Double Dragon

Woe is Lee

Dic: 1993

Thank you, but a good cartoon is in another castle. It's GAME OVER month.

Double Dragon is one of those video game franchises that one wonders just how it ceased to be so soon. It started as a hit arcade game that would later spawn a hit NES title. And while not my personal favorite beat-em-up on the 8-bit console (Always hated the jump mechanics), It's easy to see why it was a massive success. The main plot of the original game had Billy and Jimmy Lee working together to beat up a rogues gallery of enemies until they would eventually duel to the death to see who would win the hot pixelated ass that was Marian, Billy's girlfriend. The game would see a few more sequels, and literally vanish around 1995. But why? It was such a hit franchise, what killed it?



Well, this was definitely the nail in the coffin, but I think it really started with the animated series released by our favorite group of DICheads. Like I've said before, Almost every successful movie or game franchise has a cartoon or 2 about it. And the Double Dragon cartoon just happened to be in the middle of what seemed to be Dic's dominance in getting practically every major video game franchise to make cartoons out of. They had made toons for Mario, Sonic, Battletoads, Legend of Zelda, and even a chunk of the Nintendo Roster in Captain N. And Since I've pretty much pointed out already how most of them were pretty bad, chances are the expectations are pretty low that this will fare any better. And then the expectations fall off a cliff and die when you realize this show was released in 1993, a time when every show had to rip off the god damned Power Rangers. Not that I have a problem with Power Rangers, but I have yet to see a show that has been able to rip off the idea and do it right.

Double Dragon definitely is one of those franchises that failed at the idea, and it shows big time. So, let's not double drag this any further. Let's review this thing.

The intro is pretty much a basic mid 90's cartoon theme, the only thing really worth noting is the choice to rhyme dragon with braggin'. Just makes me wonder how many sleepless hours it took to come up with that one. Other than that, it shows clips of episodes, or in the case of the 1st episode, clips of the first episode only. As this was the episode that still had some sanity (though very little), and wasn't a full blown toy commercial yet. And with the intro looked at, let's review the first episode, "The Shadow Falls".



We start our story in Metro City, 18 years ago. As an unnamed man heads to the city temple with his infant son. He asks the master, the oldest dragon to watch over his son Billy while he goes to find his twin son Jimmy, who was kidnapped by the shadow warriors. The Oldest Dragon takes Billy, and says that he will be a great warrior, and the next dragon master. Cut to the present day Metro City, as a bank truck decides to lounge in the park for some reason. But trouble looms as an evil helicopter arrives. As a young boy named Michael..


Who looks a bit too much like Skate from Streets of Rage 2, goes off to get help.


Wrong Metro City.


Again, Wrong Metro City.




While goes to find help, we meet our flunkies du jour, King Hippo from Captain N's more fit cousin Abobo, and Wild Willy, who, if you couldn't guess, is an annoying cowboy stereotype. Through Exposition, AKA Giant Smurf Abobo, we learn that there's a new shadow boss that has taken over, and he has evil magic powers, and if they fail this mission, who knows what they'll do to them. Back to Michael, who heads to the temple where Billy Lee is breaking apart steel beams by using his dragon energy, or some crap like that. The oldest dragon feels that Billy is ready to be a dragon master, as it's his time to die. Or walk off into the sunset. I dunno, he gives off some retarded leaf falling metaphor before Michael shows up. Michael tries to get Billy to put a stop to the bad guys in the chopper, but Billy begins to bitch that the only way to win a fight is to avoid it. Get used to this, as Billy is a regular Dudley friggin' Do Right through this whole show. The oldest dragon tells him essentially to stop bitching and go help, while reminding us the rules of a dragon master:

Do not intentionally harm another
Do not fight unless you can't avoid it
If you must fight, do not injure.

Don't worry though, these rules will be rendered pointless later.



Billy drives off with his new action figure accessories... I mean, dragon sword, and dragon cycle, as he heads to the park to stop the shadow warriors. Meanwhile, the shadow warriors attack the bank truck (coming into the park in a school bus for some reason), as the cops arrive. Well, one cop at least, Marian Martin, who I must say has had quite a promotion from the games. Before she becomes mince meat by our wolverine knockoffs, Billy comes to save the day. The two talk for a second, and shake hands, which leads to this.



You know you've hired some D grade flunkies when they job to a HANDSHAKE!

Abobo and Wild Willy escape with the money, which is something Billy sees no problem with. Nobody got hurt, which is what matters. Well, except for the flunkies you attacked. Marian also deduces that he's a dragon master, which explains everything. Well, except for how the hell Marian even knows what a dragon master is. Billy returns to find out that his master has died, or vanished, or I dunno, this is a Dic cartoon, got lost in the void. Marian shows up at the temple and deputizes Billy, to which he yet again bitches about his code some more and Michael uselessly chimes in.



Meanwhile at stately Shadow Boss manor, Abobo and Wild willy tell the Shadow Boss (who for some reason has this stupid blinking eye crap going on), about the new dragon master. With the news of a new dragon master, he comes up with a new plan. Back at the temple, our heroes hear a banging at the door, only to find Billy's long lost brother Jimmy, as well as Abobo and Wild Willy who were chasing after him in their...



beetle robot car thing as they begin to fire at the temple. Luckily for our protagonists, the temple just happens to have a pretty solid security system. After the bad guys flee, Jimmy tells them how the shadow warriors are chasing him, and yadda yadda, if you played the first game you know what's up by now. Also, Billy and Jimmy can bruise at the same time if one gets hurt, but that's really nothing important. They clean up the temple, and Jimmy randomly decides to hold a martial arts tournament. And that's just what happens. No buildup, just a random fighting tournament, where Billy continues to whine about his code. Meanwhile, Marian and Jimmy get kidnapped. Billy whines about how he's lost everyone he loves, and then sends Michael out to guard the temple (because that makes sense) while he uses his deus ex machina tattoo to find Marian and Jimmy.



After some taunting from the Shadow Boss, Billy enters the shadow building, where he immediately does battle with a barrel throwing Abobo. But since Abobo's a bitch, he gets taken out pretty quickly. then quickly disposes of Yosemite Douche. Now it's time for Billy to confront the Shadow Boss face to face. The two battle until we learn that, Jimmy is the Shadow Boss. Billy decides to let him escape, as he and Marian get out before the Shadow building collapses.



And Jimmy turns into a cloud for some reason. The end.

So, that was the first episode. And despite it's sheer stupidity, it actually stuck to the plot of the original game. Too bad someone at Dic learned Power Rangers was the biggest thing around, so the show decided "Screw it, let's jump the shark immediately" with episode 2, "The Legend Continues".



We open our 2nd episode with the announcement that Metro City is set to turn on it's new fusion power generator today. But while Billy and Marian watch the big event, Stately Shadow Boss manor rises again. Our 3 villains have survived, sadly, as we learn that Billy was never the real head honcho around here. The Shadow Master returns and does the world a favor, by trapping Wild Willy, and Abobo in some sort of evil mural/void thing. He spares Jimmy, since he's like a son to him, and sends him to get Billy's dragon sword, while he tries to get control of the new fusion generator. And the Shadow Master sends a bunch of new stupid baddies to help.




Back at the temple, Billy teaches some martial arts, until all hell decides to break loose, as Jimmy, along with 2 of the new henchmen attack. Billy and Jimmy fight until Michael gets captured by the new flunkies. Billy, being the wuss he is, gives up the sword. But since Jimmy is evil, or some crap like that, he's unable to grab it, as the building collapses. He takes the captured Billy to the Shadow Master, who decides that since Jimmy didn't get the sword, he should be killed two. But since Shadow Master's flunkies are 2 Rocksteady's short of a Bebop, they accidentally help our heroes escape. Jimmy decides to make an instant face turn as the two head back to the ruined temple and get the sword. However, when they both touch the sword, the dead (i guess) oldest dragon appears, and tells them that they can now be able to stop evil, or something like that. After the two say "The power of Might" "The power of Right", they transform into the new more powerful, yet more ridiculous Double Dragons.



The two head off in their dragon mobile to face off with the Shadow Master, who has already taken over the generator. But before he can spread darkness, and evil, and whatnot, the Dragons arrive and put a stop to him. He escapes, like all villains do, as the city congratulates our heroes. Marian congratulates them too, despite actually not knowing who they are (Really? you knew what the hell a dragon master was, but can't frigging tell who the morons in the masks are?). They reveal to her their identities, and Marian complains that now she has to make Jimmy a deputy. the End.

Or is it?

Nope, Dic found it necessary to add a PSA at the end of this. And a pretty weak one at that, as Billy does his martial arts in the park, and Michael calls it dumb looking. This prompts Jimmy to tell Michael that making fun of people isn't cool. Lame.

And that's Double Dragon in a nutshell. What a crock of Dragon crap. the animation is mediocre, the characters dumb, and the plot goes from sticking to the source, to going with the fad. It's no wonder why the Double Dragon franchise died with crap like this representing it. But hey, it could be worse...

It could be Darkstalkers.