Donkey Kong

A Monkey of a Mess

Ruby Spears: 1983

Well, Game Over month is coming to a close, but before it does, it's time to look back at the animated history of one of gaming's most iconic characters, oh, and that mustached guy too. Donkey Kong made his debut as a hit arcade game from Nintendo on June 2nd, 1981. The game starred you as Jumpman, later renamed Mario, who has to survive 4 crazy levels to rescue his beloved Pauline (of course this is before he whored himself for royalty). The game was an instant success, and of course Mario and DK have become major faces in the rich history of Nintendo and video games. And like I've said before, if it's a success, chances are there's a cartoon series. And in DK's case, there was. It was part of the Saturday Supercade cartoon block. The Saturday Supercade was a half hour animated block that aired from 1983-1985 on CBS. On it contained animated adaptations for many classic gaming titles such as Q*Bert, Frogger, Pitfall Harry, and of course, Donkey Kong.

Now you may be wondering why I'm just focusing on DK and not the rest of the shows. Well, at this point I haven't been able to find full episodes for most of the cartoons, save for Donkey Kong. And what I saw was definitely a goofy, yet utterly forgettable cartoon. So, is it Tooncrap worthy? Well, whip out some Buckner and Garcia, and do the Donkey Kong, as we review this thing.

Let's start by talking about our cast of characters.



First is DK himself (Voiced by none other than the legendary Soupy Sales). He's the star attraction of the circus, who's escaped, and is constantly chased after in every episode by Mario and Pauline. DK's a nice ape, but as the series would constantly show, is also extremely gullible.



Next up is Pauline, who honestly adds nothing to the cartoon. Zero. Other than constantly accompanying Mario, she's really just there because

A. She's in the game
B. She's the only major female in the series
C. Who else is going to yell "Look out Mario! Donkey Kong is doing something! Oh No!" I mean, who else is gonna do it? Dick Vitale? Because I would actually mark for that.

And from there we get to Mario, iconic face of video gaming. Hero to millions. Cash cow to Nintendo...


Really, really off friggin' model?

Yep, that's our favorite Italian Plumber, sans the big nose, stereotypes, and personality. He's the Wile E. Coyote to DK's Road Runner, only he's far from a super genius, and far from likable.

Now that we know a little about our characters, let's get to some episodes. And we'll start with the episode "The Great Ape Escape"

We kick off our episode as Mario and Pauline in the "so not the Mystery Machine" circus van, are chasing after our primate protagonist. DK leaps onto a wall as Mario sets off his most daring plan to capture DK yet....



Disguise himself as a banana, and catapult himself at DK. He then sprays DK with sleeping gas, but that doesn't work as our monkey main character just blows it back at Mario, and jumps over the wall. and that wall just so happens to be the local prison. Inside the prison, two inmates are planning their escape, when they run into Donkey Kong. And since DK is a gullible moron of a monkey, he easily helps them. They even dress him up in a prison uniform...



And yet he still looks more dignified in stripes than Batista.



While the two no goodnicks easily manipulate our moronic monkey, Mario and Pauline are above them in a hot air balloon that looks like it was on loan from Care A Lot. Mario once again has a master plan to lure DK, and this time it's a rope ladder made out of bananas. I got to admit these are both the most creative, and most retarded ideas I've ever head of.But it eventually fails as DK pops Mario's balloon. So with that plan fizzled out, Mario and Pauline, disguised as chefs (with Pauline wearing a mustache because... I dunno she has a little tranny in her), and chase after him yet again. And yet again, Mario proves how much he's a failure by, well, failing.




So, it's time for the big prison football game, where DK dominates, until Mario, now dressed as a Referee, tries once again to capture him. And once again, Mario fails. And Pauline, does nothing, as usual. While all the silliness happens, DK and the two convicts escape. Cut to the convicts eventually cornered on top of a building. Mario, now dressed as a cop (why, I haven't the foggiest. What is this, Super Mario Cosplay?) and Pauline head to the top of the building, and finally tell DK that he was duped. He cages the baddies, and throws them in the paddy wagon. Mario tries to catch him, and fails again, as DK flies away on a hot air football.

So, with that we've pretty much seen the main plot to pretty much every episode. One or two crooks are trying to steal something, and they manipulate DK. Meanwhile Mario tries to capture him, and fails like the mustachioed moron he is. And Pauline does absolutely nothing like she always does. So, let's finish this induction by looking at one more episode. one with another name from DK's past. "Greenhouse Gorilla"

We open out episode just like the last, with DK running from the Mystery Machine... I mean circus van. He jumps into a plant nursery that belongs to Dr. Stanley. That's right, the same Stanley from everyone's "favorite" Donkey Kong game, Donkey Kong 3.


Who interestingly enough looks more like Mario in this cartoon than Mario.

Also in the nursery is our main villain, who wants to steal Stanley's prized metal eating plant Herman. he soon discovers DK, and because the monkey's a moron, our villain easily manipulates him to steal the plant. When Stanley tries to recover his plant, DK throws hives of bees at him, as he escapes in the back of the bad guy's truck.

I usually don't steal material from other reviewers, but when is this opportunity going to come again?

BEE THROWING BEE THROWING BEE THROWING
BEE THROWING BEE THROWING BEE THROWING
BEE THROWING BEE THROWING BEE THROWING

I really have to stop reading Blogger Beware...



Stanley eventually runs into Mario and Pauline, as the trio work together to find Donkey Kong and Herman. The villain takes DK to a supermarket, where our hairy hero feeds the plant metal tools, and eventually the cash register. Mario and the gang show up, and Mario tries to capture DK with his Vacuum trap. And of course, being Mario in this cartoon, he fails miserably because of the, you know, metal eating plant. Stanley tries to help, but is just as useless. And Pauline does nothing important as usual. The villain gives DK a fancy suit, and tells him that they're going to a banquet.



And we also learn the villain's name is Mr. X. How creative.

Mario, Pauline, and Stanley, disguised as hired help (where the hell do they keep getting these costumes? What circus has a maid outfit for crying out loud), enter the fancy banquet where DK, Herman, and Mr. X are. Pauline eventually does something useful and tells DK of Mr. X being a crook, and DK eventually puts a stop to the crook, before yet again escaping. The End.

And that's Donkey Kong in a Nutshell. While not the worst cartoon, it's definitely not very good either. The plot formula is the same in every episode, the animation is decent at best, and none of the characters are all that interesting, even the gullible hero DK. This one is definitely a rotten banana, but is it any worse than the other Supercade cartoon featuring his offspring? We'll see next time, when we review Donkey Kong Jr.