wrist locks, but Tatanka quickly powers out as Shawn over flops. Headlock by Shawn for a while, but gets turned into a back drop from Tatanka, who then gets a chop, and a whip. Shawn goes up top, but gets turned into several arm drags and a dropkick. Heavy whip as Shawn does his overselling flip. Luna tries to come to Shawn's aid, but Sherri quickly stops her from doing so.
Shawn eventually gets a thumb to the eye and rams his head into a turnbuckle. Sunset flip off the top rope, which lands horribly, gets a kick out at two. Michaels gets caught into an inverted atomic drop. Running DDT from Tatanka, followed by a leg drop to Shawn's arm. And back to the arm bar, and some chops to the shoulder. I do find it funny to see Shawn constanty trying to grab at Tatanka's hair while the ref keeps catching him. However, it just turns back into an arm bar and arm based offense for a while, slowing this match to a crawl.
Michaels tries to get back momentum with an irish whip to the corner, but he ends up running shoulder first into the buckle, and in classic Shawn Michaels style overselling the offense with some flops. More arm bars, followed by a big shoulder breaker and an elbow byTatanka. Tatanka gets a big chop off the top rope. The second attempt is met with a super kick by Shawn. However, this is long before it became his finisher. Shawn throws Tatanka over the rope as Luna tries to get offense in, only for Sherri to stop her again.
Head first into the apron goes Tatanka, as Shawn gets a flying clothesline off the apron. A pretty good clothesline for an arm that was worked on all match by the way. Michaels tries to keep Tatanka out of the ring with stomps to the face, but then focues his attention to Sherri. Swinging neckbreaker from Shawn only gets a two count. Tries again after a dropkick but only gets a two count. And back to slow restholds. Tatanka recovers, but Shawn takes him to the corner with jabs. Really messy victory roll only gets a two.
Something tells me the spot was botched, because he tries this again, and gets dropped with an electric chair by Tatanka. Only a two count by Tatanka. He misses an elbow as Shawn lands an axe handle off the turnbuckle. However, it's no sell time for Tatanka who war dances over all of Shawn's offense. Hard chops follow, which Shawn oversells with aplomb. Cross body off the top rope only gets a two.
Michaels is then caught with a catapult to the turnbuckle, but a roll up only got a two count. Samoan Drop attempt is countered to another near fall. Michaels dives off the top and gets caught with a powerslam for two. Shawn throws him out and attempts a dive off the apron, but smashes his head into the steps. Shawn grabs the referee and drags him out of the ring, but gets a Samoan Drop from Tatanka. However, this means that Shawn got himself disqualified to retain his belt, to the disdain of Tatanka.
Overall, I didn't hate this match. I think Shawn worked his best with Tatanka, and while I'm still not impressed with him, this was probably Tatanka's best match so far. Problems however lie with the match being way too long, with too many restholds inbetween periods of fast action. And the ending was a load of crap too. It was just a way to have Shawn keep the belt while not ending Tatanka's undefeated streak as of yet. Which is stupid because if they are so invested in Tatanka, now would have been the best time to give him a run with the IC strap. But for what it was, I definietly think this was passable. There have been better opening matches at Wrestlemania, and there damn sure have been worse ones.
Post-match, Sherri claps for Tatanka on the apron despite, you know, losing the match technically, and gets yanked off by Luna who hits a hard clothesline and a body slam. She follows with some kicks before being chased off by Tatanka. He helps carry her off to the back.
Mean Gene is backstage looking swank in his toga. He's interviewing the Steiner brothers. Sadly, if you were hoping for some wacky nonsensical Steiner promo, but it was pretty basic "we're going out there and wrestle" promo.
It's a tag team match next with the Headshrinkers taking on the Steiner Brothers. Not too much of a reaction for the Steiners honestly. Jim Ross makes his first use of the term slobberknocker in the WWF much to the confusion of both Macho Man and Bobby Heenan. Fatu and Scott start the match off. Again a slow start, but Scott starts with an arm drag takedown, followed by a double leg takedown and an arm bar. However Fatu gets offense back in with a headbutt in the corner, but a big hip toss is followed by Scott. It's pretty much a series of hard rights, and a massive clothesline by Scott with Fatu's patented flip from the offense.
The shrinkers get double team offense in the corner, with Samu taking out Rick over the rope. But the Steiners get to the top and hit double steiner lines. A really cool spot in my opinion. Meanwhile, Jim Ross tells us that Luna has attacked Sherri backstage, which Bobby finds super.
Tags to Samu and Rick Steiner. Rick gets a big clothesline, and sends Samu skull first into the post. Tag to Scott who gets the underhook backbreaker. Irish whip, as Samu flapjacks Scott all the way out of the ring. This gives Afa enough time to hit Scott with his bamboo stick while referee Fonzie is distracted. Samu keeps offense in, and even rams Scott's head into Fatu's head. Tag to Fatu who lands a back breaker and a headbutt off the second rope. Rick makes the save, but the distraction leads to a double headbutt and Samu coming in.
Scott gets the boot to Samu, but Fatu is back in, who knees him out of the ring. Rik distracts the ref causing Scott to be attacked some more. Scott gets a facebuster, but Fatu no sells it and lands a big kick to the face. Tag to Samu, who gets in a face rake, an elbow, and a big dropkick. Scott tries to fight back, but gets an eye poke from Samu. Tag to Fatu, who gets an elbow and headbutt in but only gets a two. Scott tries again to break free, but both men get hit with a double clothesline. However, it's still all Headshrinkers, as Samu gets a body slam in. He goes up top, but Scott avoids the flying headbutt.
Tags to Fatu and Rick Steiner. Rick gets in rigns, body drops, slams and clotheslines. However he foolishly tries a double noggin knocker which leads them to get back the offense, and a face crusher to Rick. Fatu puts Rick on his shoulder as Samu goes off the top rope, but Rick gets a powerslam off Fatu's shoulders on Samu. An interesting counter, but looked really bad. Tag back to Scott, who gets a belly to belly to Fatu, but gets a kick for his troubles and a body slam. Scott gets a frankensteiner that near crushed his neck in the process for the three.
I wouldn't call this the worst match ever, but much like Tatanka and Michaels it felt like it went on way too long. It also felt extremely sloppy with a lot of blown spots. That said, I do feel that all four men tried their best, but things just went sour fast. A shame since I like both teams.
Mean Gene is backstage with Doink the Clown who has given the statue of Caesar behind them a makeover. Gene is upset with how the clown has been mean to kids, but most importantly how he ninja'd Crush with the old fake arm trick. Doink says he's bringing a sense of humor to Wrestlemania IX, and that he guarantees that Crush will be seeing double vision. Hint hint.
This leads to our next match with Crush vs Doink. Crush is in full Shaka Brah mode while Doink is just... just the best thing ever. At least for the next few magic months that he's a heel. He squirts his flower at Crush, which leads the big Hawaiian to give chase. Body slam to the outside and a hard ram to the post before the match even begins. Both men are finally in as Doink tries to beg for mercy. Chokes and right hands from Crush which is followed by a hard whip to the corner.
Doink attempts offense, but nothing phases Crush. Another far less hard ram into the ring post, and a neckbreaker. Guillotine over the rope from Crush. It's been pretty much entirely offense on Crush's part. Eventually Doink tries to escape under the apron, but gets grabbed before his exit. Big military press from Crush, who then applies the vice as Doink gets the ropes, and knocks out the ref. He tries to exit under the rope, but he gets caught once more. Really bad spin kick from Crush as he applies the vice once more. But then all of a sudden...
I'm seeing double! Four Doinks!
A second Doink comes out from under the apron and lays into Crush with the fake arm. This Doink is actually Steve "Skinner" Kiern. After a double Doink dumping, the real one wakes the referee up and gets the three. After the match, the refs look under the ring and are unable to find the second Doink.
This is one of the more wrestlecrap worthy moments ever in an admittedly crappy show, but I can't say I completely hated it. It made sense considering how heel Doink has been known for trickery. And it's not like he didn't set us up for this early on. As for the match, it was clearly more angle than match.
But if you're looking for something actually offensive, Todd Pettingill interviews some Japanese photographers (complete with wacky telescope lens) about if there was two Doinks. The photographers are more invested in Yokozuna and laughing over the top. Ah the 90's and racism as subtle as a punch to the nuts.
Next up it's Razor Ramon against Bob Backlund. Not too much of a reaction to the former WWF champ who comes out to no music. Backlund tries to shake Razor's hand, but he throws a toothpick at him instead. Loud Razor chants for the heel who throws Backlund into the corner a couple times. Backlund counters with his leg trips. Razor gets a couple body slams and stomps in, and some whalloping right hands. Macho mentions us about Bret Hart being knocked out by the Narcissist at the Wrestlemania brunch.
Big series of hip tosses by Backlund. He goes for an underhook suples and a huge atomic drop. Backlund goes for a slam, but gets cradled for a three. I can't say this was a horrible match, but it just sorta ended. A pointless match other than to give Razor a match at Mania. But hard to complain.
Gene Okerlund is backstage with Money Inc as he believes their reign as tag champs is in jeopardy mainly due to facing the all powerful Hogan-Senpai. We see Brutus get his face smashed in. Dibiase talks about money and the odds being in their favor, and IRS ways that they'll turn Brutus Beefcake's face into a jigsaw puzzle, while telling us that if you think Beefcake looks bad, wait until you get a load of Hulk Hogan.
It's time for the WWF tag title match between the Mega-Maniacs and Money Inc. And holy crap is Hogan ever looking bad. His left eye is completely blackened. The prevailing story (not the one involving a fight with Savage) is that Hulk injured his eye in a jet ski accident. Which I find kinda hilarious considering Beefcake had his face destroyed from a para sailing accident. Of course I like to imagine the real reason was he was smashing in Beefcake's face with the briefcase over and over, and it ended up smacking him in the eye bad.
Dibiase and IRS start offense before Hogan and Brutus can get in, but both men quickly throw them out so they can finish their whole pomp and circumstance. Brutus and IRS eventually start the match off. Money Inc work down Beefcake with chops and a big elbow from Dibiase. Quick double teams and tags. Axe handle off the top by Dibiase, but he injures hmself off the protective mask. Dibiase tries to hit his head on the tunbuckle, and that doesn't work either. Beefcake gives him some head rams in the buckle for his troubles and tags to Hogan who gets punches off the turnbuckle.
Clothesline by Hogan who continues to lay fists into Ted Dibiase. Tag to Beefcake leads to a double boot. Body slam and a tag back to Hogan who gets the axe handle off the rope to success. You know, since Ted isn't technically cheating with a big metal mask. Hogan clotheslines Dibiases over the top and both men work on IRS, throwing him out too. Money Inc have had enough and try to walk out, but the ref tells them that if they try to walk out, they'll lose the tag titles. Which makes no sense since that wasn't a prior stipulation.
Upon retruning, Dibiase regains offense with a thumb to the throat. Both men use the tag rope to choke out Hogan while Beefcake foolishly distracts referee Earl Hebner. More chokes in the rope from both men. Dibiase then applies the Million Dollar Dream, which leads to the classic ref grabbing the arm and dropping it, and of course it gets up on the third drop, giving Hulk back his offense. Beefcake breaks the hold by getting the sleeper on Dibiase while IRS has the ref distracted.
Tags to Beefcake and IRS as Beefcake lays fists into IRS and gets a big knee, while taking out Dibiase with an atomic drop. But Dibiase manages to get the briefcase into the back of Beefcake to regain the offense. Tag to Dibiase who tries to rip the mask off, and finally manages to do so.
Quick tags as both men lay into the face of Brutus. But Beefcake manages a double clothesline and a sleeper to IRS. But Dibiase axe handles Brutus, sending both men into Hebner, knocking him down. Tags to DIbiase and Hulk Hogan who lays in the rights, a big boot to Dibiase, and then smashes both men with Beefcake's mask. Both men go for the pin, and since Hebner's down, Jimmy Hart flips his jacket around to look like a referee jacket to make the three.
Both men celebrate with the titles as another referee runs down and raises the hand of Money Inc, disqualifying the Mega Maniacs. And being the gracious losers they are, they try to beat down referee Danny Davis, but Jimmy Hart throws him out for them. And we end as the gracious heroes grand stand despite being rightfully DQ'ed. Hogan opens Dibiase's briefcasem taking the money out of there, as he hands them out to fans in the front row.
So this makes a second title match to end with a screwy finish. The match overall wasn't offensive, but the endng just proves the hypocrisy of Hulk Hogan. The virtuous babyface needed to smack the heels with a weapon, and have his manager, who isn't a referee, try to make a three count. I hate you Hogan-Senpai. I don't care if you ever notice me. But hey, at least that's it for Hogan tonight, right?... R-right?
*Sigh* we'll get to it.
Mean Gene is backstage with Mr. Perfect and reminds us about how Lex Luger knocked out Bret Hart at the brunch earlier in the day. This is a very basic promo... up until the now legendary botch by Perfect calling Luger "The Lexorcist". Yeah, yeah, "So much for Mr. Perfect", but even perfect people can do a perfect botch perfectly.
It's time for out next match with Mr. Perfect taking on "The Narcissist" Lex Luger. Big extravagant entrance complete with beautiful women and mirrors with pyro on them. Thank goodness they raised them pretty high or more than likely they would have been burned far worse than they likely were. Also, why do mirrors need pyro? That never made sense to me.
Both men put wristlocks in until Perfect backs Luger into the corner. More wristlock counters as things start at a slow pace. Thumb to the eye and a whip from Luger is countered with a shot to the gut and a knee lift. Big dropkick by Perfect sends Luger rolling out of the ring. Jim Ross reminds us that all of Luger's wins have been knockouts so far. Luger gets clubbing rights and rams Perfect's head into the corner. But Perfect grabs Lex's foot and begins to work on the knee, complete with a spinning leg lock.
Perfect continues to trip Luger with kicks to the leg, sending him into the corner with hard chops. Tries to whip, but Luger holds on to get another chop. Lex reverses sending Perfect back first into the buckle. He does it again sending Perfect crashing harder, as the commentators remind us about Perfect's history of back problems. Luger puts in shots to the back with his metal plate arm. He then gets a big back breaker and an elbow for a two count. Perfect fights back with boots and rights but Luger gets the offense again and tries to pin him with his feet on the ropes, but gets caught.
Big powerslam by Luger only gets a two count again. Perfect gets a big sunset flip, but another two count. Sleeper by Perfect is countered quick by sending him back first into the buckle. More rights by Perfect, who gets an inside cradle for another two count. Big back body drop from Perfect, followed by another hard whip to the buckle and a big catapult. Luger begs for mercy as Perfect goes for the corner punches, only to be countered. But Perfect gets a clothesline for a near fall. Neckbreaker attempt only gets two as well. Perfect goes up top and gets a messy dropkick for a two count thanks to Lex getting the rope. Perfect tries a backslide, but Lex turns it around for a three despite Perfect being in the ropes. Post-match, Luger lays out Perfect with the metal plate arm.
Not a really good match, which is a shame since I really enjoy Mr. Perfect. I don't blame Hennig for the match, as he put in a lot of effort, it's just that Luger is really bad and it showed in this match. Bland offense for the most part, and Felt sloppy in a few places. It wasn't the worst thing ever, but compared to the matches with Perfect I've covered prior, this is definitely the low point.
Perfect gives chase to Luger and brawls with him outside, but Shawn Michaels comes to Lex's aid., smashing him with garbage cans. Looks like we're moving away from the feud with Luger and we're getting Perfect and Shawn next. That's a massive step up in every aspect.
Up next it's Giant Gonzalez against the Undertaker. Gonzalez has shaved the fur for the event (Or lost it, I dunno), which means we get a great shot of his airbrushed ass crack, and mystery front spot. Taker comes to the ring on a chariot complete with a vulture. The match begins with clubbing forearms by Gonzalez which do no damage to Taker. Taker tries to give rights to Gonzalez, but he gets grabbed iwth a chokehold. Taker ascends the ropes and tries a choke, but gets hit with a low blow. More rights and his patented old school, but it doesn't knock Gonzalez down.
Boot and a clothesline from Gonzalez who does the only thing he can do really, which is boots, clotheslines, chokes, and the occasional throw. He does get a chinlock on Undertaker for a loooong while. We get the arm drop spot once again, but Taker gets it up on the first drop. He breaks out of the lock, but gets tossed out of the ring. Gonzalez rams Taker into the steps, and sends him knee first into them as well. But with the magic of the urn, Taker gets back up and back in. Headbutt by Gonzalez does no damage as Taker keeps getting up. More rights and lefts from Taker, since really that's all oyu can do to the man. Taker gets him down, and focuses on Harvey Whippleman, but Gonzalez grabs a chloroform soaked cloth to knock out the Undertaker and get disqualified.
So first off, that was a horrible match. Gonzalez is absolutely awful in the ring, and Taker can't even work to make the match interesting since he literally is unable to do more offense than rights and lefts. Also, the WWE has always built the importance of the Undertaker's streak, but it's still funny to see one of said streak matches ends in a really terrible DQ. One more also to that, what the hell does it say about a massive giant who needs to cheat with chloroform to keep someone down, even if it is the Undertaker? This is easily the worst match of this event so far, and just proves how terrible Gonzalez was. And if you're paying attention that makes three matches that have ended either in disqualification or a count out. Man this show sucks.
The sucktitude of Gonzalez is shown even more as he does a terrible chokeslam to referee Fonzie. Undertaker is stretchered out of the arena as everyone tries to get Gonzalez out of the ring. The crowd chants for Hogan for some reason, but Taker comes back out to the disbelief of Gonzalez. Taker clubs him some more and keeps clotheslining him until he finally knocks Giant Gonzalez down. Security eventually breaks everything up as they finally get Gonzalez out of here.
Mean Gene is backstage recapping the events leading up to our main event with Bret Hart and Yokozuna. And of course what other man is there to lend his insight to this match than...
HULK FRIGGING HOGAN
Why? What does Hogan have to do with this feud with Bret and Yoko? It's not like he's gonna leave with the belt or anything?
*Sigh* we'll get to it...
Hogan pretty much turns this stuff about Bret into his own tirade about Hulkamania, and issues the first challenge to whoever wins the title. Because, as has been made clear, the world revolves around Hogan-Senpai.
It's time for our WWF title match. Yokozuna challenging WWF Champion Bret "The Hitman" Hart. Not a very loud pop for Bret, which is kind of a shame. Bret starts with a running dropkick and some punches in the corner until Yoko shoves him off. Bret can't even waistlock Yokozuna as he gets shoulder blocked out of the ring. Bret trips Yoko in the ropes and gets a catapult and more right hands. Once freed, Bret goes for multiple clotheslines, but Yoko gets a big one on Bret.
Big body slam followed by a leg drop on Bret. Loud USA chants despite the fact that neither man involved are from the US. Yoko puts in a long nerve hold to Bret until he gets a shot to the throat and a whip to the corner. Bret gets a boot and manages to take him down with some sort of bulldog. It only gets a two count, but Yoko gets back up and lands a massive kick. Back to the nerve hold. Heenan makes note how stupid the crowd is for chanting USA. Yoko misses a big splash in the corner, and Bret gets another bulldog for a two count as Yoko throws him off.
Big elbow off the second rope only gets a two count. Bret tries clotheslines again and he gets him down momentarily. Punches in the corner, but Yoko counters. Bret causes the turnbuckle to be explosed as he rams Yoko into it. He manages to lock in the sharpshooter, but with the referee distracted, Mr. Fuji throws the salt in Bret's eyes which leads to the three count. We have a new WWF champion in Yokozuna. And if we had ended the show right here, I don't think I'd have much to complain about this decent in ring albeit underwhelming Wrestlemania main event.
But out comes Hulk Hogan to complain to the referee about the salt in the eye. Mr. Fuji decides to suddenly challenge Hogan to a title match against the new champion Yokozuna. And with the "blessing" of Bret Hart, he accepts the challenge. Fuji throws his salt, but hits Yoko instead. Clothesline and a leg drop. 1, 2, 3. Hulk Goddamn Hogan wins the WWF championship. Screw you Yoko. Screw you Bret. Like I've said already...
The world revolves around Hulk Hogan.
So why? Why did this happen? Simply put Hogan didn't like Bret as champion and wanted to be the focal point of the company once more. And instead of establishing a new heel champion or all this malarkey the WWF was doing with R-E-S-P-E-C-T for Bret, it didn't matter one lick, because both end up looking like jokes while Hulk Hogan remains god of the WWF Ring. Give me a break.
Hulk Hogan lies on Arsenio, gets Vince in hot water, his popularity is already dying, as is Hogan's interest in the product itself. Don't forget for one second that his modus operandi was that pipe dream of becoming a movie star, so everything he did with the WWF was secondary. And even with all that, and a hungry new crop of guys needing to help restablish this company for the 90's, here we are stuck with the relic of the 80's. A perfect middle finger to a show that already F'ed everyone badly.
And that's how I feel about Wrestlemania IX. A terrible, bland, poorly booked wrestling show that just also happened to be their biggest event of the year. No memorable matches, no classic moments. And the ones that were are memorable for all the wrong reasons. It's the ultimate representation of the low point in Wrestlemania history, and the beginning signs of the WWF's tumultuous run in the mid-90's. A product that needs a fresh outlook, but is trapped in the staleness of the past. This show gets an F from me easily. One of the worst shows of all time.