So stupid, it's scary
Clasky-Csupo: 1998
This week, we return to the realm of the animated, and what better cartoon to induct, than one starring one of the most beloved mascots of all time.
Sadly, no.
I'm talking about that beloved heart clogging harlequin, Ronald McDonald.
Ronald has been the face of fast food for almost half a century. The mascot of the McDonald's restaurant, he's been our unassuming friend since our childhoods. With a warm smile, and goofy antics, he's warmed our hearts, and fattened our stomachs with his delicious drug that is McDonald's fast food. Ronald was first played by Willard Scott in 1963.
He looks more like Ronald McHobo here.
And from there, he became a television name. His white and red face plasted on Saturday morning tv, enticing the kids with adventures in his "So not a Sid and Marty Kroftt knockoff" McDonaldland. It was a brilliant scheme. Have Ronald's goofy adventures shown to kids, have kids pester parents to go to Mickey D',. buy the food, roll in the cash. Clearly a marketing success.
And as you'd guess, since it was a success, it had a damn cartoon.
Well, in this case, it was a series of VHS tapes released only at where else? McDonalds, of course. There were five in all, each with the classic ugly animation of Clasky-Csupo, and the rather stupid stories that each run 40 minutes. Jeez, that's almost as long as a Video Brinquedo movie "shudders*. The series was called "The Wacky Adventures of Ronald McDonald". Well, when your protagonists are a clown, a dog, a bird, a kleptomaniac, and.... whatever the hell Grimace is, there must be some wacky adventures to be had.
Now, before people rag on me for not being overly fond of the Clasky-Csupo animation. I will say that I am a big fan of Rugrats (Well, the classic episodes at least), and I do thank them for being the animation company in the early days of the Simpsons. But seriously, 9 times out of 10, the characters on their shows look horrible.
But we'll get into that, as we talk about our induction du jour, the first in the "Wacky Adventures" series, "Scared Silly". Which is as blatant a false advertisement as you can get. There is nothing scary, or silly in this video.
But enough talk, let's get to watchin'. Let's review this thing.
We open our show with the theme song. We see Ronald's home in the live action universe, Casa de Arch Deluxe, as Ronald's dog Sundae (an original character for the series), is awakened..
Sweet sassafrass, that's an ugly dog.
Ronald awakens, and begins his daily routine of using Rube Goldberg inventions, spinning portraits of his friends to look like hideous redesigns, and cosplaying. But eventually, he gets dressed right, and the theme song ends. The theme song is half decent. The singer does a good job, but it's just not very catchy. And while the intro does the job of introducing Ronald and his wacky hijinx, it really doesn't wow you like say a more quality intro like Rugrats (Keeping it in the Clasky-Csupo family). It's definitely not the best way of starting our wacky adventures.
We open our episode with Sundae watching scary public domain footage, as Ronald joins in. But they're movie viewing is interrupted by a call on Ronald's picture phone. Why it's Tika, everyone's favorite McDonaldland character.
Wait, who?
Through the magic of bad 90's CGI, Tika invites Ronald and the deformity known as Sundae, to a camping trip with the gang. Sundae is not happy at the idea of camping in the woods (Yes, that thing can talk), but Ronald tells him to stop being a wuss and come along too. After some more wacky goofiness with Ronald's tent-in-a-flashlight invention, they enter McDonaldland. Which, for some unexplained reason, turns them into cartoon character. Is McDonaldland an alternate demension? Is it like Cool World, only kid friendly? Hell If I know.
Jeez, he looked less creepy in the live action bit.
So, the gang all enter Ronald's car, and head off to the woods. The gang consisting of Ronald, Sundae, Tika, the regulars like Birdie, Grimace, and the Hamburglar, and some not so regulars like a couple of the fry kids, and the McNugget buddies.
Who, honestly, are perhaps more disturbing than Sundae. I mean, were they born that way? Were they rejected McNuggets? Are we lead to believe that the McNuggets were never really chickens to begin with, but their own seperate creatures having nothing to do with the fowl in question? Whatever they are, they sure are creepy and delicious.
During the trip, Tika frightens the talking purple butt plug known as Grimace about the farflung phantom, that apparently lives in the forest. But Ronald eases the tension with a song about the Farflung forest. The flowers, the caves, the frogs, the logs, Fred Penner. You know, the basics. And it's about as annoying as you'd expect. After that forgettable song, our heroes finally arrive at the forest. Tika drops a walkie talkie, and in a manner that doesn't make you pull out your Ackbar alarm, tries to cover up her reasons for having one. All the while, the group are being spied on by cameras situated around the woods.
The group takes a break, as Hamburglar (Who has somehow gotten over his Robble impediment) suggest Ronald whips up some magic. Ronald suggests that Hamburglar could use the excercise, and that they'll have some "magic fun" later. So HB, being the douche he is, decides to scare the campers by making bear noises so Ronald will use his magic.
I think Hamburgular just dropped a quarter pounder.
The bear chases after our heroes. And surpsisingly, despite living off a diet of delicious McDonald's food, the group manages to outrun the angered ursine. Ronald then creates a door, and lures the bear through it.
"You're subspace's problem now"
After dealing with the wrath of Yogi, the group set up camp. And of course, they do it through song. And like the other one, it's pretty bland. After that, they all sit by the fire and Hamburgular continues to torture Grimace with the tale of the Farflung Phantom. Ronald and Sundae take a walk, when they happen upon a conveniently placed evil laboratory. He comes back to HB getting his jollies scaring the gang, while realizing that Tika and the McNugget Buddies have gone AWOL.... For like 20 seconds. And suddenly, in another act of plot convenience, it starts to rain. But hey, there are some conveniently placed flowers that can double as umbrellas. But the weather starts getting rougher, and Ronald suggests they all head to the house they saw earlier.
They enter the house, with it's eerie cobwebs, and dark atmosphere. And of course, they start to sing ANOTHER SONG. This one is a bit better than the other two, but it is hindered by people who are really phoning in trying to sing. They then enter a room with creepy frightening holographic furnature (?), and see three doors lacking knobs.
But before you can say "this video is seriously lacking a floating head" an apparition appears, giving them a cryptic riddle. Essentially to stand on a giant dinner plate drawn on the floor until the doors open. The Fry Kids, being impatient, and really not having anything to do with fries, end up falling through the trap door.
Sorry, no Berk here.
The group then enter a hallway, and enter each door. One contains a room that starts to shrink around them (Cool, I've played Resident Evil too), to a library with revolving book shelfs that separate the buddies from the group.(Cool, I've used Bebe's Kids for the SNES as a door stop too). Hamburglar fiddles with a lever, that traps our heroes in a hall of mirrors The glowing head gives them a clue to use their left hands. Ronald says that his uncle had a hedge maze, and by keeping his hand on the walls at all time, he got out.
That makes zero sense. How the hell could having your hand on the maze make a lick of difference? There's still a high percentage of taking the wrong turn and getting stuck with or without your bloody hand on the maze. And I do mean bloody. Who keeps their hands on sharp hedges as they're walking around? Whatever, this is clown shoes logic from a clown.
But the trick still manages to work. As they find their way out of the maze, while singing. Of freaking course. This songs sounds almost exactly like the last one. Meaning, it's pretty bad. They enter the next room, which now uses the gimmick or moving walls. They all lean into the corners, in a solution that's a bit more logical than the left hand theory. During this, Tika breaks kayfabe telling them that this was the farthest she's ever gone. Doing so causes the room to vanish, and the head reappear. The head refers to himself as Franklin, and that world is his game. He then offers them their freedom if they'll play him in a game of trivial pursuit: Jambi's less flamboyant brother edition. However, our heroes being morons, fail and fall into more traps. Ronald, Sundae, and Grimace remain. Ronald gets the question right, winning the game, and causing Franklin to pull a Christian level tantrum. While he leaves, Ronald and co. find a wire that will lead them to Franklin.
In the end, we find out that Franklin is some kid who had Tika and the McNuggets lure the hamburger happy clown into his trap. But he fails, Ronald survives, and his father shows up to scold the bejesus out of his son. Tika apologizes to Ronald and the gang for her web of deceit, and they all decide to continue their camping.
And that was "Scared Silly", it's pretty cra... Oh, wait. There's more live action stuff. Ronald and Sundae finish watching their stock footage horror movie.
Either this was supposed to be a cute ending, or the real scary moment of this video. Either way, it bears repeating, THAT IS AN UGLY ASS DOG!
Scared Silly isn't the worst thing ever. The animation's fine, and it's plot doesn't drag too bad. But the music, the characters, the voice acting, and the overall feel of the toon still feels off. Like it's missing something that would make it epic. It's tooncrap, but definitely not the kind that little kids coulden't enjoy in some capacity, so it's at least worth a watch.
But who would've figured that not too long after, the same company that gave us these iconic characters would soon treat them like the ghost in the room. Not too long after these were released Ronald and the gang were completely dropped from all McDonald's commercials (Well, except for Japan, but the less said of those insane comemercials the better.) So what happened to Ronald McDonald? Well, after no longer being the smiling face of fast food commercials, he took a vacation to a land where the pale redhead could be accepted, Ireland. In an act of self reinvention, He ditched the makeup, and suddenly found a massive interest in weight lifting.
And the rest, as they say, is history fella!
