A "Test" of patience
Warner Bros/Teletoon: 2005-Ongoing
Why?W-Why?
I've sat through Gilbert Gottfried singing. I've sat through the Monster Chasers. I've sat through Madballs: Gross Jokes, Bubsy, and G3 My Little Pony. I've sat through so many pieces of animated fecal matter. I've dealt with what many could argue as so much worse than what I'm about to go through with you all today.
With that said, why is it that when I look at the negative aspects of all that is wrong with a good majority of modern animation, the first cartoon that comes to mind is Johnny Test.
Is it the lack of creativity? The clearly ripped off ideas? The humour that falls flat every fucking time? Or is it simply the fact that this show has been on for going on EIGHT YEARS! Eight years of a show that has never once has come close to either finding a peak of greatness, or a modicum of what it takes to be a memorable cartoon.
And when you think of all the better cartoons that came out the pike, that barely lasted half the length of Johnny Test, it makes you wonder aloud, "is there a god? Or is his sense of humour so cruel that it is of which we may not be able to comprehend?"
But then again, maybe I'm just being a whiny little idiot kvetching of a cruddy flash cartoon about a little spiky haired dillweed, his annoying talking dog, his douche sisters, the sheer magnitude of morons that inhabit this world, the very level of in-your-face assholery that truly comes out of the TV at you like needles that pierce your eyeballs.
But, you may think that it's fine. One of them every week or so is enough to live through. It's a pain, but I can manage. Ha, that's funny. Or it would be, if the show wasn't on at least eight times a day.... EVERY! SINGLE! DAY!!!!! It will never leave you. Never let you have a moment to breathe. The golden haired devil with the blood red tips will never allow your soul to be at peace. You can try to ignore it. Try to plow through. Try aimlessly to believe that it won't get to you...
That's what they all do, and it never works out too well. It's sad really. You can still hear the inmates, as traumatized as they all became, they still say in mumbles almost incoherent.
This is the life of a boy named Johnny Test...
This is the lifeofa boy namedJohnny Test...
ThisisthelifeofaboynamedJohnnyTest...
And now that I've gone a bit off the deep end myself, maybe it's time I actually got to talking about Johnny Test itself. It made its debut in 2005 on the still alive at the time WB as part of the Saturday Morning Lineup. That features other fine candidates for future inductions like Loonatics Unleashed, and Coconut Fred's Fruit Salad Island. It lasted a season on Kids WB before being carted off to other pastures. That being Cartoon Network in the states and other areas, and Teletoon in Canada. Where the show has surprisingly made it to five seasons, with a sixth on the way.
So, the show has lasted a while, and with decent ratings. That's fine, but, what's the show about?
It centers mainly around the show's title star, Johnny Test. An energetic, and often in your face 11 year old, who lives with his family. That being his workaholic mother, neat freak stay-at-home dad, his talking dog friend Dukey (which sounds like Dookie. Get it? GET IT??? DO YOU?? RAAGH!), and his genius older sisters Susan and Mary. They have their own lab, and often use Johnny as the lab rat for their various experiments.
So, Bart Simpson in Dexter's Lab? I mean, one could argue that Johnny is kind of like Bart, what with the spiky hair and the attitude, and the in-your-face-ness. And you have the sisters, who look like you took Dexter, cloned him, and turned him into two 13 year old teen girls. Who spend the majority of their focus in life on their similar crush, the generic surfer dude named Gil Nexdoor... who lives... get this... next door.
And then the show goes crazy with wacky plots with monsters and invasions, and evil villains, and all manner of wacky-go-dacky craziness, often directly caused by Johnny, or his sisters. So, the general of the army often gets fuckin' Double Trouble from Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego (Who are named Mr. Black and Mr. White BTW. That must've took all of a millisecond to come up with) to get Johnny and co. to save the day. Often filled with obvious and cliched parodies that were executed by better and more superior cartoons.
And they're never funny. Or at least to the point where you could absorb what you watch and think that the spins they take on the product make you think "Hmm, that's a new and innovative way to do things." But again, that's more abject opinion than fact, but that's how I see it, and I know a lot of you often do as well.
Of course, I could just be wrong, and trying to hard to find some sort of existential meaning in a show for kids. But dammit, I had to review a cartoon where a mime shit out his own skeleton. Cut me some slack for being the loon I am. So with all that said, and one of the craziest openings to any Tooncrap ever (seriously, I think that was almost 75 reviews worth the wait for me to just go all brain kaplooey), let's review a couple episodes of Johnny Test, and put this show to the test. Pun intended. Let's review this thing.
Let's start with the theme song. Or to be specific, the most recent one. I've always found it to be a rather pedantic theme, despite trying to build this show about this uber awesome kid that is Johnny Test. The first theme, while also nothing super special either, was still a lot stronger in conveying the life of awesome that inhabits Johnny's life. It has more energy and even more passion in wanting to make Johnny sound like the ultimate of awesome people. The 2nd theme never sounded like it had the energy of the original. But again, that's just me.
Let's take a look at an episode. And a good example of this show's inaneness is the Johnny X episodes. There's like a dozen of these ones with Johnny's superhero alter ego. Which in all honesty are either the signs of desperation for a show (I.E Super Pac in the Pac-Man cartoon), or just an excuse to throw the cliche in the bucket. Let's look at "The Revenge of Johnny X".
Despite the destruction going into the town, Johnny and Dukey are nonchalant over it, finding it to be cool. Of course, the government, being the bug addled morons that they are have no viable ways of stopping the giant robot. Of course, Johnny only cares about more smashing. But that changes when the robot heads to the Test residence and kidnaps Susan, one of the sisters.
It's sad that despite the different designs, I still can't remember which is which 90% of the time. Differing designs =/= differing characters
Fat, nerdy Ali G?
Oh right, I forgot to mention Bling Bling Boy. He's the main antagonist of Johnny's. A fat spoiled brat who has a massive bling bling boner for Susan. Case in point the whole reason for destroying the town.He did it for Susan in hopes that it will finally make her love him. Bit his massive amounts of swank still don't interest Susan.
Cut to the ice cream shop where Johnny and Dukey are enjoying themselves. You know, instead of saving Johnny's freaking sister or nothing. A boy's gotta have priorities. But Johnny gives the excuse that the "G-Dudes" as he coins the government agents, will deal with it. Considering the fact that the "G-Dudes" can't even tie their own shoelaces without Johnny and his crew bailing them out, it seems like counting on them is a bad idea.
And wouldn't you know it, the "G-Dudes" do jack all to the robot, even with superior firepower. It's as if that wasn't predictable at all.
Despite the situation looking bleak, Johnny still won't help Susan. And mainly because Susan and Mary have used him for years as their experimental patsy. Which I guess is fine enough with him as he suddenly decides to save his sister.
So I guess all you need to do to sway Johnny is remember that he was turned into a giant frog thing once to wake up his A.D.D-riddled brain.
And so, it's the return of the return of Johnny X and Super Pooch. And of course, Dukey complains about his costume. Dukey's a bitch, and I DON'T mean female dog. While that's going down, Bling Bling is still unable to woo Susan, and the fact that Johnny and Dukey's appearance is added block to the cock, he goes to deal with them.
Johnny swears to take down Bling Bling Boy with the his powerful mutant ability of... sigh... atomic farting. Am I watching an episode of Mega Babies? But his fearful flatulence is stopped with a giant badminton racket to the backside. And despite being undeterred, Johnny continues to use his super farts, but is thwarted by Bling Bling. To which Dukey replies with the greatest line of the show, "man, I hate Johnny X"
You're speaking to me fair pooch. You're speaking to me.
Later on, Bling Bling steals an anti-gravity chamber from the government to continue to please Susan, who despite making her a laboratory of her own, she's still not impressed. She's not worth it kid. There are plenty more scientist teen girls that would appreciate the shit you're trying to do. The "G-Dudes" (seriously, the douche chills haven't left me yet) decide to team up with Johnny X to take down Bling Bling Boy. The only way to do so is to turn Johnny into a snake, and shove him up the robot's ass.
*throws keyboard at wall* I'M DONE! GOODNIGHT!
Or not, moving on.
It manages to work, and Johnny infiltrates the base, while Susan begins to get stockholm syndrome (or just realizing that Bling Bling really added a lot of things she actually enjoys, so you know, he ain't all that bad. But despite fart resistant suits, Johnny X and the rest still manage to beat the tar out of Bling Bling's crew. But in seeing the paradise he's created, the group decide to stay and have a pool party where Johnny atomic farts in the pool to close out the episode.
Again. Sonic SatAM, Bump in the Night, The Critic. All had two seasons. This got six. Just let that simmer.
And that's Johnny Test in a nutshell .The humour is hit and miss, mainly miss. The animation is terrible even for flash, with ugly character designs, and flat looking worlds.The show tries too hard to make our main protagonist unlikeable for the majority of the show. But that's honestly something that can be said of all the protagonists on this show.
The way I look at this show is what would happen if Dexter's Laboratory was the victim of meddling by executives too interested in making the show hip and edgy, and lacking in substance that makes it memorable. In other words, Johnny Test is a Poochie. The cool, and totally in your face character with no substance that makes the show entertaining.
But is it the worst thing ever, even with my glaring problems with the show? Probably not. Even for its dumb humour, it's harmless, and won't rot your brain entirely. But it honestly doesn't need, nay deserve a series length as long as it has. I know a lot of that has to do with being dirt cheap to produce, and the fact that it does well enough to earn it, but that's still not enough for it to really deserve the length it's had plus the multiple daily airings on Teletoon and Cartoon Network.You could take most of that time, and fill it with something else. Like, I dunno, Dexter's Lab.
I know I keep comparing it to Dexter's Laboratory, but honestly, after watching "Dexter's Rude Removal" I realized just how amazing a cartoon it was. And looking at what is essentially its grocery store soda equivalent, I can't help but feel that kids today are getting the short end of the stick when it comes to this show idea being done well.
In the end of it all, this test is unsuccessful.