A Taste of the New Generation: Shadow of Hulkamania: WWF Monday Night Raw: January 18th, 1993

The 2nd ever edition of Monday Night Raw opens from the Manhattan Center as we’re welcomed once again by Vince McMahon, Randy Savage, and Rob Bartlett. Bartlett holds a picture of Bobby Heenan, says “fight the real enemy”, and tears up the photo. It had only been a couple months since the Sinead O’Connor incident on Saturday Night Live where she tore up a picture of the pope, so as random a reference as this felt, it was at least somewhat still culturally relevant.  Before Vince can even finish with the introductions, Macho Man gets jumped from behind by the Repo Man, who quickly makes an exit with Macho’s hat, as Savage tries to recover. All while that annoying siren is blaring in the background.

As Macho Man leaves to find Repo Man, we get into the show. This week’s opening contest is the “Red Rooster” Terry Taylor against Mr. Perfect. Okay, he doesn’t have the red hair anymore, and is being billed as “Terrific  Terry Taylor”, but let’s be honest. A rooster by any other name is still a rooster. Perfect gets a decent pop, while Bartlett asks if it’s not Mr. Perfect, but Tom Arnold? And already, this night is going to be awful. We also cut to someone with a tiny sign that says “Mr. Perfect is Perfect”. Whodathunkit?  Also, if I recall, last week they said this was going to be Perfect against Papa Shango. I guess the old saying “card subject to change” is still in effect.

Some jaw jacking starts the match, while Savage returns to the commentary table. Vince is concerned less about Randy following the jumping from Repo, but more of the repossession of Macho’s hat. The match takes a bit to get in, with Taylor playing coward to Perfect’s attempts to gain offense. Crowd gives a “rooster” chant, which shows they haven’t forgotten either.

Since Vince is at least kind enough to spare us more skits of Heenan trying to get in, we have Heenan on the phone line this week. Heenan gets a good plug for All American Wrestling, and alludes that he may have put Repo Man up to the sneak attack on Savage. As for the match going on, nothing really amazing. Mostly restholds and arm drags as Perfect has full offense as the show goes to break. Taylor gets control by sending Perfect through the ropes and follows with smacking him mouth first into the metal guard rail. Taylor continues his offense with jawbreakers and kicks to the head. More strikes, and restholds follow.

A spinebuster followed by a near fall by Taylor. Mr. Perfect finally starts to fire back up, and gets a big inverted atomic drop, followed by his neck snap move. Ric Flair shows up at ringside to distract  Perfect, and follows with a series of cheap shots behind the referee’s back. He throws Perfect back in, but it turns out that his attempts to weaken Perfect fail as Perfect counters a suplex attempt into the Pefect Plex for the 3. Perfect immediately exits the ring in pursuit of Flair.

This was a nothing match honestly. No real interesting offense from either man. Was slow to start, and never had any real momentum throughout. It wasn’t as bad as some of the matches the week prior, but nothing all that worth checking out either.

WWF Champion Bret Hart is in the ring for his interview with Vince McMahon. Bret responds to Razor Ramon’s comments the week earlier about the cheap shots on Owen, as well as Razor’s claims to want to slap Bret’s father Stu Hart. He makes a weird barrel analogy where Razor isn’t at the bottom of the barrel, but you have to tilt the barrel up to find Razor. Bret talks about being technically sound, and usually following the rules, but promises at the Royal Rumble to throw the rule book out the window. It isn’t a terrible promo, though to be fair Bret was never an amazing mic man, so for that lack of mic skill, he does a fine enough job selling the title match at the Royal Rumble.

The WWF was heavily involved with the rescue effort in Somalia with their mid-90’s “Headlock on Hunger” campaign. So, what better man to talk about how no one should starve to death, than a character who’s entire gimmick is making people rest in peace? Also, you know, if Paul Bearer went easier on the portions, I think Somalia would have some better hope. They are bringing up an important cause, but having the Undertaker be a spokesman for something like this is just silly, and really takes away from the message they’re trying to send.

The next match up is Marty Janetty up against a pre-Headbanger Thrasher Glenn Ruth. Marty gets a nice bulldog off the top rope, and follows with more restholds on Ruth. Shawn Michaels is on the phone, as Shawn takes all the credit for the success of the Rockers tag team. Shawn always knew what went on in Marty’s head, because Marty is a simpleton. Michaels makes a promise that he will retain the intercontinental championship. Vince brings up Sensational Sherri, and her involvement in the title match. Shawn has full confidence that she will do whatever he asks her to do. Janetty continues his control with resthold after resthold, until eventually landing a Rocker Dropper for the 3.

Another nothing squash match. Mostly just punches, restholds, and the finisher. I’m sorry, no disrespect to Marty Janetty, but I really can’t buy the idea of him winning a squash match. And if this is to build him as a threat to Shawn’s title, it really doesn’t do that. Hell, Max Moon last week had more varied offense in his title shot against Shawn than anything Marty attempted in this snoozer.

We then recap the past Saturday’s edition of Superstars as we get another confrontation with Dork the Doink the Creepy Alleged Clown  and Crush, brah. Doink with his arm in a sling tries to make peace with Crush with a flower. Crush, being honor bound by the laws of peace, amnesty, and stupidity, takes the flower and walks off. However, it was all a ploy as Doink reveals the arm in the sling was a phony, and he begins to attack Crush with the phony appendage. The Doink heel clown character is awesome. From the creep factor in his looks, to the many devious tricks up his sleeves. It’s so tailor may to be a great villain character. Too bad these good times won’t last.

We get an interview outside with Sean Mooney and Repo Man, who is elated over his sneak attack on Macho Man. Macho wants to get his hands on the Repo Man, and challenges him to “do the thing”. I assume that means wrestle, but Macho just keeps saying let’s “do the thing”.  Savage eventually can take no more, and decides to prep himself to go outside and settle this thing by doing the thing. However, when Savage eventually gets out of the building, the Repo Man is long gone.

It’s time for our main event. It’s “El Matador” Tito Santana against “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair. Macho is back at the commentary table, rather disgruntled over tonight’s events. Tito actually gets a pretty decent chant early on, but it’s quickly overtaken by a “Let’s go Flair” chant.  Tito starts strong, getting a near fall on Flair, and following into a headlock. Tito continues looking strong by getting a clothesline and a dropkick on Ric, and goes into a headlock as we go to break. Flair gets back in control as the show returns. As Flair lays into Tito with exposed knee drops, Vince confirms that next week’s episode of Raw will feature Macho Man one on one with Repo Man. Flair gets countered into a BIIIIIG BACK BODY DROP by Tito Santana.

We then get some more vintage Flair as he goes onto the turnbuckle, only to be tossed off by Santana. Santana gets full dominance on Flair for the majority of the match, eventually hitting a flying forearm. Santana chooses to try another one on Flair, only to end up sailing over the top rope. Mr. Perfect runs out to ringside and attacks Flair, leading to a DQ ending. Both men brawl at ringside, as officials (including a snazzy dressed Sgt. Slaughter) try to break things up. But it turns out that not even Tony Garea and Sgt. Slaughter can keep these two from trying to kill one another.

Hell, even after spending several minutes shilling crap, we see that Flair and Perfect are still brawling with one another. With Perfect being held back, Flair manages to get mic time and says that the WWF isn’t big enough for both Mr. Perfect and Ric Flair. He openly challenges Mr. Perfect to a match next week on Raw, where the loser leaves the WWF forever. After Flair leaves, Perfect goes to the mic and accepts the challenge. And we end the show with Repo Man not only leaving with Savage’s hat, but Rob Bartlett’s car. So, at least Bartlett suffers a bit to make this a happy ending.

This episode of Raw wasn’t horrible. Compared to the week prior, it feels like things are starting to flow a lot better. Sure, we still get a lot of horrible commentary from Rob Bartlett, but it’s far more subdued this week than it was the week prior. And we got longer matches this week, although with the exception of Flair/Santana, none were all that good. Something about having babyface stars take on jobbers just doesn’t mesh well. Works for a powerhouse monster face, but Marty frigging Janetty?

I like the build to the Royal Rumble, although I feel that they focused more on booking next week’s Raw, and far less on booking a really awesome Rumble undercard. Think if they had built this feud with Flair and Perfect with the loser leaves WWF stipulation going into the Royal Rumble? I think that would have definitely led to more buys. But I can also see how it’s good business to have such a big match as a free tv main event to gain ratings. Same with Macho Man and Repo Man, which if done right, could be an interesting match. We’ll just have to find out next week.

So, I give this episode a solid B+ mainly for the Flair and Perfect stuff. If the matches were better all around, and they focused a tad more on booking the Rumble, I’d be a bit more fair to this card. But I do have one issue…

WHERE THE HELL WAS THE WOODY ALLEN/MIA FARROW CAGE MATCH?

A Taste of the New Generation: Shadow of Hulkamania: WWF Monday Night Raw: January 11th, 1993

Welcome to the debut article of A Taste of the New Generation. The article series that will look back at the history of the WWF’s “New Generation”  era that lasted from 1993 to 1996. I’ll be chronologically reviewing both Monday Night Raw, and reviewing the pay per views that came along in what many consider to be a most disturbing time.

The night was January 11th, 1993, and Vince McMahon, being the innovator that he is, wanted to take the WWF to a new level. A live prime time television show on Monday nights. This was also around the time that the WWF needed to reinvent its product after multiple departures of some of the company’s biggest stars, as well as McMahon being on trial for alleged steroid abuse and distribution the previous year. Thus led to what many people consider the company’s dark ages in what the company coined “The New WWF Generation”.

While the era saw the company put bigger faith in smaller talents like Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels, the company was often lauded for the product being almost insultingly catered to children, and the business not evolving like it should have. Trust me, if you think a lot of the problems in the modern PG era are bad, they really have nothing on the mid 90’s WWF. And with that said, let’s see just how well the WWF took off with their debut edition of Raw.

The show opens outside the Manhattan Center with Sean Mooney talking about the capacity crowd that was just outside the building prior to the show’s open. We then see Bobby Heenan try to enter the building to do his job, but is informed by Mooney that his position on commentary has been taken over by Rob Bartlett. Yes, one of the wrestling business’ best talkers was replaced by a comedian. Already this era is going smoothly.

The Raw intro plays, and I have to say I really love this old intro. Very mid-90’s in its feel, with a really memorable little theme, even if the siren at the end is kind of annoying. The WWF is live in the Manhattan Center as we have Vince McMahon, Rob Bartlett, and “Macho Man” Randy Savage at ringside to call the action. First off, I have to say that I’ve always hated Vince’s announcer voice. It always felt a bit too over the top and annoying, with a “MAAAHNDAY NIGHT RAW” here, and a “UNBELIEVABLE” there. Speaking of annoying, Rob Bartlett off the top tries to make some corny jokes about Yokozuna’s (or as he calls him, Yokozuma) attire, and talks a bit too much about Yoko’s crotch area. As for Macho Man, he’s not horrible, but you can also tell that the commentary side of things was not his forte either.

So, when WCW debuted their live Monday night wrestling show, Nitro in mid ’95, their first opening match to drum up interest in a new audience was a match between Japanese legend Jushin “Thunder” Liger, and Flyin’ Brian Pillman. In my opinion, that’s a great way to start a wrestling show. So, what does the WWF give us for the first match ever on Monday Night Raw?

It’s the “Bird Man” Koko B. Ware, against the still relatively new Yokozuna, led to the ring by his manager Mr. Fuji. Bartlett makes a rather bland Gary Coleman joke about Koko, which Vince seems to give a bit of a lackluster response to. Speaking of bad jokes from Mr. Bartlett, an overabundance of fat jokes on Yoko’s behalf, as well as him dropping the word “Ass”, which gets a bit of a reaction from Vince and Savage. Considering this is well before the age of “Austin 3:16 says I whupped your ass”, I can assume that was a bit of a flub.

So, it’s Yoko vs Koko. Among the bombardment of bad fat jokes from Bartlett, we’re reminded that Yokozuna is still undefeated at this point in his career . So, clearly Koko has a snowball’s chance in hell for this one. And off the bat Yoko just constant shoves Koko into the corner, all while Bartlett yammers on about yoko needing a bra and piss poor Diff’rent Strokes references. While Rob flounders, Vince and Macho at least remind those at home about the Royal Rumble and that Yoko and Macho will both be entrants in this year’s event. More constant attempts to knock down Yoko by Koko are met with nothing.  Koko starts to build some momentum off some dropkicks, only to be sent into the ropes, and followed by a massive leg drop from Yokozuna. Yokozuna finishes the job with a banzai drop for the three.

In the end, this was a full on squash match. Quick, builds Yokozuna as nearly indestructible, and  with the Royal Rumble upcoming, it makes him look like the person with the most potential to win. Spoiler Alert: He does. Koko did a fine enough job taking the bumps, and selling Yoko’s minor offense as extremely powerful, so in the end, this wasn’t that hard to watch.

Following the break, we’re treated to a pre-recorded promo of Bobby “The Brain” Heenan building up the debut of his newest find, a man simply known as “Narcissus”, AKA Lex Luger. This promo is directed at one of Heenan’s former allies Mr. Perfect, as Heenan claims that comparing Mr. Perfect to Narcissus, would be like comparing ice cream to horse manure. And that there’s still at least a place in this world for horse manure, even perfect horse manure. Heenan does a particularly good sell job of making this new talent sound like a true superstar, as well as hyping his debut at the Royal Rumble. Something I really feel is missing in this day and age. I honestly can’t recall the last time the WWF have done such a great job debuting someone without showing them on screen like this. Possibly Chris Jericho, since that was a great debut of its own.

Even though Raw started with a jobber match, it doesn’t mean there’s not room for another I guess. Next up is Rick and Scott Steiner taking on the Executioners. But the most important story coming out of this is Doink the Clown running through the crowd. Doink at this point had recently just debuted, so Vince only refers to him as “that goofy clown”. However, Rob calls him “Dork the Clown” which Vince just accepts as well, seemingly flustered for a sec over what exactly Doink’s name is. That goofy Dork the Doink the Goofy Clown.

Notable botch early on as Rick Steiner whips one of the executioners into the ropes, only for him to slip, while Vince tries to claim it was due to Rick’s strength, which would be a good cover-up if it didn’t look so awful. During commentary Vince mentions former Buffalo Bill Mitch Frerotte is coming to the WWF. Something that while planned, would never truly happen.  Another match where the jobbers get really no offense on the real superstars as both Scott and Rick look strong throughout, with Scott hitting a great looking overhead suplex, as well as a nice underhook powerbomb. Finish is a Steinerizer for the three.

While not a bad match to show off the in ring prowess of the Steiners, the biggest issue I have is that adding Doink at this time is a bit too distracting, as well as commentary at times being a bit too distracted as well by both Doink the Dork Goof, and the whole Mitch Frerotte thing.

Back outside the Manhattan Center we see Sean Mooney respond to a bit of commotion outside, as someone claiming to be Rob Bartlett’s aunt wants to get into the building. However, when Mooney pulls the wig off, it turns out to be, not Don Knotts, but Bobby Heenan in disguise. The segments with Heenan trying to get in aren’t as funny as they could have been honestly. Plus, if you’re going to devote airtime to a pre-taped promo by Heenan, why’s the point of keeping him locked out?

Next up is Vince in the ring to interview Razor Ramon, who is in full on Scarface mode tonight. Mostly it’s a buildup promo to his upcoming WWF championship match at the Royal Rumble against current champ Bret Hart. They make an important fact of it being 8 and a half years for Bret to win his first WWF title in the company, but with 8 and a half months in the company for Razor, he has already caught up to Bret, and believes he has his number.We get a recap of Razor beating down Owen on WWF Mania to send a message to Bret. In the end, it’s a by-the-numbers promo, but does a great job at building the title match at the Royal Rumble.

Next up is an Intercontinental Championship match pitting current champ Shawn Michaels against Max Moon (or as Bartlett calls him “Robowrestler”). Boy the landscape was really screwy in 93 if MAX MOON can be considered a worthy contender for the IC strap. Rob Bartlett decides to chime in with a WTF level joke about “Amy Fischer: The Movie”. How the hell did this idiot last until April?

I’ll give Max Moon one thing. He’s done what nobody else has been able to do so far tonight. Actually get some real opposing offense in, managing to keep Michaels down for quite a while.  A small “Let’s go Shawn” chant as this match goes to break. When we get back in, Shawn has the offense suddenly. Bartlett tries to joke that Shawn pulled a knife during the break, to which Vince gives a response almost akin to a Monsoon-esque “will you stop”.

We get some real comedy as Vince jokes that WWF President Jack Tunney wasn’t able to pardon Mike Tyson, but managed to get him a monitor and a phone during Raw, leading to Rob Bartlett pulling off a flawless Mike Tyson impression. You know, if Tyson sounded like some untalented, unfunny douche. And this isn’t a quick like 10 second joke. It goes on for the rest of the damn match. And while this fine use of commentary instead of, you know, FOCUSING ON THE MATCH, is going on, we get more antics from Doink the Dork Goofy Clown.

After some offense from Shawn, Max Moon eventually builds momentum back up, and manages to flip Michaels over the top rope. Moon gets a fling seated Senton  from the apron on a Standing HBK. Moon gets more offense in, before missing a flipping leg drop, and being hit by a rather weak looking Sweet Chin Music (still being referred to as a Savate Kick). Michaels goes for his back suplex finisher, gets countered, but just does it again for a successful drop, and the three count. Winner and still Intercontinental Champion: Shawn Michaels.

Definitely the best match of the show for certain. Say what you will about the absurdity of the Max Moon gimmick, but Paul Diamond put on a good job in this match, showing some decent athleticism. Actually in the end looking a lot better than Shawn did. Honestly, the only real problems with this match were a couple of slow spots, the distractions by Doink, and the inane Mike Tyson skit being done on commentary.

Speaking of inane, we get yet another skit with Sean Mooney and Bobby Heenan, as Heenan dresses up like a Rabbi, pretending to be Rob Bartlett’s uncle, and trying to get tickets to next week’s show. Which feels kind of odd. Do wrestling shows immediately open ticket sales for the next show DURING the current show? But Mooney wasn’t born yesterday, and reveals the weasel once more.

It’s finally time for our main event of the evening as the man from “the outer reaches of your mind” Damien Demento takes on The Undertaker. Vince thanks WFAN for allowing them to have Rob Bartlett for the show. Trust me, the audience is far from thankful. Rob also seems to completely blank on Paul Bearer as well, calling him “the guy with the martini shaker”.  Demento starts early offense getting several strikes in on Undertaker, but Taker takes control quickly with his old school arm drag and drop from the top rope. Despite Rob Bartlett’s multiple attempts at landing jokes on the mark, it’s Macho Man who has the funniest line of the night with “two big names in the World Wrestling Federation going head to head on Monday Night Raw.” Considering that this would be the highlight of Demento’s career, that line is a bona fide gut buster.

Vince plugs the next episode of Raw which features Mr. Perfect against Papa Shango, “El Matador” Tito Santana against Ric Flair, and an interview with Bret Hart. Taker takes full on control by the end, and eventually lands a tombstone for a quick victory on Damien Demento. A really nothing match. Not even one of the better showings of how much of a threat Undertaker is. Demento has an interesting look, but never gets a chance to look strong. That, and the Raw main event being another jobber squash match is kind of odd booking in my opinion.

We then get a recall of the card for next week complete with a graphic for, and I’m not making this up, a steel cage match between Woody Allen and Mia Farrow. I can complain about a lot of the stupid attempts for the company to be pop culture savvy in 2014, but wow did they blow at it during the 90’s.

We get a segment between Doink Dork That Goofy Clown and Crush. And my god, I never really got the “brah” jokes from OSW review until I listened to this promo from Crush, brah. Almost every word out of his mouth was a brah, brah. After Doink mocks making kids cry, Crush comes to ringside with a warning that if he keeps clowning around, he’s going to get it from Crush, brah. Then he just chases Doink around the ring, and just runs inside it to awkwardly end this segment. And the show ends with Sean Mooney telling Bobby Heenan that he’s allowed in just as the show is over. Wah-wah!

So, what are my thoughts on Raw’s debut episode? First off, for someone who’s used to not only 2 hour editions of Raw, but now 3 hour Raws, this being an hour long feels really strange to get used to. Not to mention that without ads it only clocks in at about 35 minutes long. And what an unremarkable 35 minutes it was. From the abysmal commentary mainly thanks to the awful comedy of Rob Bartlett, to way too much focus on Doink (he should have been in the end segment, and that’s really all) to three glorified squash matches. Not to mention the painfully unfunny segments with Bobby Heenan, there wasn’t a lot that makes you want to look back fondly on this freshman evening. Not to mention the really weird attempt to keep up with pop culture. Seriously, a cage match between Woody Allen and Mia Farrow?

However, there were some positives. I thought the Max Moon and HBK match was far better than I was expecting going in to it, despite some slow spots, and that Mike Tyson crap. They continued to safe book Yokozuna, making him look dangerous without having him do too much in the ring. The Razor promo was okay, and did a good job selling his upcoming match with Bret. And finally, my biggest plus goes to the fact that I think they really did a good job promoting the Royal Rumble. From mentioning matches to always making it a focus. So, when it comes to rating this show, I give it a C. Nothing remarkable, and a few irredeemable moments, but it wasn’t a total chore to watch.

Ultimate NES Remix (Nintendo 3DS)

I have been playing a lot of Nintendo 3DS over the past month. After playing through Pokemon Omega Ruby, it revitalized my interest in the handheld console, and since then I've been picking up several games for the system. One such game is the recently released Ultimate NES Remix, Does the handheld version of the two Wii U games find itself as the definitive version, or just another handheld nostalgia cash in?

Ultimate NES Remix is a series of mini-games based on almost every major first party Nintendo game for the Nintendo Entertainment System. Super Mario Bros, The Legend of Zelda, Kid Icarus, Donkey Kong, Metroid, and so many other staples of your 80's childhood are all here. There's even both versions of Super Mario Bros 2 for the anal fan who really has to remind everyone that the US one was just Doki Doki Panic like it even matters anymore.

Each game comes with a set number of challenges. These can range from the basic abilities in the game like defeating a certain number of enemies in Mario 3, or driving without crashing in Excitebike. Depending on how quick you complete the level, you're given a star amount. The more stars earned, the more levels you unlock. These include other stages in this game, a whole new game, or the remix levels.

And the remix levels are where the game really picks up in interest. These stages change the basics of a certain game, from how you have to complete the stage, to the characters being used in it. One level will have you try to make it to the end of a Mario three level while having disorienting clones near you. Another level will have you as Link having to make it up the construction site to save Pauline from Donkey Kong. There is enough variety in the stages that you never know what's coming next.

Also added to this version of NES Remix is Fast Mario Bros, which is pretty self explanatory. It's Mario 1 on fast forward as have to make it through the game with the speed being super fast. This is an interesting mechanic, but I do find it can make certain areas like some of the painful jumps of World 8 an even bigger pain than they already are.

The final major mode is a championship mode. Akin to the legendary Nintendo World Championship cart, the goal is to get through three games with the best score. However, where the original cart was Super Mario Bros, Rad Racer, and Tetris, this time around it's Super Mario Bros, Super Mario Bros 3, and Dr. Mario. Your best score is then put online to compete with other players. Speaking of scores, the game will choose a different challenge every day for you to compete in to try to outrank other players, so that does give incentive for replayability.

In the end, Ultimate NES Remix doesn't really do anything particularly new with the series, but being on a handheld like the 3DS and the variety of games within does make it a worthwhile purchase. Sure, in some ways this feels like a 40 dollar ad for the Nintendo Eshop where all of these games are available (there's even a button that will automatically take you to the Eshop), but if you're looking for fun and varied challenges, and can't get enough NES Nostalgia then I say this is worth the buy.