The 2nd ever edition of Monday Night Raw opens from the Manhattan Center as we’re welcomed once again by Vince McMahon, Randy Savage, and Rob Bartlett. Bartlett holds a picture of Bobby Heenan, says “fight the real enemy”, and tears up the photo. It had only been a couple months since the Sinead O’Connor incident on Saturday Night Live where she tore up a picture of the pope, so as random a reference as this felt, it was at least somewhat still culturally relevant. Before Vince can even finish with the introductions, Macho Man gets jumped from behind by the Repo Man, who quickly makes an exit with Macho’s hat, as Savage tries to recover. All while that annoying siren is blaring in the background.
As Macho Man leaves to find Repo Man, we get into the show. This week’s opening contest is the “Red Rooster” Terry Taylor against Mr. Perfect. Okay, he doesn’t have the red hair anymore, and is being billed as “Terrific Terry Taylor”, but let’s be honest. A rooster by any other name is still a rooster. Perfect gets a decent pop, while Bartlett asks if it’s not Mr. Perfect, but Tom Arnold? And already, this night is going to be awful. We also cut to someone with a tiny sign that says “Mr. Perfect is Perfect”. Whodathunkit? Also, if I recall, last week they said this was going to be Perfect against Papa Shango. I guess the old saying “card subject to change” is still in effect.
Some jaw jacking starts the match, while Savage returns to the commentary table. Vince is concerned less about Randy following the jumping from Repo, but more of the repossession of Macho’s hat. The match takes a bit to get in, with Taylor playing coward to Perfect’s attempts to gain offense. Crowd gives a “rooster” chant, which shows they haven’t forgotten either.
Since Vince is at least kind enough to spare us more skits of Heenan trying to get in, we have Heenan on the phone line this week. Heenan gets a good plug for All American Wrestling, and alludes that he may have put Repo Man up to the sneak attack on Savage. As for the match going on, nothing really amazing. Mostly restholds and arm drags as Perfect has full offense as the show goes to break. Taylor gets control by sending Perfect through the ropes and follows with smacking him mouth first into the metal guard rail. Taylor continues his offense with jawbreakers and kicks to the head. More strikes, and restholds follow.
A spinebuster followed by a near fall by Taylor. Mr. Perfect finally starts to fire back up, and gets a big inverted atomic drop, followed by his neck snap move. Ric Flair shows up at ringside to distract Perfect, and follows with a series of cheap shots behind the referee’s back. He throws Perfect back in, but it turns out that his attempts to weaken Perfect fail as Perfect counters a suplex attempt into the Pefect Plex for the 3. Perfect immediately exits the ring in pursuit of Flair.
This was a nothing match honestly. No real interesting offense from either man. Was slow to start, and never had any real momentum throughout. It wasn’t as bad as some of the matches the week prior, but nothing all that worth checking out either.
WWF Champion Bret Hart is in the ring for his interview with Vince McMahon. Bret responds to Razor Ramon’s comments the week earlier about the cheap shots on Owen, as well as Razor’s claims to want to slap Bret’s father Stu Hart. He makes a weird barrel analogy where Razor isn’t at the bottom of the barrel, but you have to tilt the barrel up to find Razor. Bret talks about being technically sound, and usually following the rules, but promises at the Royal Rumble to throw the rule book out the window. It isn’t a terrible promo, though to be fair Bret was never an amazing mic man, so for that lack of mic skill, he does a fine enough job selling the title match at the Royal Rumble.
The WWF was heavily involved with the rescue effort in Somalia with their mid-90’s “Headlock on Hunger” campaign. So, what better man to talk about how no one should starve to death, than a character who’s entire gimmick is making people rest in peace? Also, you know, if Paul Bearer went easier on the portions, I think Somalia would have some better hope. They are bringing up an important cause, but having the Undertaker be a spokesman for something like this is just silly, and really takes away from the message they’re trying to send.
The next match up is Marty Janetty up against a pre-Headbanger Thrasher Glenn Ruth. Marty gets a nice bulldog off the top rope, and follows with more restholds on Ruth. Shawn Michaels is on the phone, as Shawn takes all the credit for the success of the Rockers tag team. Shawn always knew what went on in Marty’s head, because Marty is a simpleton. Michaels makes a promise that he will retain the intercontinental championship. Vince brings up Sensational Sherri, and her involvement in the title match. Shawn has full confidence that she will do whatever he asks her to do. Janetty continues his control with resthold after resthold, until eventually landing a Rocker Dropper for the 3.
Another nothing squash match. Mostly just punches, restholds, and the finisher. I’m sorry, no disrespect to Marty Janetty, but I really can’t buy the idea of him winning a squash match. And if this is to build him as a threat to Shawn’s title, it really doesn’t do that. Hell, Max Moon last week had more varied offense in his title shot against Shawn than anything Marty attempted in this snoozer.
We then recap the past Saturday’s edition of Superstars as we get another confrontation with Dork the Doink the Creepy Alleged Clown and Crush, brah. Doink with his arm in a sling tries to make peace with Crush with a flower. Crush, being honor bound by the laws of peace, amnesty, and stupidity, takes the flower and walks off. However, it was all a ploy as Doink reveals the arm in the sling was a phony, and he begins to attack Crush with the phony appendage. The Doink heel clown character is awesome. From the creep factor in his looks, to the many devious tricks up his sleeves. It’s so tailor may to be a great villain character. Too bad these good times won’t last.
We get an interview outside with Sean Mooney and Repo Man, who is elated over his sneak attack on Macho Man. Macho wants to get his hands on the Repo Man, and challenges him to “do the thing”. I assume that means wrestle, but Macho just keeps saying let’s “do the thing”. Savage eventually can take no more, and decides to prep himself to go outside and settle this thing by doing the thing. However, when Savage eventually gets out of the building, the Repo Man is long gone.
It’s time for our main event. It’s “El Matador” Tito Santana against “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair. Macho is back at the commentary table, rather disgruntled over tonight’s events. Tito actually gets a pretty decent chant early on, but it’s quickly overtaken by a “Let’s go Flair” chant. Tito starts strong, getting a near fall on Flair, and following into a headlock. Tito continues looking strong by getting a clothesline and a dropkick on Ric, and goes into a headlock as we go to break. Flair gets back in control as the show returns. As Flair lays into Tito with exposed knee drops, Vince confirms that next week’s episode of Raw will feature Macho Man one on one with Repo Man. Flair gets countered into a BIIIIIG BACK BODY DROP by Tito Santana.
We then get some more vintage Flair as he goes onto the turnbuckle, only to be tossed off by Santana. Santana gets full dominance on Flair for the majority of the match, eventually hitting a flying forearm. Santana chooses to try another one on Flair, only to end up sailing over the top rope. Mr. Perfect runs out to ringside and attacks Flair, leading to a DQ ending. Both men brawl at ringside, as officials (including a snazzy dressed Sgt. Slaughter) try to break things up. But it turns out that not even Tony Garea and Sgt. Slaughter can keep these two from trying to kill one another.
Hell, even after spending several minutes shilling crap, we see that Flair and Perfect are still brawling with one another. With Perfect being held back, Flair manages to get mic time and says that the WWF isn’t big enough for both Mr. Perfect and Ric Flair. He openly challenges Mr. Perfect to a match next week on Raw, where the loser leaves the WWF forever. After Flair leaves, Perfect goes to the mic and accepts the challenge. And we end the show with Repo Man not only leaving with Savage’s hat, but Rob Bartlett’s car. So, at least Bartlett suffers a bit to make this a happy ending.
This episode of Raw wasn’t horrible. Compared to the week prior, it feels like things are starting to flow a lot better. Sure, we still get a lot of horrible commentary from Rob Bartlett, but it’s far more subdued this week than it was the week prior. And we got longer matches this week, although with the exception of Flair/Santana, none were all that good. Something about having babyface stars take on jobbers just doesn’t mesh well. Works for a powerhouse monster face, but Marty frigging Janetty?
I like the build to the Royal Rumble, although I feel that they focused more on booking next week’s Raw, and far less on booking a really awesome Rumble undercard. Think if they had built this feud with Flair and Perfect with the loser leaves WWF stipulation going into the Royal Rumble? I think that would have definitely led to more buys. But I can also see how it’s good business to have such a big match as a free tv main event to gain ratings. Same with Macho Man and Repo Man, which if done right, could be an interesting match. We’ll just have to find out next week.
So, I give this episode a solid B+ mainly for the Flair and Perfect stuff. If the matches were better all around, and they focused a tad more on booking the Rumble, I’d be a bit more fair to this card. But I do have one issue…
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WHERE THE HELL WAS THE WOODY ALLEN/MIA FARROW CAGE MATCH?